When Doper relationships go bad

So, in the midst of my little fiasco last week, I mentioned in a thread that I knew there were certain dopers that didn’t like me. (a bunch of people then jumped in to assure me they weren’t one) :slight_smile: That was nice, but honestly, the people who don’t like me, don’t talk to me, and in fact assure me off board that they don’t like me, and ignore me when I post to their threads or try to make ammends.

I guess what I wanted to get a feel for (WITHOUT NAMING NAMES) is what your reaction is to KNOWING that someone on the boards doesn’t like you.

Do you avoid them? Is it possible to do so? Do you fan the flames? Apologize? Not care?

It seems so interesting that in a community like this, so many different relationship dynamics can come into play.

Well, as hard as this is to belive, jarbaby, I’ve learned that a person or two is, at the least, irritated by me and my antics on here. Part of me doesn’t care, in that whole I’m-not-trying-to-impress-anyone-here-and-if-you-don’t-like-me-kiss-my-ass kind of way. To those people who don’t like me, I suggest they either tell me in the Pit why, or they don’t read or post to anything I write. But another part of me wants to know why certain people don’t like me. It’s an odd mixture with me. I normally don’t care whether or not someone hates me, but I’d like to understand their rationale, to see if I can agree with it. Does that make sense? :slight_smile:

In the grand scheme of things, it’s just a message board. I can handle knowing that people do not like me, although I only know of one. It doesn’t bother at all, because I know that for every person that dislikes me there are a hundred that do like me.

And jarbabyj, I love you. Just so’s ya know. Now, can I borrow that blue sweater?

Everyone’s got people that they generally don’t care for, but considering how many people post here on a regular basis, it’s fairly easiy to avoid their threads, or merely not respond to their posts within a thread.

“Do you fan the flames? Apologize? Not care?”

If someone doesn’t like me, I’m unaware of it, and I think it should stay that way. It’s not like there’s anything I could really do about their opinion, excluding the possibility I did/said something terribly asinine. I’d apoligize where necessary, but I think personal squabbles should be kept off the boards.

Ultimately, I wouldn’t care, 'cause making a big deal of it on the board only pisses off the Mods.

[begin Gilmore Girls]
No way, you’ll get it all stretched out. Your boobs are way huger than mine.
[end GG]

I honestly couldn’t give a damn if people don’t like me. Don’t much care IRL and feel little need to care. There are certainly people here that I don’t care for.

The only action I could imagine taking against them is hoping they don’t come to my parties.

I don’t usually get into head-butting matches - face it: I’m nice. :stuck_out_tongue:

But over the past year or so, there have been a few misunderstandings and I’ve taken them to e-mail. Only one stayed bitter. Whatever. If someone thinks I’m a jerk, such is life. People in my day-to-day dealings have accused me of worse on occasion. Note the pain in my eyes…

I’d post to this thread, but I don’t like jarbabyj.

DAMN! I already hit the REPLY button, I may as well continue. I have seen and experienced some pissed off folks (pissed at someone else) within these here walls, but more often than not they seem to make up, kissing may or may not be involved. I have hacked off a few myself, and the on- and off-board flirting may come to an abrupt end (I seem to only piss off women, duh), there doesn’t seem to be too much avoidance that I have noticed. Any issues from over three months ago have gone away and things have returned to normal, so I must begin to work on my ability to REALLY piss people off, I’m not doing a very good job at it.

[sub]jarbabyj**, you know I love you![/sub]

I don’t think I’ve garnered any particular ill-will from anybody here so far… (if by well-wisher you mean someone who means you no specific harm…)

I’ve got such a bad memory for “who said what” sorts of things that even if I did get mad at someone, odds are that in less than 3 days I’d forget there was ever a conflict to begin with.

On the boards I tend to remember the funny and nice stuff, and forget all the icky stuff.

