It isn’t a thing, exactly, it’s the paint.
I spent far too long in apartments where I didn’t like the color of the walls or the walls were all white and I just had deal.
My walls have color now. I love them. Even the room that’s in a color I don’t like (but chose because it was the color that needed to go there), I love. Strangers are nice enough not to say anything. Family members have posited that I need professional help of some kind or another (either an interior decorator or a psychologist, maybe both). But I like my pink entryway. So ha.
The tackiest object is the metallic magenta Christmas tree. But it’s only on display seasonally.
A Chinese statue of two kids dressed up like they’re getting married. Sort of like this:
But 1,000 times uglier. Their mouths are puckered up for a kiss, too.
I have a glow-in-the-dark Virgin Mary statue. But it’s only about 3 inches high and it sits near the kitchen sink. I’m the only one who really sees it or looks at it, so it’s not really Home Decor. But I get a fun little thrill every evening when I turn off the nearby lamp and all the lights in the kitchen and I see her Holy Glow.
My sisters and I each got one from our uncle one year, about 10 years ago. None of us like tacky things - they look like crap, waste money, take up space - but for some reason we all LOVE this stupid little m&m dispenser we each got. Every so often it comes up in conversation and we all turn to each other and say ‘Isn’t it wierd that we like that thing so much!? It makes no sense for us to like it!’
Mine has been sitting near the TV for years with nothing in it, but it doesn’t matter - its just that tacky it has transcended to awesome-ness.
Hmm. Is it still tacky if I’m actually USING the rabbit ears with my HDTV? They’re not on top of it - that would be fun. They’re spread across the living room windows for better reception. Uncompressed terrestrial HD is the way to go!
It’s got to be the deer antler table lamp.
ok, it’s fake antlers made out of resin.
Kind of like this.
My brother-in-law gave it to me 2 years ago for Christmas, based on my making fun of lamps like that. So last year I gave him an antler cribbage board. I’m expecting to get a light switch cover or maybe a mug tree this year.
I have a very large framed and matted poster of the 2000 USC Trojans Football team, all of them are half-nekkid and oiled up. It hangs in my dining room. It’s the only thing hanging on the walls. They sold the poster for 5 dollars as a fund raiser. My mother spent close to $200 having it custom matted and framed. I am told frequently that now that I am over 30 I should stop with the dorm room decor, but I can’t take my boys down I love them in all their oily glory.
We’ve got a silver pitcher thing. Embellished with bas-relief flowers (is “bas-relief” right? Like the flower was cut in half and laid onto the pitcher and then the silver equivalent of gilded. Lotta texture.) And suns. And a duck (I think).
It’s definitely silver because the thing tarnishes like crazy. It’s heavy. It’s ugly, ugly, ugly. If you put anything in it (it’s a pitcher!) when you pour it out, it tastes like tarnish.
Oh, it’s also apparently worth a lot of money and is a family treasure, although, oddly, it’s a family treasure nobody else seems to want.
We keep it hidden away. Naturally, a valuable thing like that, you don’t want to leave it just sitting around.
There is also a bronze Bust Of Me, which was a friend’s semester art project back in college. He made 2 bronze–one for his grade, and one to give my mother. She died, I have it now. It seems like a shame to throw it away. It’s in a closet, and even at the time he made it I asked him to give it some Dorian Gray qualities.
I have a suggestion that may save your marriage – if you can afford it, lovingly suggest to your wife that you UPGRADE your Asian art, making sure that you arrive at the understanding that the new painting (or screen, or whatever) will not simply remind her of Japan, but actually be culturally authentic and of that tradition – and that the old painting will be donated to charity. If you want to be really suave with this, check out several library books on Japanese art first (with as many big pictures as possible; your library might have some restrictions on checking out coffee-table-style art books) that you can peruse together to narrow down what you’ll be looking for by way of reproductions or originals.
If money’s tight, maybe you could still convince her to accept a nicely framed poster of a masterpiece.
I’ll have to go with when I had a house, in which case, oh, where do I begin? My home was decorated as a spinster pad (y’know, bachelor pad, except with less beer cans and tits).
Probably the worst was the Cats’ Lair. I also had a typebox barely up on the wall full of type and small figures. Most of my decoration was very cheap/inexpensive because I was on a very tight budget.
I don’t know, but all of y’all’s descriptions make me want to resume my search for a painting of Jesus and Elvis playing poker with the dogs, John Wayne and the Indian chief done on black velvet.
It’s tiny but still my favorite tchotchke, sitting atop my computer speaker. I have just grinned at it.
It’s a REALLY chintzy “snowstorm in a globe” thing, lowest quality plastic. Base is turquoise. Clear dome contains a drawing of the Alamo with large “The Alamo” banner below it; shake it and you get a snowstorm of metallic flakes that are every color except “snow” white; floating around with the flakes is a thin slab of plastic with a drawing of Davy Crockett standing there in bucksins, gazing thoughtfully into the distance (although he’s only about an inch long so it’s hard to tell).
Bonus feature: the base has a pencil sharpener in it. Doesn’t work either- it just kind of gouges the hell out of pencils.
It’s delightfully tacky and silly. I wish it were larger.
Clearly, I’ve been shopping at the wrong Goodwill stores.
Anyway, the tackiest thing here is probably the brass ashtray (I think it’s supposed to be an ashtray) surmounted by the figure of a dancer, dressed only in an Egyptian-style headdress, standing on one leg. Imagine this, but with less detail, no modesty flap, and proportions reminiscent of the Roswell “alien.” Now make it 10 times tackier, and you’re getting there.
That’s actually almost cool. Maybe because if you start with cribbage, you have nowhere to go but up.
Hilarity: Is it a bust of him or of yourself?
cwthree: That gave me a real champagne laugh.
And finally, this thread, in conjunction with the one about the onionhead kid paintings reminds me of a scene from one of Ellen Conford’s books.
It was the seventies, and the main character, about 11, goes into the living room to find her parents taking down the repro of Christina’s World and preparing to put up the onionhead kid.
Why are you putting that up? Because Elderly Relative who gave it to us is coming to visit, and we don’t want her to think we don’t like it. But you don’t like it. Well, we don’t want her to know that.
“But what if she thinks you like it so much, she gives you another one?”
Mom and Dad’s eyes get as big as those of the kid in the painting. Christina’s World stays up.
