When have you had too much on your plate?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I finally returned some overdue items to the library today. And afterwards, the librarian gave me a Look. I knew that look. It was the same one that certain teachers once gave me in high school while thinking: What happened? You used to be such a good student.

I admit that between a rather stressful and time-consuming job, various health issues, filial obligations, relationship gaffs, apartment hunting and all its causal woes, the swift packing of all my possessions, scheduling conflicts between all of the above, and the looming possibility of not having a home next week, certain things like overdue library books (which I never would have stood for six months ago) have now fallen to the wayside.*

Now, I’m very aware that my life isn’t nearly as stressful as it could be. There are many many people with noses closer to the idiomatic grindstone than mine. But I am, without a doubt, very stressed out. I try to take it one day at a time, but add a sudden onslaught of giant two-inch roaches and house centipedes to the mix and I end up in tears some nights because my nerves are just that shot.

So, as someone who has technically been an adult for a while but still doesn’t feel like one, my question to you, O world-wise Dopers, is this:

Is it reasonable to feel overwhelmed at times like this? Or do I just have that much to learn still about managing life? What amount of stress does it take to make you feel like you’ve got too much to handle?

*Apologies to the unknown person who has had to wait a ridiculously long time for his/her China Mieville. It was your hold that prevented me from renewing and therefore racked up more fines for me (you ass), but I’m the (even more assholic) person who only just got around to returning it. So let’s call it even.

(Apologies also in advance to the Moderators. I’m not sure where this thread should go, as I’m soliciting opinions, but the solicitation is accompanied by some MPS being shared. Please move as you judge fit.)

2

Perfectly normal, and in fact, if you weren’t feeling overwhelmed I’d be more worried about you. And I was going to say to chill out about the overdue book (I have finally learned to view it as a donation to the library fund and in general a good thing) until I saw that someone else was waiting for the book. I wanted to renew the macaron cookbook I have out, but someone else wants it, so those two extra days I’ve needed to keep it have stretched into two weeks. I will probably pay more in fines than it would cost to buy it. I feel horribly guilty, but every single morning as I race out the door to stop at the nursing home and give Mom the paper before running to work for a ten-hour shift, then racing back home, shopping for food on the way and trying to get the house ready for 6 houseguests coming in three days…I forget the damned book. if they had let me renew it, it would have been returned by now. Sigh.

Don’t feel bad about being overwhelmed. It happens to all of us.

3

About a year ago, I found out that my mom was sick. I traveled cross-country to look after her; surgery, radiation, hospice, nursing home. She passed away in July. Since then I had to arrange the cremation and memorial, go back east for a week to move all my stuff into storage, then start dealing with the estate. Mom had a dozen different retirement accounts in a dozen different places, with a dozen different rules on how to start claiming and distributing them, plus appraising jewelry, coins, and things like that. There were a couple investment certificates in her safe deposit box I’m still not sure what to do with. But I’m nearly done. Then I’ll be back to Boston, start looking for an apartment and then get my stuff delivered.

I am not trying to one-up the OP. A lot of the things I’m dealing with right now are good problems to have. My share of the estate will be enough for a healthy down payment on a house, or I could go back to school and change careers.

I wish I could tell you how to get through it. I think you just do, and learn not to get overwhelmed by things like library books.

4

I feel for you. I have ADHD (among other things), so anything I forget is potentially a personal failing - and if I want to be a conscientious soul in the real world, I feel obligated to give myself guilt about each little slipup.

I would say it IS reasonable to be overwhelmed, but I would warn you to be on the lookout for the personal-responsibility boogie men of the world, who can feel very righteous putting you in your place. Don’t let them live rent-free in your head - I’ve had them in there so long, I don’t know what life would be like without them.

5

I have been over whelmed. It’s distressful, I was caregiving for 6 long years, in my home, someone totally bedridden, someone whom I loved dearly. I teetered on ‘overwhelmed’ a long time. My friends could see it. Like you, I could see it in people’s faces.

Sometimes, I learned, you have to be like a person standing in the ocean’s surf. Be flexible, let some of it wash over you and then, away. Relax into it, cause it’s all there is. The only way through, is through, so just keep going forward in baby steps. It all sounds so trite as I type it. But there were times when these words were profound and helpful to me.

I feel for you, I know that feeling all too well. Just breathe, deeply with an empty head, 10 times in a row. And remember, baby steps.

Good Luck, you’ll be in my thoughts!

6

You returned your books directly to the librarian? As a professional late fee accruer, I’m much too chicken for that. Drop em in the drop box. In the middle of the night. And pay the fines on the internet!

7

Moving house can be pretty stressful. Last time I moved I dumped everything into huge bin bags. I just couldn’t cope with sorting through what to keep and what to dump. Once I was in the new place I went through the bags at my own pace. I just didn’t have the head space to pack up neatly and move.

