The worst food poisoning I ever had in my life was in Moscow. Just miserable. Also, the only time I’ve ever gotten an intestinal parasite was in Moscow, but that may have been from the water.
Had burnt hard candy, shaped like handguns, of all things (on May Day), and tea, which was usually something Russians could do up right, that maybe had been made on a “conserve water” day, so they maybe used the water they’d boiled the sausages in that morning.
But I got to go see the Bolshoi every other weekend, including seeing Maya Pleisetskaya dance Anna Karenina before she retired, saw the Russian circus, St. Basil’s Cathedral, and Lenin’s corpse (he was very short), went to an amazing international school, and lived among people who didn’t care about small change. No one was grubby about money.
Back in 1982 we drove down to Florida. Somewhere in Kentucky, Tennessee or Georgia we stopped for a night in some rinky dink town. My mother asked the hotel front desk where a good place to eat was. The food was inedible. The meat was all gristle and the french fries resembled long white floppy worms. My folks had the same issue with what they ordered. And the place was fairly packed.
In 2003, when I was living on my own for the first time and working a barely-above minimum wage fast food job, I made the mistake of paying $4.99 for a large pepperoni-and-sausage pizza from a liquor store (this story takes place in CA, where it’s not unusual for liquor stores to have a deli counter or some kind of hot food service) around the corner from where I was renting a room. I ate a slice and a half before deciding it tasted of nothing but grease and stuck the remainder in the fridge. When I ventured in the next day to give it another shot, I discovered it had in fact been so greasy that the grease had congealed into a solid orange layer of fat over the entire top of the pizza, as if you’d chilled a pot of broth in order to defat it. I regrettably tossed the rest of the pizza and resolved to never buy any pizza cheaper than Domino’s ever again.
After driving many hours on the way to Pensacola for a conference, I stopped for the night in a small seaside town close to midnight. I was famished but didn’t expect there to be any restaurants open at that time. But, I was wrong. Much to my delight, there was a lone rustic-looking seafood shanty still open. I pulled in, sat down, and ordered their fried seafood special. Yum! I was the only customer in the shack so service was prompt. I couldn’t wait to dig in.
The entree looked quite good. Homemade slaw, hushpuppies, and a generous slab of fried fish greeted me quite seductively from my plate. I armed myself with a knife and fork and dug in.
When I punctured the fish filet with the tines of my fork…it deflated like the roast turkey from Christmas Vacation when Chevy Chase carved into the Christmas bird. I swear it even squeaked like a deflating balloon.
I performed thorough exploratory forensic surgery on the corpse of my seafood special. I found nothing that could be called flesh within the “skin” of my fried fish filet. It was just 2 layers of fried breadcrumbs and air.
Of course, I complained to the waitress. She apologized, like a bratty kid apologizes when he’s caught doing something bad (i.e. he’s not really sorry). I asked for a new entree. After a few minutes in the kitchen, the waitress returned and said (snottily), “I’m sorry, but we’re all out of fish, hon.”
[dons thinking cap]…and yet you serve and charge for fish when in fact you have no fish to serve or legitimately charge for [/un-dons thinking cap].
I ended up ordering the only thing the waitress said they had left—a cheese sandwich. It tasted…fishy.
Worst for the money but I went to some fancy Burger place in Las Vegas with friends called Burger Bar, the kind of burger place where the burger combos were $30 on average.
So we all got our $30 burger combos with fries, and dug into them. We got surprisingly mediocre burgers with very thin bland fries. We all discussed this and came to the conclusion the burgers tasted exactly like Jack in the Box burgers and fries. In fact just to be sure, after the meal we brought the leftovers with us, found a Jack in the Box on the strip, and bought a Jumbo Jack combo. Yep, a side by side taste test revealed they were remarkable similar in all aspects. They must have the same suppliers we realized.
So for years afterwards any time we would go to Jack in the Box we’d call them Burger Bar Burgers and make a big deal about how we were getting them for 75% off.
