Here’s a couple from my family.
The police were called to the scene of a domestic dispute. The husband was lying on the floor unconcious, and they were questioning the wife.
Police: “Mam, can you tell us what happened here?”
Wife: “He called me a 2 bit whore, so I hit him.”
Police: “What did you hit him with?”
Wife: “A bag of quarters.”
A woman named Tootie Green, was at church. She stood up to take communion, and fell on her ass, which caused her dress to fly up.
The preacher said to one of the deacons, “Is that Tootie Green?”
Deacon: “No, It’s just the reflection from the stained glass window.”