I’ve managed to piss off a few people inadvertently, which I regret as I am a pretty easy going guy who is not out to hurt anyone. I basically try to make amends and if that doesn’t work I just go about my (online) life as best I can. I don’t go out of my way to interact with people who are mad at me, but I also don’t shun them.

So to anyone who I have ever offended, mea culpa.

I think what Superdude said also sums up my outlook pretty well. Just like anywhere in life, there are people who like me and people who don’t. If someone reacts negatively to something I’ve said, first I look at that statement to see whether that person may have a good reason to call it out (reference: a statement I made in the much-lamented Oprah pit thread) and if they’re right, then I’ll apologize and not try to do the same thing again. ('Cuz sometimes, in the moment, it’s hard to tell whether I’m being a butthead or not. :)) However, if I stand by what I said, then they’re just gonna have to live with their disapproval.

And if I’m mad at someone, I’m usually pretty good about talking to them directly about it to see if we can come to a resolution, rather than avoid them or make sniping comments.

I am sufficiently well-bred that I trust the small handful of Dopers who am I appalled by and heartily detest are unaware of this fact. One of the beauties of the Internet is that they can’t actually see me glaring through my lorgnette and them and avoiding their threads and posts.

Those posters who dislike me because they have nothing between their ears (note the restrictive clause!) I feel free to have a little fun with. Poke! Poke! Poke! Hoo hoo!

As for the urbane and intelligent posters I’ve managed to piss off - well, I just don’t pay attention, really. I just continue on in the normal fashion. Usually it just doesn’t come up after the original heated incident, I find.

I would be suprised that someone noticed me enough to give a damn one way or the other. Then I would wonder what the heck I had done to incur their wrath. If I was in the wrong, I would try to make amends. If not I’d say: “Screw them. I don’t need any new friends.” But in a polite Eve-like way.

The Dopers whom I’ve ticked off just seem to ignore me and leave me alone, so it’s a non-issue.

They’re bigger people than me–when someone irritates me, I tend to go read all their threads and find petty, contrary things to say (although nine out of ten times I find the restraint to not actually post those)

jarbaby, considering all messages posted here except yours are generated by the SDMB Master Computer to simulate an interactive environment for your enjoyment, your question is moot.

The Master Computer loves you, jarbaby.

:: POP! ::


Security fault #541

  • Reboot from backup
  • eliminate subject jarbabyj


Someone here doesn’t like me?

What did I do?!? I try so hard to be completely innocuous and not offend anybody and now you tell me that someone here doesn’t like me? Who is it? Oh, come on, you’ve GOT to tell me! Please… I’ll just go crazy if you can’t tell me who here doesn’t like me. I can’t stand it when someone doesn’t like me. I’ll do anything! Please tell me who it is! Bawww-waahhhh!

Wait. Maybe I can figger it out on my own… It’s Coldfire isn’t it? I’ve been feeling for months like I’ve been [sub]this far away[/sub] from being banned, and I’m sure it’s because I was never able to send him that cake for his trip stateside, but I ran out of flour that night and my car broke down on the way to the store. I tried to walk it, but I haven’t been able to buy the new sneakers I needed so I wound up with a blister and had to hitchhike home. Oh, why didn’t you tell me about this sooner? I might have been able to make amends of some kind, but now it’s too late… He hates me and I’ll never be able to fix that. waaah!

If someone didn’t (doesn’t) like me… Hmm…

Eh? So what? I post where I will, and could care less. I try not to be jerk, I expect the same of them, and the rest doesn’t matter.

Most of the people who don’t like me end up getting banned or “voluntarily” abandon the boards. Not a warning, just an observation …

Well, I haven’t noticed yet that anyone here particularly likes me, but then I’m new, haven’t been to any Dopefests, etc. so I’ll just shut up now and stop rambling…

I haven’t met anyone here I DIDN’T like, but then I’ve never met anyone…

Shutting up now…

jarbabyj, you are one of my personal favorites!