Switch the bulb on for 8 seconds, then off for 2 seconds, then on for eight seconds, then off for 2 seconds, then on for eight seconds, then off for 2 seconds, then…
How many teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it’s not on the state standardized test and light bulbs aren’t in the budget.
How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, hippies screw in sleeping bags.
Similar to the California/hot tub version.
How many substitute teachers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, if it’s in the lesson plan the teacher left. (But that probably means math class will have to be skipped.)
None, if it’s not in the lesson plan, even if the classroom is completely dark. (In which case, movie time!)
How many Field Service Technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, and they do it very well, but there is that $250 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider, per diem and hotel, and vehicle rental.
Or
Two, one to replace it with an already burned out bulb, and the second to fly in a good bulb from the factory.
How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it will take 9 visits.
Well, I heard it with a certain ethnic group that I wouldn’t repeat, but it is open season on Nazis.
How many chiefs of surgery does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he doesn’t have to screw it in - he holds still, and the whole universe revolves around him.
IANAD, but I used to work for a hospital system, so, close enough.
Regards,
Shodan
How many Instructional Designers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. We’re going to teach you how to do it for yourself.
Well done, Shodan!
Teaching Tai Chi is not my profession; it’s just a side-gig.
Nevertheless Shodan and perhaps others may appreciate this variant of one I tell new students*
Q: How many martial arts experts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least fourteen, probably more. The first will notice it’s dark and change the bulb while the others stand around watching, after which each of the rest will take turns saying, “Ah! That was an interesting technique (application), but in MY style we do it differently. Allow me to demonstrate…”
–G!
*…particularly when they say, “Yeah…I used to train with…”
A couple bonus entries, though these are not related to professions, per se:
Q: How many Tai Chi Masters does it take to change a light bulb
A: No, no, not just the light bulb! You must understand that the fundamental nature of the Universe IS change!
Student: How many Boddhidharma does it take to change a light bulb?
Master: What you don’t seem to understand, is that there is no light bulb.
Student: So, you’re saying I don’t actually need the light?
Master: Furthermore, you don’t need the darkness, either.
Student: No, really, how many Boddhidharma does it take to change a light bulb?
Master: Distinctions between lightness and darkness are merely material manifestations of an unenlightened mind.
Student: Oh, for %@#$ sake! Can we just forget I even asked?
Master: Now you are beginning to walk The Path.
Student: No, I’m stumbling on this path! Oh, go to hell!
Master: That, too, is an illusion!
Student: What? Aww…just – just shut up!
Master: You wish to be one with silence?
Student: I wish to stop stubbing my toes on the rocks out here!
Master: Ah! Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
G!
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None.
Worked fine in DEV. That’s OPS problem now.
Or, as I liked to say “It works fine on my machine”.
There are some people who think that changing a lightbulb is a hardware problem, not a software problem, but I think they are mostly Comp Sci students, not actual developers. Because “It works ok on my machine” wasn’t a joke you told about other developers: It’s the actual God-awful truth, which makes it a meta joke: it’s a joke about light bulb jokes.
Just made one up:
How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to do the art work and nine to critique it and point out how they’d do it better.
Ad Agency. Here’s a little backstory to the telling of it where I worked.
My boss was the money dude, and the “Creatives” were, well, the creative dudes (“Suits vs. Beards”).
So the boss hears this joke and he loves it, and tells it to clients when I’m with them, because he thinks it makes “those creative types” sound like prima donnas.
We had to point out to him that it actually reveals why he needs to surround himself with creative people, or the agency’s ads will look like everyone else’s. And that our questioning of underlying assumptions had just won him a bunch of ad awards and some new clients. Sigh…
**How many Art Directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Does it have to be a lightbulb?**
How many fire alarm technicians?
None. The light bulb is being powered by 120vac current. We only work in DC current, 70 volts or less.
Somebody call a high voltage electrician.
how many Episcopalians?
Ten
Four to form a small group to produce a report for the Church Council to complain about the dimness of the light in the hallway.
Four to form a small group to counter that other report with their own claiming that traditionally, that light bulb was fine and needs to be left alone.
One to pour the drinks.
One to call a high voltage electrician because the guy pouring the drinks only works in DC current 70 volts or less…
Don’t know if we have one, so I made this up as I read the thread:
How many Army Logisticians does it take to change a light bulb?
We have no light bulbs in stock, they are back-ordered with an EDD of September 2020, but we do have 42 cases of Spam available now.
Semi-related:
There’s a saying that the best clinical laboratory quality assurance program is two lab techs who hate each other.*
*meaning that one will always be trying to catch the other in a mistake. This can apply to pathologists and other physicians as well.
How many Dopers does it take to change a light bulb?
Many; one to change the bulb, and the others to take it to the Pit and discuss why the light bulb is a troll.