8

I hate it when you all post in tiny print. I have trouble seeing and I have to strain to read your words, which I do because they’re usually pretty good.
Receiving a librarian’s Look of Disdain is a medal of honor. You are reading, learning…and they’re not. I’ve talked to some librarians (my fantastical job to have) and they’re like workers in a chocolate factory; they don’t want anymore. So their last resort for respect is the Withering Look. What are they going to do? Fire you?
You’ve had a lot on your plate, which you’re probably still dealing with. The fact that you’re posting on the Dope instead of heading to a crack house says a lot for you. You’ve got some tools to work with.
The scary thing is that when I was about twelve (I’m a senior citizen now) I was worried because I didn’t know all I needed to know to make it the grown-up world. I hoped that when I grew up it would just come to me.
Nope. It doesn’t work that way. There are no glitter moments. Whatever you have as a child is what you’re going to have to work with as an adult. But you learn what you don’t know, along the way, which is what you’re doing now. You seem to have enought self-esteem and sense of survival to stand back and assess and move forward. You’re on the right path.

9

[Hijack]What browser are you using? One reason I like Mozilla Firefox is that Control and “+” makes the size of the print larger. [/hijack]

I can get stressed out. I’ve got two young children, uncertainty in the job situation and a ton of various other issues.

One of the things which helped me was to think of things like library fines as simply a tax on being busy and not a moral failure.

When you get that much on your plate, and get stressed, cut down as much as possible. If getting the book back next week is only $5, then don’t sweat it.

Get enough sleep, back out of unnecessary commitments, eat right (have fruit on hand to replace the munchies), get some exercise daily, even a few minutes of a brisk walk, and don’t sweat the failure of do any of these things.

And, when a librarian gives you a dirty look, do like my wife does. Burst out in tears and say that your mother just died. He/she will feel badly enough.

The details don’t have to be true, it’s conveying that people who don’t know what’s happening in your life have no business judging you.

Hang in there.

10

I’ve been dealing with my daughter’s chronic condition while self-employed and failing to make ends meet.

I found out those $40 parking tickets from a little while ago that I just haven’t had the chance to get to are now $300, and they say there is no way to waive the penalties.

I also called the State Bar to check on my license renewal fees. I asked if there was any hardship waiver and I explained the reason. They said no. I asked what would happen if I can’t pay on time due to financial hardship. They said I would be charged a $100 late fee. :smack:

Thanks for twisting the knife, jerks! :mad:

11

Right now.

  • Doing a major, major remodel on the house.

  • My mom fell and broke her back about 2 weeks ago.

  • Dad had a heart attack right about the same time.
    Mom and dad are divorced, but at least they live in the same town. About a 100 miles away. Needless to say I’ve been missing quite a bit of work. Winter has arrived which keeps me plowing snow or we or the contractors or subs can’t get up our drive.

This is a VERY bad time for me to be away from home.

12

Why wouldn’t it be reasonable? When mom died a year and a half ago it was right in the middle of the busiest time of work. You bet your ass I was stressed. To top it off my mom and I weren’t on the best of terms. I had to work Saturday morning before I drove five hours to get to her. The whole time we were there my aunt carped at my dad. My extended cousins were there, and they still make me cringe, they were so fucking village. They were slapping my mom’s face lightly to try to wake her up and get her to respond to me. I was like, QUIT IT! And then everyone was super tense with my SO…until my cousin, thankfully, asked me how long we’d been together and I answered “13 years” and everyone relaxed. What, did you think I brought the boyfriend of the week? And I knew my coworkers needed me, but they told me to not come back to work until it was all done.

I had dreams about it for weeks, I was so overwhelmed.

13

A snapshot of current events:

I’m going to school at a local community college. Not full time but near enough to require a lot of my time and energy. I’m on campus every afternoon.

I work part time, but I do caregiving in the home, so it requires me to drive all over the county 5 days a week.

The house I live in is very close to a small marijuana farm. Lots of traffic, lots of noise. I lay in bed at night night worrying about my kids’ safety.

My wife runs a daycare, but we have decided, due to the drug use next door, to no longer accept kids into our home. Because my wife is licensed and is friends with several of the other providers in town, she has been helping them at their homes. Gives us a few extra bucks a month, but not a lot. My wife is going to school also, which creates lots of scheduling conflicts.

My two kids go to school 30 miles away, and there is no bus service where we live. So I have to get up extra early, take them to my in-laws so they can catch the bus. Some days my wife picks them up, but if she has class I do.

My brother is awaiting trial on a felony.

Both my parents are addicted to various drugs. They no longer have a social life. I don’t like my kids visiting them anymore because they come home smelling like smoke. No more. One of my first threads on the Dope was about my mom suffering a seizure for no apparent reason. Turns out it was caused by a drug overdose.

My mom is having knee replacement surgery next month. This will be her fourth joint replacement. If the past is any indicator her her recovery will be slow and stressful.

So yes, lots of people have stress that can be overwhelming. OP, you are not alone.