When was sanity outlawed in this country? And why was I left off the memo?

The BBQ Pit
1

Lollipop lady accused of assault

This 78-year-old lollipop lady* has been suspended from duty after a boy’s mother complained that she (gasp) poked him in the chest.

No?!! She never poked the poor mite? With her hard, bony, 78-year-old digit?

Yes! The heartless hag! Never mind that the little lout was kicking litter around and getting mouthy when she asked him to pick it up.

Essex County Council, the woman’s employer, says it takes all allegations involving children “very seriously”. Well, in that case why are they undermining this seriousness with such a comically daft action?

And more to the point, why is the boy’s mother not taking the time to educate her loutish son to dispose of litter correctly, and to respect his elders, rather than trying to put decent citizens out of a job if they dare to suggest that the whole fucking world does not revolve around her offspring?

I really despair of… well, people these days. Everyone knows everything about their rights but is curiously fucking nescient when it comes to their responsibilities. Responsibilities like not being a selfish arse; responsibilities like teaching their children some fucking manners; that kind of thing.

Jeez, look at me, ranting like an old man and I’m only 27.

Still, full credit to the lollipop lady for saying that she is looking forward to the time off on full pay “with nothing to do” :slight_smile:

*I’m unsure how universal this term is, so for those that don’t know, a lollipop lady is someone who stops traffic, using a large lollipop-shaped Stop sign, so that children can cross the road.

2

I thought she kicked ass for being stoked over the suspension.

I know one of these jackasses is going to sue me in the future. I can only hope I’ll keep my rage in check.

3

Apparently a lollipop lady is a crossing guard. I’m sure I’m not the only person around here who didn’t know that.

4

**nescience ** (noun): lack of knowledge or awareness : IGNORANCE
-**nescient ** (adjective form)

My new word for the day, thank you. That’s a good one. {can I thank people in the Pit?}

And sadly, it was apparently an international memo, although I too was left out of the loop.

5

Ah, the wisdom of the ages.

6

Have you seen the picture of that lady?

Fierce? :dubious:
Frightening? :confused:

I think the mothers need to grow up, along with the children. Good on the old girl though. She did what the mother should have.

7

Why do I see John Cleese in a dress?

[Python]
Mrs. Conclusion: Hullo, Mrs. Premise.
Mrs. Premise: Hullo, Mrs. Conclusion.
Conclusion: Busy Day?
Premise: Busy? I just spent four hours poking little Johnnie in the chest.
Conclusion: Four hours ?
Premise: Yes - he wouldn’t keep still.
[/Python]

8

Hey, I put it in a footnote already… y’know, fighting ignorance and all. It wasn’t just an ultra-obscure sig :wink:

9

In addition to agreeing wholeheartedly with your rant, may I swoon over your Britishness?

“little lout”

“comically daft”

Were it not for our 16 year age difference (and, yes, you may assume that I am not eleven years old) I would be composing love sonnets to you this very minute!

10

Oh, for crying out loud! No one has outlawed sanity, and no one has suggested that we should. Sanity, like many other dangerous commodities, is subject to a reasonable system of registration, restriction, and licensing. This system ensures that the wanton correlation of cause and effect is kept to a minimum, and kept out of our communities. An important feature of the system is the five-day waiting period for a rapid background check; without such a mechanism, children, criminals, and other unfit persons could engage in rational thought with little fear of discovery or interdiction.

Finally, it is to be devoutly hoped that the upcoming “Driving While Capacitated” Initiative will pass this summer. When it takes effect, predictable patterns of reasoning and behavior will become automatic disqualifications for driver’s licenses and vehicle registration. Remember, “If you drive, don’t think – if you think, don’t drive!”

11

Heck, the age difference for me is even greater, but I’m swooning as well. He had me at “poor mite”.
Oh, it’s the Pit–bloody damn good rant!

12

[Hugh Grant]
Oh… gosh… well, that’s really most frightfully kind but I… er… what I mean to say is… would you care for a cup of tea?
[/Hugh Grant]

13

It’s part of what I like to refer to as “The Cult of Child”

Children are sweet. Children are innocent. Children deserve to do nothing but run and frolic all the live-long day, and if you (mean nasty stranger that you are) dare insinuate the child is less than perfect, you are a heretic to be shunned.

God forbid you actually touch one - “Touched it?! A mortal layed hands on a child!!! Do you think you can upset the order of the universe and not pay the price?”

14

She actually touched the child? In addition to being dangerously violent, she’s probably also a perv, you know.

15

Agh, parents like that give parents a bad name. If my kid told me the crossing guard had poked him in the chest, my first question would be, “Well, what did you DO?”

Then again, maybe there’s been a rash of psychotic fingerpokings going on across the ocean from us, and our press just hasn’t yet picked it up. :smiley:

16

That’s part of a crossing guard’s job description, isn’t it? I’ve known the one around the corner from our house for three years now, and he still scowls fiercely at me every time I approach the crosswalk in a car (creeping along at no more than 13 mph).

17

Well, if nobody else will suggest it, allow me; we should outlaw sanity, then only outlaws will be sane.

18

Wow, I gotta say, this OP does make me feel really good, because when I read something about sanity being outlawed in “this country” I’m sure they’re confiscating dildos in Texas again or something, and would you believe it’s somebody else’s country gone mad for a change?

We don’t call them “lollipop ladies”, but I really do like the expression.

19

This sorta thing really pisses me off, she denies poking him, I’d believe her over him anyday. Children lie. It’s part of growing up. Even if she did poke him it’s not like she had no justification, he was littering, if his mother intends to try to claim she assaulted him can we claim he assaulted nature?