Do you seriously think that conversation with your children will negate the influence of what your children have LIVED?
Just a tad oxymoronic? :dubious:
Can we comment on this situation if we don’t have kids? Because I don’t, but I do vaguely remember being one. And I can say, that out of the folks I grew up around, only less than a handful of couples had any kinks to speak of. Out of those, as far as an outsider can tell, their kids turned out reasonably healthy because (as someone previously mentioned) there was a lot of care taken to explain things and to promote tolerance / understanding / respect, etc. The ‘normal’ ones (where the kinks or what-have-you are hidden or accepted) usually produced the most problematic adulthoods for their children.
In my humble experience, that is.
You nuthouse degenerate! How DARE you!? We need to take your children away from you and give them to someone who will teach them to alienate people by pulling fallacious arguments out of their asses, how to shit out their spines and marry people who will force views they find disagreeable upon their children, and how to alienate even more people by telling themselves they’re amateurs and trying to do their jobs for them.
OK, actually, Dio, this is fun. I can’t blame you for playing like this. Except for that whole “don’t be a jerk” thing, but hey, anything that gets you banned, I can get behind.
I never said it wasn’t relevant. I think it’s a fair question. You said if I answered your question, you’d answer mine. Now you’re running away from it.
Believe me when I say that I would not and have not pitted you, and most of all not because you have confused gender issues, which I did not even know about until this post. I do sincerely apologize for misconstruing what is meant by the term “boi” used in this context.
And, as Diogenes has said over and over and over again, the main concern here is with the kids who live in freekalette’s house. I think he’s correct that the discussion here is dividing along parent/non-parent lines. I personally have issues not with the sex part of it…even I am not so “vanilla” as to not understand that a little dominance and/or submission can be fun. However, what DOES concern me is that I think that freekalette is doing some kind of self-medicating with it, and I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy. This issue is of secondary concern to me, because she is an adult and can make her own decisions where her own health is concerned. But if she self-destructs and brings her kids down with her, well, that is a different thing entirely.
In all sincerity, I’m glad you are working out your issues, I’m glad that you and A Priori Tea have a loving relationship and that she is helping you with all of this. And I really, really hope that this is the right approach to dealing with your problems. I’m not convinced it is.
You’re letting a guy order you around in front of them. That’s modelling subservience. It’s also inappropriate and incorrect to teach them anything other than that both partners in a couple are always equal.
Are you trying to say that I’m afraid to tell you whether or not I have kids? Why would I be afraid to say that? Most of the people who pay attention to my posts (which seems to be a lot of people these days) already know that I don’t have kids. I just think your entire argument has long since reached the point of being a parody of itself. Unless you’re really sitting there behind your computer frothing at the mouth, in which case…actually, that’s even funnier. Can you post a video on YouTube for us? It’ll probably be even funnier than your House episode!
If you think I’m breaking board rules, you are free to report me.
Lot’s of people do that though normally because they feel there’s nothing wrong with that. Should we advocate their children be, what?, removed??
Eh. Don’t care enough. Unlike you, I don’t froth at the mouth when I sense someone being wrong on the Internet.
Both partners aren’t alway equal. In fact, on any given day, they are probably not equal.
It’s how you deal with the inequality that matters.
I would at least advocate marital counselling and some kind of parenting classes.
At the very least, I reserve the right to judge it as a shitty parenting choice.
Haha, best fucking laugh all day.
You still teach the kids that they have equal rights and that neither partner has to be subordinate or submissive to the other.
My god, that’s hilarious.
I LIVED in a household where patriarchy was taken for granted - as have many others here, I’m sure. My parents never even bothered to sit me down and tell me that their lifestyle did not have to be my lifestyle. They lived it as the norm, and they didn’t see anything wrong with it, so obviously they didn’t think anything needed to be discussed. Funnily enough, I grew up to be just fine. I went to grad school and studied feminist literature, for Christ’s sake. My students probably think I go into lingerie stores and burn bras on principle.
I am not saying that households where patriarchy is the norm should be excused. They shouldn’t. But I would like to point out two things: 1) children ARE hugely influenced by their parents, but they are not doomed to repeat their parent’s shortcomings, and 2) a household where the parents sit down and tell their children that their own relationship is a special case and not a universal standard sounds pretty healthy to me. Plenty of my generation grew up in patriarchal households and managed to escape growing up to be raging sexists, and our parents didn’t even bother to say, “Look, Dad orders Mom around because we, as individuals, prefer this kind of relationship - but that doesn’t mean that as a rule, men should order women around. Sometimes women order men around. Sometimes nobody orders anybody around and they make decisions together.”
And I’d defend to the end your right to judge whatever you please however you please. Unfortunately, there’s no way to bring the multitudes of parents into counseling that would require and I still think it’s unfair to assume that because one states an outward preference for such things, that makes them the anomaly to be singled out. Until we can have true equality, forcing issues out of something like this is akin to (in my opinion) banning the wearing of trench coats after Columbine. Just because it’s obvious doesn’t make it bad or wrong… just different.
And they are. Or did you miss where they tell the kids that the way they do things isn’t the only way to do things?
Seriously, Dio…there are certain subjects on which you just go completely batshit crazy without even stopping to check on the facts. Anytime the words “children” and “sex” are within a paragraph of each other seems to be one of those triggers. Unfortunately, once you make that leap there’s no hauling you back in. Enjoy your sojourn in crazyland, buddy. We’ll talk when you’ve come back down.
If you’re no able to tell, then you should shut up, listen to what she’s saying (Did she ever use the word “rape”? Do you think she needs you to tell her whether she was raped or not?), and if you’re in any way interested in understanding what’s in the mind of people who are into D/s (of course, you aren’t), read what they say intead of trying to tell them what it is that they should feel according to you.
Besides, it’s not the first time I notice that you scream “rape” as soon as you’re faced with anything that could remotely be construed as “rape”, be it from a legal point of view (what! he’s 18 and she’s 17! She can’t consent!! Let’s this ugly rapist eat rats!!! ), on the basis of a perceived behavior (like in this thread), or on the basis of what goes in someone’s mind.
I think (not sure) that I already told you that : you should wonder why you’re seeing rapists everywhere. That’s just bizarre.
In any case, you’re beginning to sound like someone who thinks that helpless women needs strong and wise men (like you) to tell them what is in their best interest, and when they’re are victimized, as someone alredy wrote in a previous post.
It’s perfectly possible for a sub to be abused and taken advantage off by a Dom, even moreso, of course, if she has particular issues. Maybe in the case for ** freekalette ** But you would need some evidences that what’s happening. And since you’re obviously completely unable to understand the dynamics of this kind of relationship, what makes you believe that you’re in a position to tell whether it is the case or not?
Then, stick to this main problem and quit trying to tell her what she ought to think and feel.