He once through a toaster into a bathtub, and said, “Shocking!”
Beating someone to the snow plow on a train, he remarked, “He had a lot of guts.”
His authority and strength of character.
Fresh fruit.
I’d probably say Leatherman, but yeah, its the thinking man’s weapon.
Still, for total un-adulterated rage? A 12-lb club hammer with a hole drilled into the end of the handle. Through it? A leather strap lashed to your wrist.
" I…I paid extra… that glass is bullet-proof!"
“Call Customer Service…”
Bottle of Hai Karate.
That term used to refer to tough older women.
That works.
Naps.
Fists
Hands and feet. John Wayne or Bruce Lee.
The jagged edge of a broken testosterone bottle.
I know how Red Forman would answer the question. Bob Pinciotti too.
A foot?
True story: I was going through security at a courthouse a couple of weeks ago and showed the security guard my badge. He looked it over and respectfully asked “are you armed, sir?”
I calmly replied “just with these,” and kissed each of my biceps.
Irish Whiskey
Anything phallic.
Anything phallic that isn’t an actual phallus is just compensating.
Attempting a semi-serious, non-phallic answer to the question, but I think it depends on the era/timeframe and context of the weapon’s use.
Let’s be honest here, I think we can all agree it would take balls of Damascus Steel to go charging into battle wielding a sword (be it a Gladius, Longsword, Claymore or Katana) against people also weilding swords, flails, spears and the like.
However, if you’re wielding a sword and your opponents have guns then your actions will probably only be considered manly if you win.
My suggestion for the thread would be a Victorian/Edwardian-era elephant gun - designed for use at close range against genuinely dangerous game like tigers, lions, rhinocerous, hippos and, of course, elephant - with none of these shenanigans involving telescopic sights and ranged engagement.
A traditional elephant gun is chambered for a massive cartridge (.500 Nitro Express, for example) and you’ve got one - maybe two - shots to work with. Even hitting your target does not guarantee it will go down, especially if your shot placement is off the mark. Further, the recoil from such a gun is fierce - enough to knock an untrained shooter backwards.
You have to define it a little more. A smallsword/court sword or rapier relies upon speed and skill more than strength, and can be wielded very effectively by a woman. When I get back into training form there are not many men who can beat me at smallsword.