I saw this on HuffPo yesterday, and it seems to go against everything I’ve ever heard/thought I knew about break ups and rebound relationships:
On the one hand, it makes a lot of sense. It’s harder to feel unwanted if you have proof someone wants you. But I still had some quetions:
What about the reboundee?
Self-esteem and confidence are great, but what about self-improvement and reflection?
What do you think?
seems like they’re confusing causation and correlation. I would expect with “higher self-esteem, higher dating confidence, higher confidence in their romantic desirability and were not as hung up on their ex.” to be dating sooner than others.
In other words, they are dating sooner because they are healthier, they are not healthier because they are dating sooner.
A friend of mine was a divorce lawyer and he said that ex-wives were the best sex he ever had. So rebounding does have its benefits…
Everybody is getting over somebody most of the time.
Multi-tasking?
I don’t know. There’s something to be said for ‘fake it till you make it’.
I can see both sides of this argument. My roommate (who I mentioned in a pit, months ago) finally broke up w/ his boyfriend and it wasn’t a month later that he had rebounded.
But here’s the thing - he did so with a guy (his co-worker) who also was on the rebound. The co-worker’s ex had died a few months before, so they kinda found solace in each other. For a while, it was loose, but soon the co-worker wanted more. He was always staying at our place, because he still lived in the same place that he and his ex did, and he couldn’t handle the memories.
They started falling into a routine where they were always together, but the roommate would make it clear that they were strictly friends w/ benefits. They were essentially a couple, just without the official title. Soon after, roommate realized what he was doing and started phasing the guy out, and now they are back to being co-workers, even though roommate has admitted that it is more than a little awkward.
I think everyone’s situation is different, but in this case, I shudder to think how the roommate would have been if he didn’t have that as a “gateway” to singledom. In his case, going cold turkey would have led to a lot of misery and depression.
When my ex and I broke up (after 8 years), I was unhappy and didn’t eat for days. I slept on the couch for a good few weeks and didn’t even think about sleeping around or looking for a partner. I don’t think I could’ve handled it, and I wouldn’t have been a good partner for anyone. It allowed me to look at my life and my choices and make some improvements.
I don’t think there’s a blanket approach.