He got me thinking. I recall decades ago before women were enlisted in the military that we refered to these people as men. Why? It seemed to me that we were bestowing an honour to boys, and let me tell you that many were really boys (I’m 58), in recognition of the awesome important and dangerous position they were in defending the nation.
Today we do the same for the girls in the military. I can’t see us ever calling members of the military “people”.
As a result of these thoughts, it occurs to me that the issue of when a boy really becomes a man gets very little attention these days, and I sort of wonder if this is a worthy question at all, but I’ll ask anyway.
When does a boy become a man ?
IMHO it is when he becomes able and willing to concern himself with the well being of others.
I will have trouble thinking of myself as a man until I have a job that pays all of my bills (and I’m paying my bills) and I’m living on my own. Even then, I’ll probably resist it.
As to the convention with regards to the language about the military, I think it’s just that the phrase, “men and women,” connotes a certain solemnity, maturity and even machismo that “people” or “folks” does not.
A person is an adult when he recognizes (and acts in accordance with) the notion that he is principally responsible for his own actions and well-being, and that he is responsible for meeting commitments that others reasonably expect of him.
Such a person considers the effects of his actions beforehand, and if something bad may occur he either (1) abstains, or (2) deals with the outcome, accepting responsibility by fixing it as best he can. Any non-remote outcome that he won’t be equipped to fix if it goes wrong, well, that means an adult doesn’t take the chance. Even if it would be really, really fun to do so. Because that’s how men behave.
He doesn’t expect anyone else to solve his own problems, in the infantile way many in our society seem to–in the absence of some catastrophic setback or disability, it’s nobody else’s problem to take care of him, unless that responsibility is willingly assumed (in the way that family members care for one another). If you are able to care for yourself, you do, and you mistrust anyone who suggests that it’s somebody else’s role (e.g., the government’s).
And he assigns the utmost importance to his responsibilities to the people who count on him; letting somebody down who had a reasonable expectation for his support is a big deal to a man.
Many, many people never reach this stage, regardless of age.
A boy becomes a man when he takes financial responsibility for his own maintenance, and/or in addition to taking ethical responsibility for his own actions. Not coincidentally, this is also when a girl becomes a woman.
Some people anticipate and embrace this state of being. Some people arrive at it kicking and screaming when they run out of other options. Some people never get there.
This is nonsense. By this standard, every 14 year old who will just die is s/he doesn’t get asked to the dance by the correct crush, or can’t make it through dinner without texting their BFF, is an adult.
Sadly, it’s only a matter of time before someone comes in here and starts bitching about how we’re dissing all the thirteen-year-olds in yarmulkes – and by extension an entire race – by not acknowledging that they are men.
Certainly self-sufficiency is a sufficient criterion, but is it a necessary one? Consider a single-income couple, for instance: The non-employed spouse isn’t exactly self-sufficient, and might never have been, but I don’t think I would have trouble calling that person an adult, in general.
