If they answer ‘YES’ to, have you been in jail?, are you violent when you are angry?, or are you a thief?
[ul]
[li]Bad breath[/li][li]Obsession with money (whether expressed openly, or implicitly through an obsession with expensive trinkets, cars, etc.)[/li][li]Too much makeup[/li][li]No sense of humor. I’m not talking about whether or not she laughs at my jokes; I want to hear her make a few cracks of her own to show me she’s got some spirit and wit.[/li][li]Talks about previous relationships or flings. (OK to talk about those later, but I don’t want to hear it on the first date.)[/li][li]Is rude or impatient with waitress or waiter.[/li][/ul]
I also like to see that a woman likes children, but that issue doesn’t always come up on a first date. I like to see the “nurturing” side of a woman. This may be a somewhat instinctive desire to chose a mate who would be a good mother.
Also, I can handle a few lame CDs in the music collection, but music is really important to me, and I would prefer someone with at least considerable overlap in musical tastes.
Usually I just ask them “Do you want to get together again sometime?” And if they say no, then I dump em quick 
Being notified of the restraining order is a good sign, too. 
Someone who does not give a damn about what I do, what is important for me. It isn’t like I want to endlessly bore someone with my lint collection, or anything. But I remember attending this party a while back. A lot of my friends were looking at a little notebook full of sketches and cartoons I’d made. Some new guy (who just wanted to get into my pants) thumbed through the sketchbook and barely looked at it. Another guy (who I had just met) took his time, and looked at each page, making comments about each sketch along the way.
Needless to say, the second guy is still a good friend, over 10 years later. The first guy? I have no idea where the hell he is.
I must agree with many posters on this–anyone who is rude to servers is a definite no-no.
[hijack] I had a date once in which the guy was very rude and condescending to the waitress. I had finally had it when he gave her a dressing down when she stopped by during our main course to see if everything was ok. I excused myself to go to the ladies room; I hunted down the waitress and talked to her–and gave her a $20 for her troubles (I was sure he was going to not leave a tip). Then, I did not return to the table–I went home. Thank god we had agreed to meet at the restaurant, so I had my car. [/hijack]
Other big first date no-nos:
[li]Taking cell phone calls during the date (null & void if it’s an emergency, of course)[/li][li]Getting into big political discussions about controversial subjects[/li][li]Drinking too much[/li]Ogling too much at other women
I agree with having bad breath, being rude to servers, and talking about past relationships.
I also cannot stand sloppy eaters. I mean, if he cuts his meat funny that’s fine, but one time this guy had honey mustard all over his fucking face - it was embarrassing! He had a napkin, for god’s sake!
I also expect a compliment when he picks me up and flowers would be nice too. Those are generally excellent signs, IMHO, and loosen me up. But if he doesn’t give either, usually it’s ok.
If he has a fanatical obsession with anything - mass murders or stamps or race cars. I get passionate about the Beatles and good books, but sometimes people can take it way too far and frighten me (ever since a boy gave me his cherished copy of “An Encyclopedia of Mass Murderers and Serial Killers” to show his adoration for me, I am a litte gunshy, is all).
I want someone who is kind and genuinely interested in what I have to say. If he cuts me off or is mean, he doesn’t even get a kiss.
High standards, I know.
- If she wears so much perfume it makes me gag, forget it.
- If her answer to every solicitation for an opinion is “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” then I take her home immediately.
Too many dates go like this:
ME: Where do you want to eat?
HER: I don’t know.
ME: Well, do you have a preference, or anything to avoid?
HER: Anything is fine.
ME: What movie do you want to see?
HER: I don’t care.
Get an opinion already, I don’t care if we disagree, but at least get over the apathy.
Any of the following statements tell me I will not see her again:
"Can we go by my baby-daddy's house so I can pick up my checks."
"All my friends think I look way older than 15" AAHHHH
"Let's not walk on the beach tonight, my bunyuns (sp?) are killing me?"
"Genital warts arent really that bad once you get used to them"
She can talk about her recent surgery during dinner as long as it doesnt start like this:
"Now you can't even tell I was a man."“Hey, when are you gonna
…send me a valentine on Feb 14
…pay for my movie ticket
…tell that guy he can’t look at me
…tell that chick that you’re with me
…give up your apartment and move in
…give me an engagement ring
…marry me?”
::I wasn’t auditioning::
Look…you are who you are, and I find you interesting and attractive for the ways in which you are uniquely special as an individual, plus for the ways in which you are female, which are not particularly unique on your part.
