When weather hurts

Ok, so I live in Minnesota where, unlike places like Hawaii or Arizona, the weather actually changes.

Change is OK. Change is good.

Except when the weather is so god damned schizophrenic that the robins end up making six or seven round trips to Alabama per year!

Two weeks ago it was 90 degrees on a Tuesday. The following Saturday, it snowed. A lot. Then there was a couple of days when I was all for nuking Canada because they keep sending us those fucking Arctic cold fronts. (Damn you Alberta! Curse you Manitoba! Bite my frozen extremeties, Saskatchewan! Burn, no, freeze in hell, Ontario!) Yesterday it was moderately nice, even if a few degrees below normal. Calm winds, blue skies most of the day, birdies chirping, little, green shoots peeking up to greet the wan sunlight…but then the clouds started to build about 7:00pm, and now we have…


It don’t get no miserabler than this. First, an icy, bone chilling rain. Lovely. Then the rain freezes in mid-fall to the size of birdshot. I can deal with it–put the hood up on my coat. But when you add in a 40-50 mph wind…!

I had to go to the store to get some rigatoni fixin’s, and it felt like I was being fucking maced! Those damn little pellets hurt!. The parking lot at the grocery store had little rivers of ice water flowing through it. Nice touch–wet feet to go along with ice needles in my face. Then, after grocery shopping, I get back to find my truck has been cryogenically sealed–the key in the lock won’t turn. Fuck! Ok, set the groceries down while I dick around trying to get into my truck and out of When Cumulo Nimbuses Attack. Pick up the first grocery bag. Plop, flop, splash. The bottom of the bag has given way.

At this point, I’m wayyyy too angry to even swear. Growling like a wolverine with a ferret stuck in his throat, I begin stuffing groceries into the space behind the seat. Done. I can go home now.

Of course the roads have become one large skating rink. You can’t really drive in those conditions. All you can do is sort of point the vehicle in the general direction you hope to go and pray you can stop when you get there. It takes me about 10 minutes to go four blocks, and I start to make the turn into the alley.

~15 miles per hour.

That’s too fast.

The rear end of the truck passes me as I exclaim gawdamightyshit! I enter the alley on a bias wondering whose garage I’m going to take out. But the truck completes its circumnavigation, and I stop. Right in front of someone’s garage door. I look, and no-one seems to’ve noticed my eccentric alley-entry antics. Slowly, ever so slowly, I begin to back and fill until I’m again pointed the right way. I creep down the alley and into my parking space. I stuff canned goods into my pockets, cradle the rest of the groceries in my arms, and walk up to my door.

My renter meets me. “I’m glad you’re home. The oven quit working.”

Fuck me.

I take a deep breath and head downstairs to my little living area. I call my appliances guy. He can come out on Tuesday.

I tell my renters that, if they need to cook something in the oven, they can use mine until Tuesday.

I want to be a chipmunk. They sleep through the winter.


Being an ex-Michigander, this is the one thing I do not miss!! I do remember walking to class at MSU when it was -40F. Oh what fun the northlands.

It’s 80 and muggy here in TX. Damn TX Weather!

Hey, you think the weather just passes blithely over us and heads straight to you?!? We get that crap same as you, just a day earlier. And five degrees colder. But I agree with your sentiments about Ontario. Let the eastern bastards freeze in the cold.

We had the cold rain here in St Cloud too.

Then it turned into snow.

About four inches of it.

This crap better stop before PorkDope.

The Twin cities might be bad, but Calgary is flat out stupid when it comes to wild swings in weather conditions. Last Tuesday, we had afternoon temperatures in the mid-teens (that’s 60s for you Americans). The next morning we awoke to a couple centimetres of snow. By Thursday, we were able to play our first baseball game of the season with temperatures a few degrees above freezing. Friday morning brought with it a blizzard which jacknifed semis and even managed to write off a street sanding truck. The forecast for the next few days is calling once again for sunshine and a return to the warmer weather.

