Being the Rebound guy

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Our story begins a few weeks ago when I began wearing eye liner to the local improv theatre when I volunteered. On that fateful night one young lady took notice and asked me, “Are you wearing eyeliner?” I was slightly distracted and just said, “yeah.” She grinned and said, “That’s so sexy,” then turned and walked off. She’s my age, I know her mother, and at the time she was in a relationship so I thought only briefly of it. I was glad to know she liked the eyeliner but alas she was in this long term relationship.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. It was the anniversary of her older sister’s death, so her mom and her came to the theatre in memory of her sister. They stayed for most of the show and she wasn’t feeling well so she left. Her mom didn’t want to leave so she stayed and gossiped with the volunteers. Particularly though she focused on me.

“My daughter really likes you.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, are you single?”

“Well… yeah.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. She’s not.”

Not exactly the conversation you expect to have with a girl’s mother, and the finale was a bit cold but her mother just has a way of being blunt without really meaning anything by it. So I shook it off and continued on with life. The daughter is cool and I wouldn’t mind getting to know her better but I’m not “that guy” who is going to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Then yesterday I get a message on Myspace from the daughter. It was something to the gist of “Hey, I’d really like to get to know you better. Are you going to be at the theatre tonight? If not, here’s my cell #.” I sent her a reply saying, “I might be there, I have a friend in from out of town so I don’t know the plan.” The truth is that I knew we’d be there, but with my female friend visiting from out of town I wasn’t too keen on trying to split my attention between them both.

As expected my worries were right on and I ended up trying to keep both happy with my attentiveness.

She showed up at the theatre, hugged me hello and the night was spent with flirting and short exchanges of information. You know, reading the resume. Music, books, interests. Turns out she’s a major geek too and so that is a definite bonus. So as the night goes on, I’m digging her more and more.

Come tonight I find out she was asking a mutual friend about me last night. Also I discover that she’s indeed single now, by a whole twenty four hours. She’s coming off this multi-month (living together) relationship and in less than a day she’s already looking for the rebound.

This is unusual for me, I’ve never been that guy. That sort of attention surprises me and I’m not sure how I feel about getting into anything with her so soon after her last guy.

Now, IANAPsychologist but it seems like it is a sign of a pyschological need for stability, and from what I know of her life it makes sense, but that sort of thing does not bode well for a relationship with me since I tend to be a hot/cold kind of guy. I’m not steady. I’m either very available to hang out, or not at all.

In any case, it’s an interesting drama unfolding in my life. I haven’t decided what to do, and it takes some adjusting to see how I feel about being the rebound guy.

~ RCP

2

As long as you understand the situation going in, what’s the problem? Hit it while you can, but don’t get too wrapped up in something you know will end before too long.

3

My church is gonna expell me for this, but I’m thinking if the daughter doesn’t work out, I’d surely make a play for Mom. Less baggage, ya know?

4

Don’t get your hopes wrapped up in being ‘rebound guy’, but don’t let it affect getting into a relationship. Unless she has an awful lot of baggage to be disposed of.

Sometimes, rebound guys end up as more than rebound guys. I’m still going strong with my rebound guy. The guy I went for after I had been single - <i>for a whole twenty-four hours</i>.

5

There’s rebounds and then there’s rebounds. It doesn’t sound like she’s rebounding from much.

No depression, no "Period of Mourning’, none of that. She was interested in you before she moved away from the other guy. These things indicate that she’s been mentally over the old relationship for quite a while. It just took her some time to get moved out.

Yeah, as suggested above, hit it while you can. She ain’t reboundin’ from much right now, if she ever was.

6

In the immortal words of what’s-their-name:

Hold on loosely
But don’t let go
If you cling too tightly
You’re gonna lose control

Or just use this one:
Let’s get drunk and screw.

7

You snooze, you lose. Rebound sex is hot. Go for it.

8

FYI, turns out I’m not the rebound guy. She broke up with her ex to chase me…

9

Now doesn’t that make you feel f*ckin awesome? I know that’s what it’d do to me.

10

In that case, she’ll probably be dumping you when the next guy catches her eye. Hit it while you can, but don’t get involved.

11

You were wearing eyeliner?

12

Yep. Check out this thread: link

13

Dude, that information was present in the OP. Duh.

I wouldn’t worry too much about flightiness or whatnot, as has been suggested. Yeah, it’s a possibility – but on the other hand, maybe her ex just wasn’t all that. That certainly seems likely, if mummy went out of her way to get your attention.

Anyway, you’re young. It’s not like you have to approach it like an engagement.

Tuck in, it’s all to the good.

14

I married my rebound guy, three years and still going strong. Don’t be to quick to put things into categories, let it play out and see what happens.

15

Ok, there do seem to be a couple of red flags here. She’s living with some boyfriend and then all of a sudden switches geers and wants to start dating some guy wearing eyeliner? The mom sounds kind of wacky too.

What do you mean by “she’s a geek”? Guys (specifically over- or underweight unattractive guys with no sense of style, few social skills and an obsession for the minutia of a particular element of pop culture) are geeks. Girls are either attractive to some degree or they aren’t. They can’t be “geeks” in the sense that a guy is a geek because our culture does not judge them on their interests or achievements. Tech Tv’s Morgan Webb is not a “she geek”. She’s a freakin hot chick who incidently likes computers and videogames. I’m sure her boyfriend isn’t some fat schlubb.

I mention this because I think it’s important for any self-proclaimed “geek” to understand something - a relationship with a girl who shares the same geeky interests as you is not necessarily a relationship of equals. Her head might find the sharing of similar interests fullfilling, but unless she is fullfilled in other ways, she won’t stick around.

And this is the problem with attractive “geeky girls”. They are trying to find a balance between being with geeky guys who they share similar interests with and getting with your typical studly guys who they don’t necessarily feel comfortable with.

So maybe this girl thinks you’re the studd and her ex was the geeky loser. Or maybe he’s the studd who she finds dull as shit and likes you because you share the same interests.

I guess my advice is go ahead and rock her shit, but be advised that she might be a bit flakey.

16

I will give you the same advice I gave my friend when he asked me if he should maryy hos girlfriend to get more sex…

If it doesn’t work out you can always dump her later.

17

Gonna have to respectfully disagree with you. ‘Geek’ is defined by someone with a particular talent or interest in an area and extensive knowledge of such area (like computers) and have a sense of style and decent social skills. Nerds lack style and social skill. I am a geek, I proudly admit that I am a geek, and I am also a girl. I think the implication that I’m defined first by my looks and secondly by my ‘incidental’ interest in computers (which btw, is far more than incidental, as I’m a computer engineer and systems administrator) is ridiculous.

Exactly why I go for geek men and not nerds. I basically want the male version of me.

18

Me too.

Actually, I shall do so bellicosely.