My neighbor has Christmas lights up. Is it OK for me to kill him now or do I have to wait until Halloween?
He’s also sprayed that fake snow on the cactus. Can I shoot him now?
If he starts playing Christmas music with the 10 foot high snowglobe will anyone convict me for going all ninja on his ass?
Am I going to Hell because I don’t want to celebrate Baby Jesus’s birthday every day?
Send him a bunch of Valentine’s Day cards.
Make a Zombie Nativity scene.
Or an Antichrist Nativity scene.
The Gospel according to the Zombie Matthew, Chapter 2
[1] Now when Jesus was unborn in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise zombies from the east to Jerusalem,
[2] Saying, Where is he that is unborn Zombie King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.
[9] When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young zombie was.
[10] When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
[11] And when they were come into the house, they saw the young zombie with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; brains, brains, and braaaaaaaiiinnnnssssssssss.
Put up a huge cross in your front garden. Nailed to the cross should be Santa.
Cracking up so hard that water is coming out of my eyes.
Dang, Gorsnak, that was good.
The main problem here is that my neighbor doesn’t have enough brains for the zombies to be interested.
The Bible would never have a book titled Zombie Matthew.
It would spoil the surprise ending.
Start putting up Easter decorations?
Yo, and the anglos said, “Bust a cap unto your neighbor if your neighbor is askin’ for it. Blessed are the names of Smith and Wesson.”
A friend of mine was working on a project in Japan several years ago. The Japanese made a Christmas display for the Americans, and when they unveiled it, that’s exact what it was. Santa nailed to a cross.
He died for your naughtiness.
They also busted out Santa’s teeth so they could give shiny new dimes to kids who were too poor to lose teeth of their own.
When I first moved in to my new house (October) I gave directions to my house as “such and such street, between this and that, kitty corner from the high school, next to the house with the obnoxious blue Christmas lights.”
No one had trouble finding my house. Sadly, or maybe not, I was still giving the same directions in May.
Kill him now. It’s only going to get worse.
One house in my neighborhood had some sort of inflatable merry go round for Xmas. There were…THINGS…inside of it, that traveled round and round. It lit up, but I don’t believe that it played sound. If it goes up again this year, I must get a picture of it, because otherwise nobody would believe me.
I believe you, I’ve seen them, they are weird. They look like crap when a -40 degree wind tears them to shreds. At least I think it was the wind, the wind did a lot of other damage, but who knows, maybe some warmly dressed opportunist went out with a knife.
My mom’s neighbor has one of those. And an inflatable snow globe, and the Santa falling down the chimney, and too many more to count. Every square inch of the yard is covered with inflatable crap. At least he doesn’t leave them up all year. They go up in October and come down when the snow melts.
I think he puts a ton of lights up on his house too, but it’s hard to tell with all the stuff in the yard. I can’t imagine what his electric bill is like. I should try to get a picture this year, people don’t believe me until they see it for themselves.
Mom’s thinking about selling her house. I told her she needs to wait until spring to put it on the market because no one will want to buy the house if they see the display next door.
Put up some Saturnalia decorations, complete with a remember it’s the reason for the season sign. Get some mannikins or blow-up dolls and show as realistically as possible according to the local obscenity laws what December 25th was often like around 300 C.E.
So wait, I’m confused. You’re telling me those strings of little lights that people put up this time of year are NOT just cheap lighted targets for my .22?
Wow, learn something new every day around here. Ignorance fought!
…and then there was a sale at Kohls…