So don’t think you’re the only place in the world with wonky weather. We can certainly sympathize up here. And as for nuking Canada, please feel free to lay waste to Toronto. They’re located at 43°39’ Latitude, 79°20’ Longitude.

Yeah, well, here in New England, the past couple weeks we got the same thing- snow, 96 degrees, snow, PLUS an earthquake (we don’t do earthquakes here).

I’m expecting the plague of locust any time now.

Ok, we’ll nuke you. You can nuke The Yukon or Alaska. They’ll nuke Russia, and pretty soon we’ll all get a little warmer.

Wait, there’s that thing called nuclear winter.

Damn. Just when I had it all figured out.

Aha! Nuclear power plants! Let’s build a few thousand and connect them to a bajillion space heaters! (Who cares if the ice caps melt and Florida needs a few million snorkels. Small price to pay for palm trees in Minnesota, I say.)

I can see the travel brochures now:

Minnesota - Land of Tan

Surf St. Cloud - Uff Da!

Minnesota - Where the Mighty Mississippi Begins and Ends

Rochester - Ya Shore!

You want to talk about weather hurting? You should see the giant hailstones falling out of the Dublin sky a few minutes ago.

You Irish are such whiners. First you’re all “Oooh, the English are killing us”, now it’s “Oooh, basketball-sized hailstones are falling. Owwie, owwie, owwie”. Suck it up and go have another Guinness. And don’t threaten to come over here and fight me.

Why not? You scared? :wink:

sorry, Calgary? you’re only on the map because your name sounds like Colgate and its free advertising.
You americans invented whining.

Don’t worry, featherlou. If you think they’re whining now, just wait 'till the fire and brimstone starts raining down on them on account of Twisty’s comment. :smiley:

I guess misery really does love company, because this thread makes me feel better: at least the bad weather is being spread around a little.

Last week was in the 80’s and 90’s so I had to search through my closet for short sleeved shirts, since sweaters just wouldn’t do. I had to look for the silk shirts since I got heat rash under my arms the first warm day.

Monday, my first day of vacation, it was rainy and cool. As the week went on it gradually got cold. By Thursday afternoon it was snowing (on the 25th of April!!!) these huge wet flakes. I’ve never seen flakes that big before. I ended up needing to drive that night and it was really sureal. With the angle and size of the flakes as they were driven by the wind looked for all the world like trying to drive into the stars at warp-speed in a scifi show. The effort of trying to see through the flakes made me dizzy and I had an anxiety attack too…luckily it wasn’t a long drive and I wasn’t alone on the way home.

Now it’s back to cold and rainy…I hate this.

LaurAnge looks outside to the large snowfall that has been accumulating all day

LaurAnge remembers how last week she was hot in a tank top

LaurAnge sighs

I had a ‘fun’ weekend out in the weather. It was beautiful and 70 degrees out while packing for my trip, so I did not bring enough (read: entire closet-ful) of cold weather gear for what weather we did end up getting at an all-day outdoor LARP-type game: that is, a fricking ICE STORM! Sleet, rain, snow, even some nasty stinging hail along with (what felt like) gale force winds! Fortunately most of the people were wise enough to leave after being soaked through and losing feeling in extremities. (Some players were understandably upset when they tried their best to endure it, only to find out that most of their teams had quit. Now, I know I want to win and all, but there’s a certain point when a game ain’t fun no more and I’m amazed that I escaped without serious illness as it is.)

URGH! Midwestern weather!

I’m with Laur on this one, Rys. Sorry, babe, but we have it worse than you do.

A couple of weeks ago, we were sportin’ tanktops and shorts. The grass was green. The birds were back. It was lovely.

We got 16cm of snow yesterday. It feels and looks like freakin’ January here.

So, this Canadian is cordially inviting you to frost-bite her.

Elly :smiley:

Sunny, 75 degrees heading for 80 here. Pleasant mild breeze.

– Poly, Ex-Northerner :wink: