When Beavers Attack

Up next on Fox: Attack of the Killer Beavers!

[Jeff Foxworthy] You might be a redneck if you’ve ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver. [/JF]

Sweden – isn’t that near Russia?
Where a crocodile just fell from the sky?

Beavers…Crocodiles — the new Russian secret weapons!

I, for one, welcome our new Beaver over-lords…

Death by Crocodile…death by Beaver. Hmmm. I’ll take Death by Beaver with a side of ‘silly smile on my face’…

My sister once bit a beaver.

Really. And have you?

This is going nowhere good.


Hah! My hatred for beavers, those bastardly rodents, is vindicated!

No, seriously, I hate beavers. I was chased along a riverbank by one once, and if you’ve ever been chased by a 40 pound rodent, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Jeeze, even when I’m being serious, it sounds surreal. Alrighty-then.

Was the beaver trying to carve its initials on her?

What I hated about the story was that officials decided to kill all the beavers in the area so people could continue to swim in the river.

You know, if it’s a choice between swimming in a municipal pool or swimming in a river that’s been de-beavered, I’ll go for the pool every time. Don’t go killing beavers on my behalf.

From Rodent Mutation by Bron Fane