Dopers, I vaguely remember a joke that ends with someone whacking an amimal in the head with a two by four, explaining, “first, you have to get their attention.” I would love to be able to use that joke in an upcoming education lecture. Can anyone provide the beginning? Thanks.
on second thought, I think it was an animal, not an amimal.
I’ve seen various forms of the joke.
A mule trainer is asked how he is able to train such stubborn animals and he says, “Let me show you.” He then grans a 2 x 4 and whacks the mule upside the head with it. “First, you get their attention.”
grabs a 2 x 4 even :smack:
You mean he grans a two by four and hits an amimal? How curel.
I Googled: [“first you have to get their attention” two four] and got the following on the first hit:
I have another one since the first one was answered. What is the joke to “And so the nun says, “Twenty dollars, same as in town.””
I had to ask this one myself. One version of the joke involves a priest taking confession, but he has to step out for a second to go to the bathroom or something so he asks the janitor to sit in for him. The janitor agrees and sits quietly for several minutes before a penitent arrives. She confesses to, among other things, giving her boyfriend a blowjob. Not knowing how to respond, the janitor leans out the confessional door, looking desperately for the priest. He instead spots a nun (or altarboy, if you prefer) and whispers: “Pssst, what does the father give for a blowjob?”
And you know the rest.
Bubba, is that you?
Keep your worms warm!
Tonight, it’s your turn in the barrel.
Hold this, I’ll be right back.
Punchlines R Us?
And I can only recognise the barrel joke.
The longer setup to the mule joke:
A man comes to a farmer to buy a mule, hearing that the farmer has the best mules in the county. The farmer is working with a mule, speaking softly, and the mule is responding to every command, immediately. The man is impressed and offers to buy the mule. They agree on a price, but before the man leaves with the mule, the farmer cautions him that the mule does not like rough treatment or strong language. No “mule skinner” tactics for him. “Just speak softly to him, tell him ‘gee’ or ‘haw’ or ‘gyup’ or ‘back’ and he’ll come right along for you. Never whip him; never beat him. Don’t even threaten him.”
The man leads the mule home and pens him up for the night.
The next morning the farmer is accosted by the man, completely enraged, claiming that the farmer had sold him a ringer and that the mule was worthless, refusing to respond to any command. The farmer agreed to take a look at the problem and accompanied the man back to his place, where they found the mule drowsily standing his stall. . . .
“… so he sawed two inches off his exhaust pipe”
…That sheep is a god-damned liar!"
And in the version I’ve encountered more often, a naive priest goes for a walk in town, and goes in a neighbourhood he’s never been in. All along the way, he encounters women who call out “Twenty bucks for a quickie”(or blowjob, in the more recent versions).
On his return to the cathedral, he encounters a nun. “Sister”, he says, “what’s a quickie?” And she replies “It’s …(and you know the rest)”.
Welcome to Jamaica, mon. Have a nice day!
…If you think I’m goin’ through this sixty-six more times, you’re crazy.
“Alright,” the guy said to the frog. “But this is the last time I’m showing you how…”
Is that the punchline also known as:
“Is that you OJ?”?
Bartender: I knew he should’ve quit while he was a head.