Having heard both warnings against “rebound relationships” and the proverb “the best way to forget an old love is to find a new one”; I was wondering what Doper Experience says. So tell me, anyone out there have any successful “rebound” relationships that far outlasted the relationship they replaced? How soon after your initial break up did you get involved with someone else? How old were you? I’d love some opinions on this topic!
I was engaged to be married in December (many years ago, when I was 24). I broke up with him in October. I met a guy that Thanksgiving weekend (on a blind date set up by friends). We’ve been married for 5+ years, have one child, and are trying for another!
My opinion is that “rebound” relationships work better if the person who is rebounding is the one who broke off the original relationship. You’re much more ready to move on. On the other hand, if you’re the breakee, rebound relationships can be fun and therapeutic, if not necessarily long-lasting.
I dated the same guy through most of college and he broke up with me when I graduated (over ten years ago now). I had a rebound relationship for about 6 weeks with a “mimbo” in Seinfeld terms - by far the most attractive man I dated in my life, but quite deficient in the brains department. It was fun, it cheered me up and I don’t regret it. Two weeks after I broke up with him for standing me up for a wedding, I met the man I married (but am no longer married to…)
I agree with C3 - if you were the one who got dumped, a rebound thing is less likely to last as you still have issues to deal with. I have found that when I am rebounding I have a tendency to over-correct the faults of the person who hurt me, which is usually bad because on the whole the other person was good and by over-correcting, I get new and different faults that are worse than the ones I corrected for. As always, YMMV.
I think it’s simple. If you feel you are ready, you are ready. The rest are rationalizations.
There is no way to tell if a reason for wanting a relationship is a good one or a bad one. “I’m ready to share my wealth with a soulmate” just *sounds * fancier then “it sucks being alone”. Some people just never trust their own motives, and under or over-estimate what they’ve got to give.
With love, the only proof of the pudding is in the eating: if the relationship works, it works. The only one who can decide if you’re ready for a relationship with that particular person are that particular person, and yourself.
Maybe the most realistic thing you can say about starting a relationship when you’re technically on the rebound, is that the more relationships you have, the bigger the chance one of your relationships will turn out right. OTOH, the more relationshipships you have, the more chance ending them will hurt. Somewhere in between lies an optimum.
The biggest problem I’ve seen with rebound relationships is rushing into things too quickly. One of my best friends got involved in a rebound relationship where within two weeks she was convinced that they were in love. He took advantage of this, used her and dumped her within a month. Afterwards she was still in love with the original guy and deeply hurt by the rebound.
I had another friend who got involved in a rebound relationship that ended up lasting two years. It’s all how you go into it. As long as you realize what the outcome can be and prepare yourself for it.