So, I’m enjoying my life, not thinking about much, and kind of out of the blue, a wonderful person enters the picture. We had talked a few times, and met in person last Friday. We’ve discussed a lot of things, and yesterday (Monday), she discloses that she ended a nearly 10 year old relationship with someone about 6 weeks prior.
I expressed my concern about not wanting to be the rebound guy, and she assured me that she didn’t believe that would be the case.
I’m handling this with care, but would like to hear how long dopers think it would take an average person to not neccessarily get over the previous relationship, but rather be able to move on.
IMHO, you will be the Rebound Guy. But this is only because I just got out of a long relationship three weeks ago, and I know I’m not over him yet.
The thing is if it was a relationship where things were dwindling down over a long period of time, there’s a possibility that she’s still not comfortable being on her own. It takes a while for a woman to get used to the idea of being by herself, I think.
I watched my best friend fall in love with my brother, and she swore up and down that it was not rebound. After a few weeks, it got to the point where she wouldn’t even speak to him, because she “wasn’t ready for another relationship”. So tread carefully. I know it’s hard to keep your heart on a leash, but it may be worth it in the end.
You need to provide us with more information. Generally speaking though I would say that it takes somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 months to get over LONG term relationships.
Sometimes though the relationship will have been over for years before they end it.
Generally speaking though, it sounds like you are the rebound.
I think it might also depend on who ended the relationship.
If she left the relationship because she no longer loved the man and didn’t want to be with him anymore then she might be well over it and ready to move on. If he dumped her and she still loved him then it will most likely take longer to get over him.
Either way, if you like the girl why not take a chance?
I agree that it should take time to get over the break-up. From my vague understanding, the end came spiralling down and she broke it off after he wouldn’t clean his act up.
I know after a 4 year relationship, it took me over a year to feel comfortable out and about, but I didn’t know what others’ thoughts were.
In a relationship for 10 years . . . Out for 6 weeks . . . hmmmmmn
rubes, this is so disproportionate. I mean, one never knows, but jeez. I would say ideally, for her to be single, and I mean really single, for a year. One reason being because she will have gone through all the holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. You also want to make sure she is really done with him. I know that a year may seem drastic, but I would suggest the same even for a relationship of shorter duration (as you said of yours). Seems she would want the time for a little space and free play and basically to take a breath. She’s not even missing a beat. Truly, everybody is different, but this seems incredibly reboundy. And it has not much to do with you. If you pursue this, being careful isn’t going to help a bit.
Land mine straight ahead. Another a little to the left. And one right behind it. And one at 2:00. (Okay, you get the idea).
I’ve discussed this with her, and apparently the relationship was over many months before, but officially it’s been 7 weeks now. I’ve aired my concerns, so she is aware of them, and says that she has been ready to date for a while. We’ll have to see how this goes, but for right now, puppylove seems to be the word
Good to hear ASD! Things are moving along nicely, and I hope it continues so. I really haven’t felt sparks like this in over a decade. Sure, there’s been girlfriends and dates, but somehow, this is different.
Okay, this may mark me as somewhat clueless, but… exactly what is wrong with being the “rebound guy”? I have a couple of guesses, but I’d like to see what other people say.
At least in my experience, rebounds just don’t end well… I think it’s because the person who’s rebounding just needs someone to be there, and doesn’t necessarily like the person. For example, my friend M. His entire dating strategy (3 of 4 girls) is going for rebounds. His other ‘girlfriend’ was one he got drunk and made out with for a night.
My concern about the rebound guy is just as Speaker for the Dead said. Someone to be there just to be there. One thing I should mention, neither of us were looking to find anyone. We met under peculiar circumstances, and it just clicked. I don’t even have time for a girlfriend, but magically, now I’m reconcidering that premise.
Go for it. What’s it gonna hurt? She’s got to start somewhere and you seem like an intelligent person. So if it doesn’t work out, at least you gave it a shot and if it does, hey, happiness abounds. It takes me about a week to get over a relationship, no matter how long it has lasted. Why? Because I don’t have time to waste or be unhappy. Life is to be lived, not suffered through.
Same here. I have been with my rebound guy for nine years total (six years of dating, three years of marriage), and things couldn’t be better. Of course, in my situation, the previous relationship was over long before I finally walked out, so I think it made a big difference.
Just kidding! El Hubbo and I are about to celebrate 13.