Sharks ain’t got thumbs.
So basically, you really hate boll weevils – but that level of torture seems a little harsh. What have they ever done to you?
People who park on the street, (a busy downtown street, illegally), when there is a drive way provided, they are just to lazy to pull in, and then pull out again, cause they only intend to be a moment.
They are never just a moment, there is a reason for the no parking sign, it snarls traffic. And there’s a damn driveway, provided for your use, and available, right there!
I would like a plow, just push them into the driveway they should have parked in. Couriers, Fedex, UPS, are the worst. Just use the damn drive way and get out of the street.
Armored. Reinforced. Fenders. For the people doing 45-50 MPH in the left lane of a (posted 55, actual 80) incredibly busy highway creating two mile backups. Generally carpooling, six or more in a car of dubious vintage and legality.
No, better. Ram-deployable rocket boosters. Wham. Bam. See you later, ma’am.
People who don’t turn on their headlights when it’s foggy, raining, getting dark etc. Seriously, 90% of the drivers have their lights! That’s a clue!
I’d remote control their cars so they pull over, scraping the side of whatever is there. And then they can’t start their car until they realize that they need to turn on their frikking lights
Also people who don’t turn off their turn signals.
When I find the right cape on Ebay, I plan to go into the legal offices and take away all of their staplers, post it notes and any high lighters that are not yellow. No more pink or purple. Black pens only, the blue ink on blue post its will stop right away.
(I’m scanning files for filming, the colored high lighters just turn black)
Oh, and I’ll drive a super cool tank to work. With flamethrowers. USE YOUR FLIPPING TURN SIGNALS GOSHDARNIT!!!
My sharks do. You can’t seriously believe I wouldn’t have thought of that already did you? That’s why you’ll get shot first
Eh…most of my rampage plans involve 400 million to 1 billion people dead, on at least two continents.
Except for Operation Balder, which is only a couple of million dead; Operation Balder II, which has the population in (and downwind of) northern Pakistan having their sexual orientation chemically reversed, and Operation Tyke II, which has between 600,000 and seven million humans being fed to the dreaded Scorpion Men. (The latter would likely require the creation of a race of Scorpion Men, unfortunately.)
Panhandlers on the side of the road. I’ll make it legal to do such activities, just as I’ll make it legal to shoot them with paintball guns from moving vehicles. If they’re gonna stand there and do nothing they may as well work for their money and entertain the commuters.
God, you guys. Monologuing? Really?
I can have the Godforsaken Genetic Abominations Department work up a proposal for you; they just need to know how big and lethal you want the Scorpion Men to be, how many you need, and what date you need them by.
If you have a problem with that, do something about it while trapped in my unnecessarily slow-moving death device that I will leave you alone in while I exit the room and just assume it worked.
My plan is quite simple, really. Elegant in its execution. Mankind has a disease. That disease is paisley. Even now, my minions are hard at work implanting sophisicated chemicals into the inks and dyes of fabric makers around the globe. At precisely 10:48 pm GMT next Thursday, the chemicals will begin reacting with the noxious paisley patterns, causing them all to burst into glorious flames of veangeance. And at long last the world will be rid of that pox on its style. Sadly, those people foolish enough to be wearing paisley-patterned clothing will suffer the ultimate penalty for their insolence. But the world – *my *world – will be better for it. My triumph will be complete. Mwah-ha. Mwah-ha-ha! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!
And when the Scorpion Men rebel? As they will, you know - and God knows they’ll have good reason. I don’t care if they’re soulless, slavering monstrosities - I wouldn’t inflict proximity to a Prop 8 supporter on any vertebrate.
But- but- but I LIKE paisley. Can’t you destroy the people who wear brightly-colored camouflage pattern instead?
My legions of minions (I’m up to 5 right now. The recruiting is a bit slow.) will hijack the car of anyone seen throwing a cigarette butt out of the window. Said car will then have a lit cigarette thrown into their fuel tank. BOOM! If you are going to litter, litter BIG!
After that, anyone caught throwing butts on the ground, any place other than their own property, will be forced to eat cigarette butts until they reform.
Other forms of littering will be dealt with after these little problems are fixed.
He can’t find them, Silly. :rolleyes:
If only that were true.
My nemesis has foolishly revealed herself. Excellent. Several minions will be dispatched immediately to do away with her in diabolical fashion…
She’s wearing camouflage. You are Foiled Again, Dread Pirate Jimbo!
