I get plenty of mileage out of plain old fuck off.
Once in a while at work someone will politely ask me to do something, “Hey could you show me how to use a partition statement?”
And I will respond, without looking up, “No, fuck off.”
I love the little pause while they work out, “Hang on that’s not like him. Oh, I get it it’s a joke.” And then they laugh.
Works equally when caught out in an error. Unless of course you are the kind of person who means it.
My favorite is one that uses the word as a noun, but not in the usual way:
*
“How’d you like to eat a nice big bowl of fuck!”*
Steaming mounds of fuck works too.
My favorite use of “fuck” in a movie is pretty obscure - it’s from a 1976 comedy on the McCarthy hearings, the Front. It’s just… perfect.
I like when it turns up unexpectedly (and non-gratuitously) in song.
John Lennon (Working Class Hero), Cowboy Junkies (Floorboard Blues), James Taylor (Steamroller Blues), Elvis Costello (Suit of Lights).
Dylan had a recent example too, but the song title escapes me at the moment.
mmm
There’s always “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!”
Lately I’ve been wanting to replace Fuck with Bugger in my vocabulary. I haven’t been very successful at it, but I’ve been wanting to do it.
When someone you don’t know asks you a question, usually in an accusatory tone, that is none of their [fucking] business…
Why is my so-and-so such-and such? Fuck-you, that’s why!
Tom Hanks in Catch Me if You Can:
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Go fuck yourself
[QUOTE=John Mace;17004857Why is my so-and-so such-and such? Fuck-you, that’s why![/QUOTE]
My personal favorite, especially when applied to someone’s disbelief that you don’t love their favorite food/band/movie etc.
My friend came to visit me at my house, and my roommate and I were watching Ace of Cakes. When he commented that he didn’t like Duff, she responded with the whole ‘What?! How can you not like Duff?’
His response: ‘Because his face is stupid. I don’t need a fucking reason, I just do.’
Classic.
Yippee-oh-kai-yay-mother…
I like the story (usually said of Harlan Ellison, but certainly apocryphal and attributed to any man who is short of stature):
Man (to beautiful woman): What would you say to a little fuck?
Woman (waving): Hello, little fuck.
Yes, I like the concept that everyone born on this planet, even Christ himself, has an extra middle name, besides the one their parents gave them. And at any given time, if they really piss off someone, then that middle name can be invoked.
Examples:
Q, Who the hell would try and bug a shrink’s office?
A. Richard Fucking Nixon
Q. Who started WW II?
A. Adolph Fucking Hitler
Q. Why are you thinking of giving up on women?
A. Sarah Fucking Palin
Fucktastic!
I’ve seen the acronym slowly falling off and “dafuq?” get subbed it, presumably because it’s kind of fun.
I’m fond of fuckityfuckityfuckfuckfuck, you fuckstick and absofuckinglutely.
I usually let loose with the Carlin: Shitpissfuckcuntcocksuckermotherfuckertits!!!
I’m fond of “Fuck you, you fucking fucks!”
Some favorite usages come from Anthony Burgess in regards to the British Army:
Delivered to his CO when denied leave when his wife was raped, “Then God fuck the Army!”
“The Army can fuck you, but they can’t make you pregnant. Or maybe they can, but they can’t make you love the kid.”
Least favorite usage: Stephen King’s coinage “fuckaroo.” Just sounds asinine.
When people really screw something up, I like to call them Fucken McFucknuts.