autobiography, first draft: “Mind Like a Steel Sieve”
tombstone: ceramic statue in shape of dropped ice cream cone: no words
Tombstone: </life>
Assuming it would fit:
“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
And no one, including me, would buy or even read my autobiography so why bother?
Autobiography:
Huh?
Epitath:
Yes, I am the voice in your head that tells you to kill. Now I’ve carved it in a friggin’ rock. What more evidence do you need, and why aren’t your enemies dead yet?
My tombstone, if I can arrange it, will be an old fashioned obelisk, like so many in the little country cemetery where I will be buried.
On one side it will have:
My full name
Born Dec 31, 1954
Reborn ********
Job 19:21-27a “I know that my Redeemer lives…”
On the opposite side I will have three surnames inscribed, to show who else in the cemetery I was related to. My other relatives there are all from my mother’s side of the family, so I will be the only one with my name.
I got the “Reborn” idea, instead of “Died” when I last saw the AIDS quilt. That’s how the family of one of those memorialized had made his quilt piece, and I liked it. I don’t remember the name of the person, but maybe there will be some way to look him up later on and tell him about it, and have a laugh.
Epitaph:
I knew this would happen, just not so soon.
Biography: Requiem for a Madman
Epitaph: Either “He Was Useful”, or something like this. (Nudge nudge, get it?)
Title of my autobiography:
Ummmm… What was I talking about again?
Epitaph:
Now I’ll really raise hell.
They’ll be the same: What the hell was that?
Autobiography:
My best guess
Epitaph:
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
" Wow this sucks. "
" Well that sucked. "
Hey, I want to play!
Autobiography: None of your business!
Epitaph: I guess this is why nobody will work Customer Service for the Universe.
Autobio: Making a Difference for the Good? You Decide
Tombstone: No. Place me on the ground without nasty chemicals and let my sig line apply 
Autobiography: Wha?
Tombstone: Damn it!
Autobiography will have the same title as my website: A Slice of Life, on Wry
Tombstone: We are all terminal, some of us are just terminal faster.
Autobiography: On Being Drunk and Crazy and Brain Damaged
There will be no tombstone!!!
Ooo! I just thought of another tombstone.
Life is a race, and I beat you. Loser.
Autobio: Huh? What?, because I always seem to be about 10 minutes behind everyone else.
Epitaph: “Here lies an atheist. All dressed up and nowhere to go.”
Autobiography Title:
“It’s not finished yet.”
Epitaph:
OK, I’m done now.
Autobiography: The hell if I know!
Epitaph: “Can I have the remote now?” Your beloved husband