The being female part could be replaced by an extremely wide spectrum of cute female folks. Get over it.
The uniquely special part isn’t at all enhanced by blindly emulating what every other heterosexual couple has tended to do in the name of fulfillment, in hopes of similar outcomes. Geez, don’t you read anything? Give me a militant radical feminist anyday. At least I know where they are coming from!
Don’t try to put me in a guy-slot. I have to be able to say I am not into marriage without you automatically categorizing me as a playboy who isn’t ready to settle down, or a scared male wabbit who can’t handle commitment. Trust me: I like good things that last! And I can persevere and hang on through rough times as long as there is sufficient reason to do so.
I’ve reached my own accord with the behavior-pattern known as “monogamy”. My reasons for arriving there may or may not match your own. I am not uninterested in how you reached monogamous conclusions yourself. But do not treat any set of reasons–yours or those of best friend Cindy Lou or those of Ann Landers–as a set of divine scriptural prescriptives. I do not value monogamy for its own sake; it is an accurate description of the behavior in which I have found myself engaging after giving myself the liberty to do whatever I wanted to do. It isn’t a fucking virtue or character trait. It’s just what one does or doesn’t tend to want. And I don’t promise it, or respect or otherwise give a shit about any promises of such coming from you. Do what you want to do.
Nacho4Sara,
“An Encyclopedia of Mass Murderers and Serial Killers”
LOL.
My parents bought me that book last Christmas. There is no way I’m giving it to some girl unless she is very, very special. He must have really liked you.
Talking about her ex-boyfriend on the first date equals immediate disqualification.
But I think the real test is how she handles a silent period. Being uncomfortable then isn’t a good thing.
Second date? I have a hard enough time getting the first date!
Damn … AHunter3. I think I dated you. Well, not the first stuff. I never cared about Valentine’s Day, or any of that other nonsense and I’m not looking to get married. But… the monogamy part? I need that. Now, I am not of the opinion that you should try to change people, even if it were possible, but it just makes sense that if I need something you can’t give me, then I’m the one that needs to deal with that. I did. Unfortunately, he doesn’t want me gone, he just wants me to learn to play by his rules. (I don’t think he was actually screwing anyone else, but he always made it clear that it was his right to do so) I did (and probably still do) love him, and I’ve never tried to change him, but every time I leave he starts this big campaign to get me back. This time, though, it’s just not going to happen. Call me a bitch, but I need to be the only toy in the sandbox.
True story.
My wife, on her very first “real” date (aged 14 or 15), went out with a guy a year or two older. The ages are important: Neither of them drove. They lived in Chicago – she was within spitting distance of Hyde Park – and to get to the restaurant, they had to talk.
On the way to the restaurant, the guy pointed to some of the low-income housing neighboring the park, and made reference to the “niggers” living there.
Ba-da-bing! No second date. If she’d been a couple of years older, she would have walked away from him right then and there; she’s still disappointed she didn’t.
Word to the wise: Making ethnic slurs on the first date, not such a good idea.
For me, it’s a bit simpler. I just ask myself, did I have more fun with her tonight than I would have if I just stayed home, or did something else?
If you make ethnic slurs, please do make them on the first date. It would be much worse to find out after a few dates that someone is really a waste of skin and has just been hiding their bigotry.
If I can’t talk with her for more than fifteen minutes withouit falling asleep or wanting to kill her.
If it seems like she wants to play games.
If she seems preocupied with money.
If she has no sense of humor.
If she doesn’t practice personal hygiene.
If she doesn’t know what “hygiene” means.
Well, I don’t pretend to understand it, but folks who say what you say certainly outnumber folks who say what I say. I do believe a very high percentage of them say it to their significant other and again to the person with whom they are cheating on him/her, but you probably know that at least as well as I do.
I don’t think I have any right to make anyone else play by my rules. I do tell people the rules I play by and would think that anyone who felt this was a major area of incompatibility would say so up front and early. As you said, if you’re the one who needs something that the one you’re with is saying he ain’t providing to anyone, you need to do something about it.
Sorry about hijacking this thread, but… AHunter3 … this is not something that’s going to come up early. It wouldn’t even matter early in a relationship. It’s when the sex gets emotional, and you want to make love with your eyes open … that’s when you don’t want to wonder who he’ll be sleeping with tomorrow.
In an effort to un-hijack, here’s a first date no-no. Bringing your date a gift of massage oils. YIKES … what was he thinking? Oh well, I’m home now and he’s gone, and I do mean gone.