Mine were all in the US. The worst, in a tough field, was the lasagna served in an Olive Garden in Utah in the 1990s, which was frozen. I mean with actual ice crystals in it. Utterly inedible.
Oh man, that reminds me of a road trip through Pennsylvania when we stopped at some place for breakfast and I decided to try scrapple. Add “sawdust” to what you described and I think that’s what I got.
That happened to us with fried chicken from Walmart. I brought it home and gave the big breast piece to my husband. I had the other bits and noticed - I was eating fried chicken batter, no actual chicken. Husband said about his without my asking, ‘where’s the chicken in this? I can’t find even a whole bite of white meat!’ I guess you get what you pay for, maybe the chicken shrunk while cooking, or sitting around a long time, later.
Maybe you were traveling with my ex. He knew where every Cracker Barrel was in any town we went to. Not horrible, just boring.
There’s a Chinese buffet in town that has been around for years. I always heard about how good it was but had never gone there as it wasn’t really convenient for me and there were other Chinese places closer by that were good. I found myself by the buffet place one time and decided to give it a try. Everything tasted the same, like it was all frozen and then all deep-fried in the same oil. I couldn’t understand why everyone raved about it. It was expensive too.
Some others upthread have mentioned bad experiences at Arby’s. I got raw chicken fingers there once. The batter on the outside was cooked but the the actual chicken inside was raw. I took one bite and about threw up. My ex (same ex) thought I was being over-dramatic so he grabbed one and took a big bite. He then went running from our table to the bathroom gagging and choking. And I was being dramatic… The Arby’s manager gave us our money back and let us get whatever else we wanted to eat. That was years ago and to this day I still can’t eat chicken fingers unless I’ve cooked them myself.
I had Mexican food deep in the heart of Texas that was so bad I think it was maybe a TV Dinner from the 60’s that was quicky and unevenly heated. The taco shells were stale and rank, the “meat” in the taco was like wet sawdust, the lettuce was dry and nasty. The rice was like little orange pellets and the beans were like semi-dried wallpaper paste. Even the chips and salsa were Dollar-Store quality and stale as well. Easily the worst Mexican food I’ve ever been served.
Ah, one I’ve not heard! Back in college, we had “Dine 'n Dash”, “Eat it and Beat it”, “Scarf and Bail” and my personal contribution, “Consume and VaRoom!”
That reminds me of another bad one. When I was in grad school there was a Ruby Tuesday’s near the office. At some point somebody dropped of a huge stack of $5 entree coupons. No limit per table, no additional purchase required, just $5 any entree. That was still more than the food was worth. After blanketing all the local businesses with the lunch coupons, us graduate students were still often the only ones there during the “lunch rush”.
The worst was getting french fries that were burned on the outside and frozen in the middle. I guess that means the oil was way too hot?
Finally determined the salad bar was the best option, but for much less than $5 (plus tax and tip) I can get iceberg lettuce, canned garbanzo beans, and ranch dressing from home.
Arizona Steakhouse on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon.
It was over 20 years ago and I still remember it.
The steak was literally unedible, not even a bite was possible. It was all bone and grizzle and looked it.
I did complain, genuinely thinking it was a mistake. Waited 20 min and another ‘steak’ was brought out. It was essentially the same. So then I knew it was their normal fare. So bad I remember it over 20 years later.
Not ‘ate’ but a drink. I ordered a Dambui a couple of years ago at the restaurant in the Chico Hot Springs restaurant in Montana. It cost $10 and, when it came, was literally something like 10 drops of Drambui. DROPS. You could barely see any liquid in the glass. I complained, a manager came over. I thought just showing it to him would resolve the matter. He didn’t do anything.
Now, the restaurant in Chico Hot Springs is GREAT! REALLY GREAT. Seriously. However, don’t order drinks there.
Ah, yes. My experience there was not as bad as yours, but it was… disappointing. Vowed ever to have the fancy meal of our biannual visit be at El Tovar.