Inspired by Drain Bead’s GD thread on chocolate crosses, what’s the tackiest thing you’ve ever come across.
Two things spring to mind for me:
in a design class, we were creating sculptures of found objects, and one woman brought in a piece that included a small locker mirror (the kind with suction cups) that had a decal of Jesus in metallic colors, as well as a thermometer. It was beyond kitsch.
in a Victoria’s Secret, I once came across a teddy made of velvet, satin, tulle, sequins, and ostrich feathers in a nauseating chartreuse. My friend and I giggled over it until they nearly threw us out of the store.
You?
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good dipped in chocolate.
I was walkin’ up Lexington Avenue about 15 years ago, and I saw a gum-chewing Laverne DeFazio type ahead of me. She was wearing a black nylon jacket which was embroidered with bowling pins, a lipstick and the legend, “Wilfred Academy of Beauty Bowling Team.”
To this day, I desperately want one of those jackets.
Me, too, Eve. I have a vintage bowling shirt with the name “Moreen” (sic) stiched over the cigarette pouch, and “Norka Mould and the Machine” on the back. But not as cool as that jacket.
While surfing for new checks, I found a site for pro-life checks. They had increadibly offensive cartoons on the checks. I can’t seem to find the link (sniff, sniff) but I really don’t understand why someone would put such offensive stuff on FINANCIAL banknotes.
“I go on guilt trips a couple of time a year. Mom books them for me.” A custom made Wally .sig!
My iguana's sick.
He's all floppy. Could he have
Reptile dysfunction?
-Chef Troy, Haiku Master
I really don’t get the “saw” genre of art. Panoramic scenes painted on big two-man saws. There always seems to be at least one booth selling these at small town festivals or at the state fair.
It’s probably the same thing that drives some people to airbrush mountainscapes and naked women on their vans.
A few years ago, I saw a van on the highway that had the faces of the guys from KISS in full face paint airbrushed on the side, with the words 'Rock ‘n roll all night and party every day’ below them.
Whew, It’s a toss up between a virgin mary statuette I once saw in a nursing home (it was covered in a fuzzy pink material that changed color with humidity so you could tell if it was going to rain), and my neighbors christmas nativity scene which featured day-glo wisemen, a multitude of Santa Clauses, a paper mache’ dinosaur, totally mismatched blinking lights, and a strawberry shortcake doll replacement for a stolen baby Jesus.
Yesterday, in the lobby of my office building, I saw a woman who appeared to be a refugee from a White Snake video. She had huge eighties hair (pulled back in half a ponytail, hanging halfway down her back, bangs teased with Aquanet and a fine tooth comb), lots of black eyeliner, black leather jacket full of buckles and belts, tight acid wash jeans that went to her ankles, black socks and black lace up ankle boots. Talk about a fashion emergency.
Yesterday, I saw a commercial for a mounted bass that you could hang on the well. The special part of the offer is that it reacts to movement. It’s tail starts flipping and it starts singing, including realistic mouth movements.
Gotta start giving those as birthday presents.
Well, honey just tastes better when it comes from a bear’s head.
I received a call from Mom last week. She bought me one. I had to kindly tell her that it did not fit in with my decor, seeing that it was the epitome of PWT art.
At a recent Pirates game, I saw a fellow sporting a denim jacket. Wait, it gets better. On the back was an incredibly detailed mural of a city skyline, with “Pittsburgh” emblazened in huge letters above it-- all in sequins. You could see this guy’s back from about 150 yards away. This was less than a month ago, not 15 years ago, by the way.
Me, when I get lazy and go more than 4 days without shaving. I grow facial hair very fast, but only on certain parts of my face-- the rest remains babyface smooth. Right now, in my latest experiment, I have a weasly looking mustache, a lot of scruffiness on my neck, a giant mutton-chop sideburn on the right side of my face, and some random peachfuzz on the left. Maybe I’ll try to gain more social clout and invoke a monoburn trend.
A friend of mine has, amidst the usual punk-rock band posters and abstract paintings of his own creation, a 3-foot-tall glossy poster of Kirk Cameron hanging on his bedroom wall. I’ve seen it countless times and still laugh every time I look at it. Then I get that damn song in my head.
My mother’s house during the holidays is a sight to behold. She must summon forth the Ghost of Christmas Tackiness.
But the best (or worst) decoration: for the past 30 years, she has put up this Santa head - it is flat on the back (so you can hang it on the wall, although my mother always puts it in the window facing out - thanks Mom, let us look at the cardboard side) with sort of a molded plastic face. There is hole in the back so you can put a light inside.
Until a few years ago, we had never seen one anywhere else. So we’ve been looking at this Santa for years, often wondering why Santa’s skin - even when the light is on inside - isn’t very rosy-cheeked. His face is kind of dark and it just seemed a little off somehow. But we kids just figured Mom must have bought another one of her bargain-rack items and that the thing was probably painted wrong.
Until, that is, I finally saw another one of these things in some dumpy store. It turns that what we have had hanging in our window lo these many years is a Black Santa. Needless to say, my mother still hangs it up, only now she thinks it’s both festive and hip.
Reminds me of this lovely item I saw while X-mas shopping at, where else, Wal-Mart: A handheld bass-fishing video game. Yep, one of those cheapo Tiger Electronics games with the LED display. All the excitement of bass fishing without the cans of Budweiser. I’d love to catch a glimpse of the target market for this product. It was a little too expensive for a gag gift if I recall, but I did mullet over (ha ha! Oh dear, I’m sorry).
Tacky? There is, as I suppose one could find anywhere, a wealth of it out here in the Midwest. Case in point, lawn ornaments. All shapes. All sizes. Animals. People. Heck, they even have the little guy in the sombrero or the black jockey for those people who want to add racist to their list, right under tacky. I thought they’d done it with the wooden cut-out of the little old lady’s rear end, bent over…nope. Next was the little old man with his hand on the little old lady’s rear end. Jeesh.
Now, probably, I’ve terribly offended someone…oops. Many apologies.
