I’m coming up on a year now and I still have no desire to get back out there.
I’m not sure why, I feel like I’m past the break up blues, but I still don’t feel motivated to date again. And at 47, it’s making me a little nervous. As in, I’m never going to find that motivation again.
So, any of you folks go through a (willful) prolong dry spell before getting back out there?
About a minute.
I’m 46 and it’s going on 12 years for me.
Relax. It took me 15 years to get back into a committed relationship again (no joke), but I was traveling a lot for business and while I was meeting lots of people I was focused on raising my daughter and not on dating. If it becomes an issue for you you may want to talk a professional about it.
There’s nothing wrong with being single. You presumably have more time, money, and freedom than you’re normally accustomed to, so make the most of it. You’re free to do what you want, any old time.
Take up the right hobbies, and you’ll likely end up meeting someone nice without even trying.
After a breakup, I follow the advice of Stephen Stills. “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”
For just sex? About 10 minutes. After my marriage I was ready for a relationship right away. Probably I was ready 5 years before that but I wouldn’t leave my kids. After my next long term relationship it took longer. I started looking right away but I probably wasn’t really ready for a year. It’s been 2 years and so far it hasn’t happened.
I think LTD said it best
…every time I turn around, back in love again.
I averaged about five years between serious relationships. I mean, I dated occasionally in the interim, but, “the one” where dating made it past a couple of outings to something committed… Five years.
After my last relationship in 2010, I decided to stop entirely. I realized I make bad decisions regarding relationships, and dropped out entirely. Without trying, ended up in FWB type things with women who were genuinely friends, we were genuinely attracted to each other, and we were genuinely understanding that that there was no way in hell that we’d work as a couple.
That’s been kind of freeing. Instead of fretting over trying to find my true love, I got to enjoy the friendship and company of someone I loved, and who loved me, without that burden of “this HAS to be the one.”
Current FWB, we’ve been friends for longer than any of my “real” loves by several years. It’s nice.
I’ve been with the same person since college so its hard for me to say. And back when I was dating I was pretty much a tramp. But before that my basic recovery time was say an hour or so. There was one time when I got dumped at a party and made nice with a girl at the same party but that was an exceptional circumstance.
After my latest break up, it took me a year to have any inclination towards romance, or even dating. I went through the blues etc., but even after that there was a period of no interest at all. Or, what the OP said. Then, one day, I felt like I have something to give to another person, and want to give it, too, and started dating. Going steady now.
5 or less
Five minutes, five decades or something in between?
Five chicks at the same time.
I’m coming up on 17 years, 9 months, 8 days now and I have absolutely no desire for a relationship of any kind. I’m 56.
I might get a cat later this year, maybe.
Hard to say what it would be now, since I’ve been with the same woman since 1988.
Back when I was single, the answer was: a few months, max.
Actually, this isn’t my recovery time, because I just simply gave up. Relationships are awkward, confusing, painful, and someone is always upset about the whole thing. It’s not worth it IMHO, YMMV.
This isn’t very helpful is it, Grrr!? Sorry about that.
If I am the breaker, no time at all. If I have decided I need to end the relationship, it has already been over in my mind for some time.
If I am the breakee, at least six months if the relationship has gone on for a fair length of time. I tend to overanalyze everything, and until I have exhaustively pondered the reasons things went awry, I wom’t be able to move forward effectively.
Your 40s bring decreased testosterone, but you might also be lacking in thyroid production. Make a dr’s appt and get your blood checked; if you’re feeling dramatically less motivated than you usually would be, it could be an indicator of something major and it’s better to find out sooner than later.
I’ve only been through two. When I did the breaking, immediately. I did feel a little bad that I’d let it go as long as I did. The second took exactly nine months; that’s when I met the woman I married.