Say it’s the weekend and you and some family members are going out. How do you go about communicating to others the transition from “going out sometime today” to “leaving soon” to “walking out the door” ?
My wife often skips the second step. I’m stuck either being ready to walk out the door for two hours, or annoying her by taking a minute or two to get ready while she’s tapping her foot by the front door. There have also been times where each of us is simply waiting for the other, neither knowing that we’re both ready.
This only crops up without a hard time stamp, such as a movie, show, or a dinner reservation.
I think this is a common issue in relationships - I like to get to places on time or early and like to structure my activities in anticipation of getting ready. She likes to show up fashionably late and has no problem allowing distractions to shape her time as she gets ready.
The fights aren’t worth it. I pick the few battles that matter in this area - maybe 5% or 10% of them - and let the rest slide - I pull out a book or guitar and get myself distracted so I don’t go crazy from frustration…
When the communication is working, we actively ask each other things like “When do you want to go?” “How much longer until you are ready?” “Are you ready?”
Every once in a while we seem to get out of sync and one person will end up sitting in the living room, shoes on and coat ready, waiting for the other person to finish with something. Those times usually devolve to the waiting person stomping up the stairs, and lurking behind the other person, trying to convey “I’M READY TO GO NOW” without using words.
It helps that the living room is next to the front door, so the early person can turn on the TV while waiting.
What’s wrong with the person who’s ready to go saying, “I’M READY TO GO NOW!”? My husband sometimes does a little passive-aggressive response when I ask if he’s ready to go - “I’ve been ready for ten minutes.” Well, the day it is established that I’m a mind-reader, you get to snap at me when I don’t know something that I had no way of knowing (this applies in summer - in winter I can see the boots and winter coat).
“If I asked the question, it is because I didn’t know the answer.”
I say that a lot to my husband!
It comes down to communication. Figure out what time you want to leave at - announce that time. Both be ready by then. If for some reason that set deadline will be missed, announce it, and sort something else out. Since I’m more likely to be ready first, I usually give him a head’s up…“I’m ready, but we don’t have to leave for another 10 minutes.” That way he gets his ten minutes to finish whatever and I know that I won’t be waiting by the door in ten minutes waiting for him to get ready.
Talk about the trivial things, and save your fights for the important things!
