Actually, the glass is FULL. The glass contains approximately 50% of a clear liquid, consisting of hydrogen and oxygen and traces of other elements commonly known as “water” and approximately 50% clear gas mixture of oxygen, nitrogen and various other gaseous elements commonly known as “air” 
This makes me an “optipest”
“If yer so smart, why ain’t you rich?”
Invariably put forth by someone who is neither.
Wealth = intelligence? :dubious: Paris Hilton, anyone?
What happens to the early worm? :dubious:
Probe the retractor, excrete the source
And Let Bygones be Bygones . . .that one REALLY pisses me off…
Snoopy - a tie is like kissing your sister because once it happens, it makes you sick to your stomach…I would assume anyways - I don’t have a sister.
Just to set the record straight, the New Hampshire state motto is not a corruption of the Patrick Henry quote:
What I heard is that on the one hand, you’re kissing a girl, but on the other hand, it’s only your sister, as opposed to a girl who you’re romantically interested in or involved with.
I weren’t raised in the hills, but I worked in a warehouse full of scumbags.
There was one guy there who liked to say “Old enough to pee, old enough for me.”
Then you’d probably enjoy Fooled by Randomness.
“Those who can’t teach, teach gym.”
-Woody Allen
Actually, it should be “you can catch more flies with a teaspoon of honey than a gallon of vinegar” which means that you can get more done with a few kind words than tons of destructive criticism and yelling.
“If it was good enough for my daddy it’s good enough for me.”
Living in world with polio was good enough for your daddy. Living in a world where most forms of cancer meant certain death in the short term was good enough for your daddy. A lot of things were good enough for your daddy, but you’re a damn fool if you approve of them just because they were around when your daddy was around.
“You can do/be anything you want if you try hard enough”
Bullshit. I get the point and know the usual intended audience, but the wording is all wrong for using the line on me… well I guess just one word: anything. The truth is more like you can do/be a handful of things more than what you do/are now if blah blah blah. Toney fucking Robbins couldn’t convince me I can be the first man to walk on the moon. A little late for that one so maybe we should replace that “anything” word.
Oh yes the “there is no try” thing; where did that one come from originally?
I first heard it from Yoda in The empire strikes back. Then once they redid the Star Wars movies some guy from Subway bastardized the line for one of their commercials (it was actually used rather well by Yoda). Knowing how original Hollywood actually is, this line must have been around long before they got their filthy hands on it…
Actually, I’d always thought this one was stupid too, until a few years ago I realized what it means:
It means your first business ought to be making yourself a person you like. You can roam all over the entire world, but wherever you go, the one thing that won’t change is that you will be there. So you’d better get to work on liking yourself, because you are the only thing you can’t ever get away from.
I think I realized this when a friend was showing me some old pictures, which included a lot of photos of him with various ex-girlfriends. He kept commenting about how completely awful all of the relationships had been, and I suddenly realized that the only constant in all these photos was that he was in every one of them.
My vote for stupidest proverb:
"Do as I say, not as I do."
What’s wrong with “Life isn’t fair”? It’s true in my experience and IMHO, those who think otherwise are deluding themselves. I like this quote from Babylon 5:
Sure you can. Simply someone who is counting on the rewards of work not yet accomplished.
I also disagree with “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing”. I equate it with “knowing just enough to be dangerous”, but not enough to be useful.
“You can’t beat that with a stick!”
Actually, I like that one.
How fortunate for you, that when you got your lemons, you also got abundant fresh water, plenty of sugar, and clean glass to drink from. For the rest of us, the reality is, "When life gives you lemons, Shut Up And Eat Your Goddam Lemons!!"
“A rolling stone gathers no moss.”
So is moss a bad thing and I’m supposed to keep moving to avoid it? Or is moss a good thing and I’m supposed to settle down and let it collect all over me?
First who smelt it, must have dealt it.
OK, we all learned while riding the schoolbus that the proper response to being confronted with a foul odor is to pull your shirt up over your face and loudly proclaim “EWWWWWW!” How can we engage in this important custom if doing so is certain to get us branded as the responsible party? Why must we sit silently in agony, with watering eyes and lungs gasping for fresh air, just to avoid being speciously accused of being the source? Why God, Why?!?! :eek:
Also, double penalty points for use of “smelt”.
Live each day as if it were your last
The basic sentiment – “Hey, life doesn’t last forever, so pay attention and make sure you have your priorities in order!” is fine, but actually living each day as if it were your last is really going to screw you up quickly if your last day is really 55 years in the future.
If this day were my last and I knew it, I wouldn’t worry about saving money, in fact I would spend all I needed to for a really fabulous day. Not such a good idea for every day though.
I wouldn’t bother going to work. Not a good plan for every day though.
I wouldn’t bother washing the dishes or doing the laundry either.
Stupid adage.