When I was in 1st grade, my mom got pregnant. Being a bookworm, I didn’t go ask mom and dad my questions about pregnancy; I went and devoured the relevant sections of the school library. Of course the sections on sex ed were directly relevant and were read attentively. For some reason, I never had the grossed-out reaction so many describe re: “My parents did that?”
The funny part (now part of family lore) came when my parents were talking to my aunt and uncle on the telephone to let them know re: pregnancy. My aunt asked to speak to me and asked me some kind question about was I excited or nervous about my becoming an elder sister shortly. I said no, I understood how it was all coming to pass and explained everything I had gathered from my reading to my bemused aunt in mispronounced but otherwise correct medical /scientific language (for example, Ï pronounced uterus as “utter-us”). My parents were simultaneous proud and mortified, as this six-year old was “lecturing” a practising anaesthesiologist about sex ed and reproduction.
Incidentally, for gay guys (and I’m guessing lesbians too) there are actually two answers to this question: “when did you learn about the birds and the bees?” and “when did you learn about the birds and the birds?” The gays I’ve known (anecdotal I know) usually learned the mechanics of gay sex much later, usually after they came out and often in a sort of “trial and error” when they became sexually active. (I actually credit the promiscuity of many gay males in large part to this, and in part to the “going hogwild once you’ve realized what you are”, and the other 50% to male libidos.)
Well, us straight(ish) folk, too. I do remember having a talk with my mom about “swishy” men. I must have been about 9 or 10 the first time. First, she started with the “ofcoursethere’snothingwrongwiththat” and then said that when she was in school, NO ONE talked about it, because no one knew it was possible, but there were a few guys who “weren’t right” nonetheless, and looking back on it, she could tell they were “a little light in the loafers”. Once I dug my way through her euphamisms, I figured out that gay men were men who loved other men, but I don’t think I thought much about the physical acts they might enjoy together. I know for years I thought they were limited to blow jobs and hand jobs - anal sex didn’t occur to me until later. (I think my brother’s Penthouse might have been involved in that realization.)
My kids, by the way, have been raised with me saying things like, “So one day, when you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, I’ll have this naked baby picture to embarrass you with! Mwah-hah-hah!” I’m an equal opportunity terrorist.
Well, I knew about the doggies and the bitches from an early age, as well as about the stallions and the mares (there used to be a military depot with stallions in my home town), the donkeys and she-donkeys, the… you get the picture… since a pretty early age. I also knew by age 5 that promised babies don’t always make it out in a single, hale piece. I do know I actively avoided thinking about the actual details of how it got done in our species until pretty much the time I got my period, though.
In 5th grade we got a megacomprehensive sex-ed class which included such things as the advantages and disadvantages of different anti-baby methods. Some parents were outraged, sadly, including mine…
I don’t know when it was, but I was given a book appropriate for my tender age. It was unabashedly graphic and descriptive except for one critical part. “When the mother and father love each other very much and decide to have a baby, the man lies down next to the woman. The sperm travels from the man to the woman and fertilizes the egg. Nine months later…”
WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! Didn’t you leave something out? I puzzled over that inadequate passage for years, since I had very little opportunity to learn from other sources, good or bad. Just HOW does the sperm do that? Is there a button to press? Do you need music? A special tool? A special diet?
My dad, who was a mechanic, had boxes and boxes of porn (Hustler Humor, Hustler, Playboy, Penthouse, etc etc) so I was probably one step ahead of most kids my age (I was 6) on knowing what parts of the body were for and how they fit in various places. I also knew this is stuff that older people do - not kids with undeveloped parts.
However, when I was 8, one of my mom’s friends was pregnant and her belly was round - like she swallowed a melon. The woman’s son (10) and daughter (8) proceeded to explain to me about the birds and the bees. I didnt believe them so I told my mom. My mom confirmed they were correct and I was pissed because I believed that babies came from the cabbage patch (this is around the time the dolls started to become popular) and I cried, screaming at my mom that she was wrong (after all, the semen is sprayed on the face or some other part of the outside body).
