Ah, yes. Why “fries” means “testicles,” I don’t know. I noticed that in the frozen section about a decade ago, though I think it was “beef fries.” It was pretty obvious it wasn’t what I was thinking.
Thankfully I have not been to the Arizona Steakhouse. I went to El Tovar twice when I stayed there and it was a pretty decent Nice Restaurant for both take-out dinner and sit-down breakfast, albeit it had a restricted dinner menu at the time due to Covid.
One of my local grocery stores had “Turkey Fries” for sale in bulk, with a “Turkey Thighs” sticker with the second word crossed out and corrected.
Turkey testicles?
And “beef pizzles”, which are sold, dried, in the dog care department, are made from the equipment of a male cow.
There’s a Doper who has told the story about having a business meeting in my own fair multi-city, and he and his coworkers went to a Golden Corral down the road. He said there was literally NOTHING on the buffet line that looked even remotely appetizing, so he ended up eating IIRC a cold sandwich from the gas station.
I’m assuming this person was a man, of course.
I had a similar thing happen to me, a frozen lasagna, but this time at Broadway Pizza (a Minnesota chain). The top looked done, but the inside was frozen. I sent it back and they brought it back to me, nice and hot. They obviously nuked it in a microwave, but to the point where the entire thing became a bowl of soup. I didn’t know you could heat noodles to the point where they become paste.
This thread reminded me of an Aziz comedy bit. He’s interviewing a lady from the audience about how she once failed to accept a wedding proposal at a “five star restaurant”; staying silent because she “wanted to eat”. Aziz felt this was worse than saying no.
It transpired that this occurred during lunch, and Aziz made a joke about how lunch at a five star restaurant was only worth four stars. Then it was revealed there were breadsticks. The crowd went nuts went Aziz asked the woman (paraphrased) “Answer this question honestly, ma’am. When describing the breadstick policy at this five star restaurant, is the word “unlimited” ever used?”
in the 90s I was told that all the best authentic Russian cooking happened in Brighton beach …
my worst experience was the only time I’ve ever eaten at a Perkins…Now I know before chicken nuggets /strips/popcorn chicken became a thing kids menus were pretty basic and we’ve been on the road for the better part of 4 days… So I bit the bullet and ordered the kids spaghetti plate… and got the exact same canned slop that the school district served by a waitress that looked like shed been tired since 1980
And the adults’ food weren’t much better… fastest meal we’ve ever had in a restaurant …
honorable mention is the various Dennys in Orlando Florida near Disney World …first the wait was so long that they used a speaker system …and the food was undercooked and cold … one of the few times my family didn’t mind us ordering cereal in a restaurant cause it was gulp gobble and go
I’ve actually had excellent Russian cooking in Brighton beach.
I did that the first time I tried making a noodle dish in our crock pot.
I once destroyed a restaurant with a four-word review: “The salmon was tough.”
But there was a worse one. It was an “Irish” restaurant in Springfield, VA. I’ve forgotten the name now. They advertised the “Best Shepherd’s Pie” without the customary geographical limitation. That should have clued me in.
I’m not a big lamb person, but I thought I’d give it a shot. First of all it was Cottage pie (made with beef) and second, the beef was reconstituted from a WWII surplus SOS packet. The gravy tasted like raw flour, powdered milk, and rusty water with a bunch of stale black pepper in it. The potatoes on top were obviously freeze dried and had been made with margarine instead of butter.
I took one bite and spit it back onto the plate. And I can still taste it. Vividly.
:shudder:
I grew up near a diner in Fairfax, VA called the Tastee 29. We used to say that the meatloaf there was the modern equivalent of a “Bowl of Brown.”*
*Huge stew pot into which miscellaneous new ingredients are added for years on end without ever actually emptying or washing the pot.
Monk fish. Many years ago, I saw an episodes of “The French Chef” where she prepared monk fish. She commented that it looked awful but tasted great.
About five years later, I was at a restaurant in Boston and saw that monk fish was on the menu. Of course, I ordered it. What I got resembled a mass of tough flesh, bones, and cartilage. It might even have been a head…I really have no idea. It was inedible. I pried a few pieces of fish out with a fork, but it wasn’t tasty and certainly wasn’t worth the effort. I complained about it and the wait staff and management basically treated me like I was crazy and that this was completely normal.
That place used to be pretty good…back in the day. My family now avoids it.
I’ve also seen them sold frozen at Caribbean groceries. And I wouldn’t be surprised if they got some fresh ones at the meat packing place I go to, as they seem to have every damn part of the pig and cow up for sale.
I did that a while back in my Instant Pot, when I left the pressure on a few minutes too long.
I haven’t seen monkfish in the grocery store for years (another one that I suppose is disappearing). But I bought some for a dinner party because it was called ‘Poor Man’s Lobster’. What could go wrong?..well, it looked nice and white, but the texture was strange. Yes, tough and gristly in parts, maybe a bite or two of edible fish. I was very embarrassed. I made a great lemon butter sauce, though, and there was that, asparagus, and plenty of rice to put it on.
We are in western CH and I can confirm that McDo’s has chicken wings. Not very spicy but the quality of the meat is good.
Properly prepared monkfish is delicious. But any seafood can be spoiled, overcooked or badly made. Monkfish is not that easy to find in Canada, however.