I’ve gone out to a meal, movie, theatrical show with a number of women, some much younger than me, some with boyfriends or husbands. Their significant others always know we’re going out and probably trust me more since all my female friends describe me as “harmless”. Short, round (now even rounder), and old. :mad: When I asked one friend what she would think if I turned into a “bad boy”, she only laughed and said “YOU, a bad boy!” I usually pick them up with the day/evening ending with nothing more than a “Thank you, it was fun” from both sides. In my mind and heart, there’s no intention of it being becoming more than friends. I almost always pay for the entire meal, movie, show and maybe one out of three times they’ll pay.*
*This is an ingrained habit from my upbringing, Always give more than you receive.
My best male friend and I got into our biggest argument because I wanted to invite a young woman who was a waitress at a restaurant we frequently went to, to a theatrical show that I was highly interested in and thought she would be too. My friend purposely egged me on by saying I wanted to go out a “date” with her because I had an interest in her. I did find her attractive in an odd way, but because of our age difference and very casual encounters (as guest and waitress), I insisted this was simply a one off event that I had no intention of pursuing further. Nothing more than going out with my other female friends. I was so upset, I didn’t ask her and didn’t go to the show.
When I asked several of my female friends what they considered a “date”, they all gave me the same answer. It’s when people of the opposite sex who have a mutual (potential love) interest in each other go out. If one side doesn’t have that interest, it’s not a “date”
I agree, it’s when two people get together with romantic interest or potential romantic interest, however, I am also reminded of the joke, “I’m dating her, but she doesn’t know it yet.”
Seems to me that a “date” must contain the possibility of a romantically/sexually intimate outcome, predicated on but no requiring an initial mutual attraction - else you could not call a blind date a “date”. Also, there is no requirement that this activity be limited to “people of opposite sex”.
What if you decided, after the first time, that you were very interested in the waitress and she was very interested in you? Would that retroactively make the event a date?
That wouldn’t happen with your married and otherwise encumbered friends, which makes those events not dates. Though they should offer to pay for themselves unless there is a wide income gap.
I would refer it a the first time we went out, but not a date. To my mind, I’ve never been on a date since I’ve never been certain the other person was interested (as I said in another thread, I’m really bad at catching social clues, especially from the opposite sex). My ex and I never had a date. We would always go out in a group of three or more and the one time I asked her out to lunch, we spent the entire time talking about our mutual friend. Once we acknowledged our mutual interest in each other, things moved quickly from one stage to the next.
As for who pays, it works out pretty close in the long run. Meals are almost never more than $30 for the two of us and If pay for the meal, they’ll usually pay for the movies, then I’ll pay for the popcorn and drinks. I’m not rich by any definition, but since I have no children or family obligation, I treat them like a sister or niece with memories of how my parents took care of me.
You date people you want to be romantically involved with… you go out with friends or potential friends. By that definition you aren’t dating because you don’t intend to start romantic relationships with these women. Once you cross that line then it becomes a date, even if that wasn’t your original intention.
Do you go out on similar outings with your younger male friends where you pay? If not, then I would lean slightly towards the “date” end of the spectrum (but not very much).
I disagree: they don’t have to be of different sex. I’ll go one further: you can even have a group date, if polyamorous (different from a double-triple-whatever date, each of which involves the appropriate number of couples).