I used to be extremely antisocial and, partially as a result, partially as a cause, was very socially awkward. I preferred books and the computer to people, and I would refuse to go to parties or even out with my family in favor of being by myself. I spent most of my young life being treated like complete crap by the people I believed were my friends, and I figured my experience was normal.
I have changed. I make friends much more easily, I have something to do at social events, and I feel like I am connected with the world. It really happened because I discovered the Internet, and after having been a member of an online community, trying out the experience of talking to people who shared my interests, it was much easier for me to move on and start talking to people all the time.
It is still difficult for me. I still face rejection constantly, but when I start to wonder what I am doing wrong, I often find myself concluding it is the other person who is wrong. I also find that I say the wrong thing often or make an idiot of myself, but I have to just keep living. I can’t change the past.
Eating better. I used to eat burgers, fries, and pizza all the time. And I was tired all the time. Luckily I guess my metabolism is good, I wasn’t overweight.
But since I started trying to eat fruits and veggies keep “bad” foods to a minimum, I have a lot more energy. I still need to deal with sugar though, I like soda and chocolate and ice cream.
Like several others, it would be overcoming depression and anxiety through work from counseling and on my own. I’m still working on some leftover issues, but don’t have nearly the same level of problems as before.
The depression. The lows. Of wanting to die, just to end the pain. Self doubts. Escaping. Running away. Looking for love in all the wrong places. The wrong women and the wrong booze. I had a string of terribly dysfunctional girlfriends, the worst of which, we broke up and got back together a dozen times. Just one fucking game after another. She was a head case and I was pathetic, as well as a high functional alcoholic. Didn’t wind up in the streets and kept my job, but I let the beer take over.
I’m just finding out now the real level of problems I had had. How much of my life was consumed with anxieties, the internal negative paradigms and looking in vain for external validation? As one former friend told me, it was all about me.
Here’s something which I wrote recently. It’s not really finished, but I’ll post it here.
As Olives writes, CBT is good for sorting out anxieties which are real from those from the past (in my case) or the future. It took about four years of counseling to put most of the past to rest. To shoot the demons and throw light into the dark.
To act and not just react. To master emotions, and not be their slave. To learn to control anger and not lash out. To not be paralyzed by the fear of making the tinniest mistake.
It’s probably not a coincidence that I met someone really special after those years of work. What a world of difference to be with someone sane. A woman who loves life and lives for the joy of today.
After all this work, to be given charge of a baby so, so sweet. I’m old to start being a parent, but being able to do it right is worth the wait.
Thank you for this. I made my big life changes because I realized that I’d never have the kind of life I wanted while wallowing in booze & depression. My life IS much better, but it’s still not the life I wanted in that I haven’t married and haven’t had kids yet. I occasionally worry that even when I do meet the right man, maybe I’ll be a terrible parent because I’ve spent my adult life only having to take care of myself (and doing a TERRIBLE job of it for most of that time). It’s not a paralyzing fear or anything, but just a doubt that creeps into my head every so often.
I’m a nanny, actually. I know I can keep a kid alive. It’s the actual parenting that has scared me. I felt like I should clarify that.
I went from despising Christianity to becoming a confirmed Catholic.
Not that it changed my mind on Christianity but I realized that it is ok to explore things and learn what it really is rather than just keep the same ignorant thoughts.
I hope I didn’t come across all superior. If a dry alcoholic is stuck with the feeling similar to bereavement at the prospect of no alcohol, that’s a serious thing. I don’t mean to belittle it. The method I used attempts to enforce the idea that there should be no need to feel like you are ‘giving something up’. It also attempts to make the point that ‘alcoholism is incurable’ is a falacy. Or that you don’t have to call yourself a ‘dry alcoholic’. (That ‘you’re wired for it’ is a falacy)
It works/worked for me, but I fully understand that just because it worked for me, I won’t go around telling people they’re idiots for not trying this method, or for perpetuating the falacies. The author of the method has great praise for AA. And I can see how some would be offended by his strong statements about the ‘common facts about alcoholism’ being falacies. But I understand where he’s coming from - If you hear something enough (alcoholism is incurable and you’re wired for it) then you’re bound to have a hard time disbelieving it. As did/do I. I’ve told members of my family - “I’ll have this problem for the rest of my life” because I believed it. Because society gave me lots and lots and lots of help believing it. I don’t believe it any more.