You’re crazy to hunt for those keys yourself. You need to hire a lawyer to do it!
Note to the mods: This is not intended as a personal insult, but rather as a humorous reference to the crapping-upon that Stoid has received in his “I’m representing myself in court” thread.
[quote=“Tom_Tildrum, post:21, topic:485250”]
You’re crazy to hunt for those keys yourself. You need to hire a lawyer to do it!
Gee, tom, you’d think that key-finding took a college degree!
(Wait…does it? )
And dammit, I have a va-jay-jay!!!
And no, I haven’t found them! I haven’t yet employed all your tips and tricks though…but I’m beginning to think I’ll be trapped here forever, watching my car rust in the driveway…
Perhaps your keys have run off with my cell phone and are now on a beach in Aruba, drinking things with little umbrellas in them.
Try sweeping all the floors. Maybe the keys are under the couch.
Are they in the car?
Behind the frozen banana guacamole. </Carlin>
Call a locksmith before you end up a prisoner without a locked door. I lost my keys once. I went six months with out being able to lock my doors. I never really cared, because I never had anything worth stealing. YMMV
SSG Schwartz
Lost keys… Asking for help… I should have guessed! :smack: 
Sometimes I lay down on my bed with my hoodie on, and my keys fall out of the pocket. Because hoodie pockets kinda suck.
p.s. hee hee, Algorithm! Where’d you get that?
Hey, I put it here so you could have more fun with it than in stuffy old GQ. 
Did you really want to restrict this to strictly factual answers, with people demanding “cite” all the time?
Well, it would take just one demonstrable cite and the problem would be solved.
Maybe they’re in London?
My wife dropped hers by the mailbox, hours before a snow storm. We did not find them for a month. Perhaps your keys are out there?
I went and looked, and they are not by my mailbox. Sorry.
Sorry I only just saw this. They are in the little basket on top of the fridge where you keep the batteries.
Join AAA
Call AAA for a locksmith
Why AAA?, because you might lose them again.
Then look in your trunk.
If you haven’t found them yet, I can share the recent circumstance when I misplaced mine. Since I was inside and would have had to unlock the house door, I knew they were inside. I looked where I normally put them, in a drawer in the buffet, and in my coat. No luck. I was in a hurry so I panicked and began looking in all sorts of very unlikely places. Finally I went to the chair where I had hung my coat and looked under it. There they were. I guess they fell out when I hurriedly flung the coat around to put it on. I hadn’t heard or seen them drop out.
If you have pets there’s a chance they/it knocked them out of plain sight.
The next most likely place for stuff to “get lost” at our place is in the seat of the recliner or underneath it where things can fall through to the floor.
After that we just start going through stacks of things, through trash cans, and all the other places other Dopers have suggested.
If it helps at all, here’s a haiku I wrote long ago:
Somewhere in this snow
As I frolicked and tumbled
I lost my house keys
They’re underneath the potholder on the kitchen counter. (That’s where mine usually are.)
They are in your coat pocket. That coat you never wear but then you did, just the one time, the last time you went out. Now where did you put that coat when you took it off…?
Clean your house. Or apartment, whatever. Then hammer a nail onto some vertical surface in the kitchen. Hang your keys on that every time you come home. Do not let your keys leave your hand between taking them out of the lock and hanging them on the nail. The nail is the only place your keys reside inside the house. Ever.
So Stoid, did you find your keys yet? Where were they? The suspense is excruciating.