According to the results of our survey, there’s a 95% probability that it takes between 0.83 and 1.17 statisticians to change a light bulb.
Currently unemployed but my friend said I had to put this here for him.
Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.
(underline mine)
would that be a homeopathic lightbulb?
Q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Does it have to be a light bulb?
This is not really my specific field, but I do have to read stuff like this. (Text generally lifted from a Reddit post, but with many additions and edits to “improve” it.)
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Such number as may be reasonably necessary to perform the stated task in a timely, efficient, and workmanlike manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from its current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and illumination of the area bounded by lines extending from the lateral edges of the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, bounded by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the discretion and sole responsibility of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by, and with no compensation provided for in, the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal procedure shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without augmented elevation at said party’s sole discretion, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of augmenting elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being of the essence.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable federal, state, and local laws, regulations, and ordinances, and shall be solely responsible for any fees, fines, damages, or liability due to improper, reckless, or negligent handling or disposal of the party of the second part (Light Bulb).
3.) Once said separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”), a separate and distinct entity from the party of the first part (Light Bulb). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedure described in section one of this self-same document, substituting the party of the fourth part (New Light Bulb) for the party of the second part (Light Bulb). The party of the first part (Lawyer), must be careful to also reverse the rotation of the party of the second/fourth part, such that said party of the fourth part is rotated in a clockwise direction, this point also being of the essence.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any designee of the party of the first part (Lawyer), at said party’s sole discretion.
How many can you afford?
Him: How many Bulgarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Me: Apparently more than one.
Of course, this isn’t all that funny to anyone outside the two of us standing there. In any case, he’s Bulgarian and was struggling to screw in a light bulb when he half-under his breath said ‘how many Bulgarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?’.
Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 0.05 man-hours to change the bulb, 1000 man-hours to write the root cause failure analysis.
Dammit…I was going to say that one!
(And in the midst of my petulance, I will now list some lawyer non-lightbulb jokes*:
What’s the difference between a lawyer and sperm? Even sperm has a million to one shot at becoming a human being one day.
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? He gets taller.
Why do they bury lawyers 9 feet deep? Because deep down, they really aren’t so bad.
Why don’t sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.)
- I hope this isn’t thread shitting.
How may surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb?
While we’re in there, let’s just remove the entire socket. You’re not using it and it will just cause you trouble in the future.
How many radiologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
We’ll need to get a picture first.
How many internists does it take to change a lightbulb?
I’m not sure. Could be a lightbulb but need to rule out other etiologies.
I can not resist listing jokes for dogs, even though they are not a profession.
I have been a software developer, so that’s been covered, but I’m originally an electrical engineer. I made the joke up:
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, that’s an electrician’s job.
Trying some I made up:
How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Yes, that’s the question you need to answer.
How many professors does it take to change a lightbulb?
See me during office hours.
How many professors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Ask the graduate assistant.
How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
You don’t know!! You weren’t there!
(heard on the radio once. It won the “Make us laugh” contest [Don and Mike on 106.7 in DC in case anyone knows them])
How many historians does it take to change a light bulb?
There is a great deal of debate on this issue. Up until the mid-20th century, the accepted answer was ‘one’: and this Whiggish narrative underpinned a number of works that celebrated electrification and the march of progress in light-bulb changing. Beginning in the 1960s, however, social historians increasingly rejected the ‘Great Man’ school and produced revisionist narratives that stressed the contributions of research assistants and custodial staff. This new consensus was challenged, in turn, by women’s historians, who criticized the social interpretation for marginalizing women, and who argued that light bulbs are actually changed by department secretaries. Since the 1980s, however, postmodernist scholars have deconstructed what they characterize as a repressive hegemonic discourse of light-bulb changing, with its implicit binary opposition between ‘light’ and ‘darkness,’ and its phallogocentric privileging of the bulb over the socket, which they see as colonialist, sexist, and racist. Finally, a new generation of neo-conservative historians have concluded that the light never needed changing in the first place, and have praised political leaders like Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher for bringing back the old bulb. Clearly, much additional research remains to be done.
How many authors does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as are present and want an excuse to avoid trying to figure out a plot problem.
Awesome to see so many responses.
Some made me laugh, others… left me scratching my head. But then that was sort of the point of the thread. 
I promise I am in no way homophobic…this was told to me by a gay fri end who manages a full service cafe in St Louis.
How many straight waiters does it take to change a light bulb in St Louis’ Central West End…
Both of them.
This made me think about how we’d really do it, here in our office.
There would be one to fill in the work order request in the database. One to approve the WOR and release it to the Facilities Department. Then the areas of responsibility would be changed so that a third engineer would get the reply from Facilities that relamping happens on a regular schedule and our building is scheduled to be done in eight months.
Not my profession, but…
How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two…two…check…two