When a beggar shows up on the front steps

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Sometimes I think I did the right thing. Sometimes I think I took a moral test and failed.

Six months ago Mr. MercyStreet and I bought a big ol’ house in Trenton, NJ, a city that isn’t particularly well-noted for low crime and high SAT scores. Our neighborhood is lovely, although it’s a typical re-gentrifying area whose outskirts are downright scary.

Soon after our arrival, the Parade of the Disenfranchised began. One man, then another, then another all turned up on the stoop. Did we want our lawn raked? Did we want our snow shoveled? Did we want to give to the local AIDS shelter – and why not, considering the folks next door give every year, and the director doesn’t take checks, just spare change. I’m never rude. But always firm. No, sir, I have nothing for you. But thank you for stopping by and asking.

Two weekends ago I went outside to fetch the paper. A woman was strolling down the street. We waved at one another. I thought she was a neighbor I hadn’t yet met. Then she called, “Excuse me! I have a question!” And here I am in my jammies. Oh, well, it’s just us girls on a Saturday morning. She approached. She lived around the corner, she said, and needed to feed her four children some breakfast. Ordinarily she turned to the church up the block, but no one appeared inside this time. Did I know a neighbor with two kids, a neighbor who had helped her out before? Could I help her?

I apologized and said I had no money in the house. Said I didn’t know whom she was seeking. So long, good luck. I regretted it all by the time I returned to my snug bed, the one with the pricey linens and the excessively fluffy down comforter.

Did I not have a loaf of bread to spare? A stick of butter and some jam and a fresh half-gallon of orange juice? Some tea, sugar, and half-and-half? Of course. That would have fed her children. … Ahem. … But maybe there were no children. Maybe she was casing the neighborhood. Maybe she was just looking for a few bucks to feed a drug habit.

And maybe I kicked the meek.

2

Not much I can say to resolve your dilemma, but can you contact the church and inquire as to their aid policies and programs? Maybe they would know the woman if you described her.

If you still feel badly you could make a donation, in money or food goods, to that church. Or if you prefer a non-religious agency there probably are some that need help.

I have very rarely been approached by folks asking for help or spare change. But one time in the grocery store parking lot a scruffy looking guy approached, and in a hang dog fashion asked “for help for him and his kids, they are hungry and the car is on the blink” and so on. He looked sad(could be a put on) but said “Please, if there’s any Christian love in your heart” and something inside me clicked. I am Christian, and although I think it was likely it was a scam I reached in my purse and got out the $10 I had and gave it to him. He thanked me and we parted.

Was I a sucker? I don’t know. All I know is that if it was true maybe some kids had a better time, and I’d rather be safe than sorry. Once, when I was overseas in the Army, my unit had a picnic. We had fried chicken, ribs, all the trimmings, pop, beer, and so on. Just off the park area where we were eating I saw a knot of people standing and watching us. Someone else was saying they were locals, waiting until we were done and had left, to see if any food was left, and to scavenge the cans and so on. Now, I’m not easy to put off my feed, but I was. I looked at all we had and didn’t finish my own meal. But, I didn’t go over and offer to help, and I’ve wondered why.

Sorry to go on like this.

3

One good way to help you with a dilema like this is when they are giving you a sob story about no food for them or their family is to give them some food. In your case, you could have offered them a loaf of bread, peanut butter and jelly. If they really are in need, then they will take it and you have been a helpful person. If they don’t take it and insist on cash, then it could be that they are trying to scam you.

4

Tell the woman McDonald’s is hiring.

Sorry, but it is not your job to feed people who are running scams.

5

I’d really like to second this. There have been a few times when I’ve offered food to people asking for money, only to get a long, rambling story about why they can’t take food, why they need money for a very specific food item that I don’t have, why they just really need five dollars.

But then if they do take the food, you can feel good.

Don’t beat yourself up over not offering food, though, MercyStreet. It sounds like you’re being inindated by people who are mostly scammers. In my neighborhood I just say no to everyone because even a woman with a child in her arms has ripped me off (claiming she needed money for a cab downtown because the bus wouldn’t get her to the shelter on time, then getting on the same bus as me a block after me).

Be careful about people who come to your door, though. I would recommend not helping people who are at your door because they will keep coming back. It sounds kind of heartless (especially if you think it’s genuine need), but don’t do it. I made the mistake of helping someone who knocked on my door in the middle of a sub-zero winter evening, and he came back once a week for about a month. It was really scary.

Good luck,
ZJ

6

Mercy Street, I had a similar experience at 7:30 p.m. last Monday. A man knocked on my door and said he was a client of the mental health agency down the street. He had been “sent out” to do some work for the custodian at the parish hall that serves St. Mary’s Cathedral, the Catholic house of worship just down the street. He gave me a rambling story about how the custodian hadn’t signed a voucher that would prove he had done the assigned task and was thus entitled to an evening meal from the shelter. Thus, he wanted to know if I could give him something to eat.

I suggested he go to the police station (“Nope, I just got out of jail and I don’t want to deal with the cops”) or the Lafayette Urban Ministry, which is about a 15-minute walk from here and feeds the homeless (“Hey, if you didn’t want to help me, why didn’t you just tell me so right away?”). I explained that I was trying to help him by suggesting agencies that were equipped to aid the needy. Of course, I did suspect a scam of some sort, and I’ve also been told that “those kind of people are like stray cats – if you feed 'em once, they’ll keep coming around.”

I called the mental health agency the next day, and the woman who took my call said that she didn’t think her employer had sent anyone to work at the parish hall. She asked if I had gotten his name, and I replied that I hadn’t. Her response was: “Well, if he comes back, try to get his name, and let us know. If he gives you a hard time, call the police.” He hasn’t been back, so I assume he was either a transient who’s moved on or a truly mentally ill man who indeed “fell through the cracks” for one night and is now getting at least some of the help he needs.

I’d say you handled the situation correctly.

7

What everyone else said. You coulda offered food, but you didn’t. It’s hard to think on your feet in a situation like that sometimes! Don’t beat yourself up over it.

Next time, offer food (bring pie). If they want cash, then ya know.

8

[slight hijack] We deliver organic eggs to our clients in Austin and my SO normally has at least 19 dozen in coolers in the back of our pickup. Sometimes we fail to sell out and it was on one of those days that he stopped at an intersection with a homeless man holding a sign that said “Hungry-Need Food!”.
The man always has a little black dog with him tied to his backpack.
Mr. JLZ called him over to the truck and asked if he had anyway to cook up a bunch of eggs.
“Hell yes, I’ve got a camp in the woods with a fire” replies Mr. Homeless.
(I should mention that the weather has been cool and fresh eggs will last for up to 3 months unless they get hot).
Mr. JLZ handed him 3 dozen with strict instructions to cook up a few for the dog and sped off.
I like to think that somewhere in Austin last week, a man and his dogs were snarfing down good pastured eggs for breakfast.[/hijack over]