“Hoo Boy” will go up there with “Haw Haw Haw”; I can see it now…
I personally just do my business, finding the stifled laughter of others more humorous than that of the inspiration along that END…
sorry…
In 30 years of shitting, I’ve never audibly grunted and most of the time I am able to keep the farts more or less silent. This can’t be a skill that only females have.
If this is what men are like in public restrooms… well if I was a guy I’d never use a public restroom.
There is a lot of grey area, you know. It is possible to shit in a civilized manner.
Yes, but, even more so than the fruits of those other deliveries, a B.M. should be seen and not heard. (And only seen once, at that, by the proud parent, to make sure there’s no blood in it or anything crazy.)
Like folks who have a tantrum-throwing brat in tow in public, I regard noisy poopers with an alloy of sympathy and contempt. One can’t help thinking that there must be something they could do to mitigate the situation.
Flushing. Lots of nice, noisy flushing. Particularly effective in typical public restrooms with tankless toilets, the ones that sound like a dam-break at Aswan High when you hit the handle.
I recall seeing a device produced and sold in Japan that actually simulated flushing noises for use in these situations, in a sidebar blurb in Popular Science.
Agree with loinburger. The only time I’ll make an audible comment is if I think I’m being excessively nasty, courtesy flushes and all. I’ll usually say “Whoo!” or something.
[hijack 1]
I’ve worked with the same people for so long that I can tell who’s in the stall next to me just by the sounds they make while crapping. One guy always has horriffic splatters going and constantly courtesy flushes as a result. One guy acts like he’s getting a Swedish massage, for all the controlled breathing he does. Another guy always does the cough-cover-up trick, but he’s never successful. Another guy, near as I can figure, just sits in there reading the paper for an hour or so after he’s finished. I never hear a thing other than the paper rustling. I can have Montezuma’s Revenge for the whole day, and as long as he was there when I came in he still won’t put the paper down and finish up while I’m in there.
[/hijack 1]
[hijack 2] Does every man in the world say “Huh - Full House” when they walk into a small office bathroom and all the stalls are occupied?
[/hijack 2]
Yours is grey?!? :eek:
Bashful sphincter syndrome.
Or your local paper has a really good personals section.
To borrow from a great work of cinema, “I believe that you would get your ass kicked if you said something like that at my work.”
The only thing I’ve ever heard approximating to this (at my college dorm, not at work) was “Somebody clear the fuck out, this is a fucking emergency!” Apparently it was some lactose-intolerant guy who’d accidentally drunk some cow’s milk.
Or he is a Zen Master of hiding out rather than working…
Not necessarily. When I go in the washroom and one of the stalls is occupied, I leave and come back in 10 minutes. I generally don’t wait until my sphincter is going DEFCON 1 before I hit the washroom.
Better not take it for granted.
And that is in the toilet, not on the floor. Once that’s satisfied—hoo boy—all bets are off! 
If he meant to type cowporking, then yes, it does.
-LC
It’s my potty and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to
Waitaminnit! You’re asking us where in hell this is acceptable? Didn’t you write the tour guide to Hell, Dante?
Anyway, I think it’s somewhere in the sixth circle. Those who posted in GQ and GD without proper cites will be afflicted with Irritable Bowel Syndrome - “As thou didst spout shit while alive, so art thou condemned to spout shit throughout eternity.”
[sub]“And here’s a roll of toilet paper. You only get one roll, so try to make it last. Mwahahaha…” [/sub]
“Any asshole can piss on the floor, but it takes a real hero to shit on the ceiling.”
[/MacLean & MacLean]
Why do I still remember all that crap twenty years later?
I don’t know where it’s acceptable, but I can tell you when it’s acceptable:
When you’ve been sick for three days, and the mucus that’s been inhabiting your sinii has somehow transmutated into shit and migrated to your lower colon, and your entire lower abdomen is cramping and contracting with the force of an industrial strength, it is acceptable to do all of the above.
People can’t always shit quietly, and sometimes the comments are done out of sheer relief. Just get on with your business and leave before the other guy’s big finish is about the best you can do.
Personally, I find it nigh impossible not to mutter, “Damn. Standing room only.”
[sub]And I’m sorry, but, “people who sound like they’re taking a shit in the shitter” is real fucking low on my list of daily problems.[/sub]
One time I was doing my business when this guy gets in the next stall over. He lets out a couple of farts then one huge wet fart and he exclaims"Wow that one came with a suprise!" I started laughing my ass off, it was like a bathroom comedy club.