Don’t feel bad, Mighty_Girl. I got a little laugh over your attempt. 
Mighty_Girl, a quick question: What do your other neighbors think of this person? Does she do it to them, too?
I don’t know really. I have a feeling that they treat her with some condescendence, same as if she were, er, a bit retarded… which I think she is. My other neighbors, to their credit, are past the novelty stage, and having found out that neither my husband and I are international spies, drug dealers or rock stars - thus not particularly exciting neighbors - just left us alone now. She just seems like a lonely person with too much time in her hands. Her marital life is not very fulfilling or exciting - her own confession - and she is disabled and doesn’t even tend to house chores.
Maybe I should suggest that she learn how to knit.
I could easily see this backfiring. If she’s talking with neighbors about her drapes, Ms. Nosey almost certainly tell the neighbors about this. Imagine the looks that Mighty_Girl would receive from the neighbors every time she went out.