Whew it's hot out here! Summer Mini-Rants

But do they have to sit to close to me??? :wink:

  1. Go into her office.
  2. Steal her hat.
  3. Get in your car.
  4. Go to the home supply store.
  5. Buy a brick.
  6. Drive to her house.
  7. Throw the brick through her window.
  8. Turn her hat inside-out.
  9. Wrap your hand in it.
  10. Use that hand to break out any jagged pieces of glass, rubbing the hat in any glass splinters.
  11. Climb through her window.
  12. Go to her kitchen.
    11. Open her refrigeration; the nutcracker will be there.
  13. Retrieve the nutcracker; retrieve the brick.
  14. Drive back to the office.
  15. Replace the nutcracker.
  16. Turn hat right-side-out; put it back in her office.
  17. Go to your desk; place brick in a prominent spot on your desk, it will eventually wind up at her house, in her fridge.

Oh, my God that’s perfect. ::adds to errands list for the weekend::

Bosslady: (something about a recipe involving bacon)
Me: Ooh, I’d try that recipe. I love bacon!
Bosslady: Purple, you’re such a guy.
Me: (glances down surreptitiously to verify that boobies are still in place)

Liking bacon makes me a dude now? WTF bosslady? I like meat ‘n’ potatoes, but trust me, I’m all woman.

Some bitches ARE nutcrackers, to mess with your distribution curve. :slight_smile:

I have jobs to give away.

No shit… actual jobs. I have them in San Antonio, TX, Lafayette LA (hit hard by the oil spill), St. Cloud Minnesota… temp jobs, part-time jobs, career jobs. I have 'em. Labor jobs. Clerical jobs. Accounting jobs.

Last I heard, people needed jobs. Unemployment nearing 10%, stuff like that.

HOWEVER, if you are a Craigslist user, you will likely never see the jobs I have posted.

Why?

Because Craigslist is the biggest piece of shit website. It loses my ads. It loses my re-worked ads. It makes determinations that my ad isn’t “appropriate” for some unknown reason and removes them. It does this to free ads, it does this to ads I pay for. It is worse than AOL circa 1997. It is Battlecruiser: 3000AD first-release bad.

To be fair, some ads do stay and get posted. But there are times, more often than not, when the stupid fuckin’ thing just won’t post the ad. You can direct link to it, but it will never, ever show on the category list.

Which fucking pisses me off.

Try a newspaper.

We do. But many of the jobs that we offer tend to be oriented towards a Craigslist user - part time temp work and starter jobs. When the ads click, the response can be overwhelming (as it was on the accounting ad). However, I tried to place an ad for a clerical assistant at our San Antonio office and it never took hold. :rolleyes: And this is somebody who we want to interview on Monday.

Dear next-door neighbor:

Six-thirty on a Saturday morning is waaaaaaay too early to be letting your shrieking spawn out into the backyard. Their screams woke me out of a sound sleep through earplugs, which takes a not-insignificant decibel level. I have bad insomnia anyway - y’all ain’t helping. Seriously, put a muzzle on those things, or keep 'em inside until a decent hour.

Hmm- I guess you can do nothing about it.

I have a tradie who lives somewhere up the road. At 5.45 am every morning he drives down the road in his work truck with trailer. And his mongrel dog which barks all the frigging time.

I can understand him keeping the dog to stop his tools getting thieved. But give me a break…

The Council can’t act as the dog is not a pest at home. I wouldn’t be game to ask the cops as they have enough to do. And where the hell are you going at that time to return 15 minutes later?

Starbucks.

Drop dead Verizon!

Net neutrality forever!

The lousy fucking phone company does not get to decide who is and is not allowed on the goddamned internet. Go play North Korea somewhere else you arrogant assholes. It’s bad enough you fuck up my phone service. Leave the internet alone you shitheads.

You too, google!

My Neighbors.

The ones with the approximately 10 year old girl who runs up and down the halls playing with her friends late at night. Some of you may remember that one. The last time I complained about it to anyone was Christmas, when I called the Police for the second time. I have been silent on it to them, to the cops, to management ever since then. Eight months.

Since then;

Late April: Unknown Woman at their door at 10:45pm complaining about the noise and the kids.
Early May: Two of them follow me around the building bitching at me for allegedly getting one of them grounded. I said nothing, but it told me that other people were complaining about them too.
Mid-May: The woman below them is at their door at 10:30pm complaining about them “running up and down the halls like a pack of elephants” and jumping up and down, running around INSIDE the apartment until all hours of the night and morning keeping her awake.
Early June: Their immediate neighbor, directly across the hall from me finally speaks up about it, knowing she’s moving out at the end of July, and has some unkind words for stupid mom at 10:30pm one night.

Two weeks ago: A police officer is talking in the hall to the girl, at about 10:30pm, about an incident where a teenage boy was following the group of girls around trying to talk to them and touch them. Now seriously, if you let your kids run around late at night unsupervised, you’re a dumbass. If this happens and you keep doing it, you are terminally stupid and should be put down for the betterment of Humanity.

So we get to Tuesday night, 12:01am. Three girls run up the stairs like the herd of elephants, into their apartment. About 1.5 minutes later, they come back out, running down the hall (other direction). Five minutes later, back up the stairs.
12:45am. Loud SLAM down the stair well, and girls come running back up the stairs. Run into the apartment for 0.01 seconds, back down the hall about half way, then turn back and run back down the stairs. At that point, I call the after hours number for the first time since last November, because I know they’re worthless and are very probably tipping off the families involved, but I want it known I called first. Neighbors IMMEDIATELY go into shutdown mode (yeah, they called them, I’m 98% sure), turning off all lights and pretending not to be home.
Guy comes up, sees nothing, says he can’t do anything. I assure him that I will be contacting the Office AND Social Services, as I’m done with this shit.

Wednesday: Into office, complain. Make note several times that I have not said Boo to anyone about it in eight months, yet I know damn well that at least three other people have been banging on their door at night to complain. Office says they’ll contact and speak to them, possibly consider giving them 60 days to be out, since has been going on over a year with no change in behavior.
Then I do the email contact page at the county social services and hear nothing back.

Friday night: Bang, crash, run this way, run that way, until 1am. So no change at all.

Fucking Idiots.

I don’t like having my ass hanging out of my jeans. Yes, I should be glad to be small enough that I can wear low-rise jeans; even a year ago this was not the case. But I feel like a slob. And whatever happened to petite stores? These are flares, and I can’t even let them flare because I have to roll them up. I wonder if a tailor could do anything…but then I’d be spending more on the alteration than I did on the jeans.

To my father-in-law: I’m pretty sure that a several-hundred dollar gas generator isn’t the best solution for a little bit of water in the basement maybe twice in the last couple of years due to power outage shutting down the sump pump. At your age, you should really be considering a retirement community with the proper resources to care for your wife, who has advancing Alzheimer’s disease - and frankly you aren’t in the best of health, either. You had spoken of this years ago, but you tried to play the market for too long and now your house and land isn’t worth nearly that much, plus I’m betting the built-without-permits and not to code extension on the back of the house doesn’t help there. Your house is not built to accommodate increasingly-fragile elderly people, and I’m just waiting to hear one of you fell down the stairs. But no, you won’t move, and you won’t accept any caregiver help that isn’t totally paid for by Medicare or whatever other resources are out there.

And I’m really sure that considering your financial resources, and habit of taking multiple weeks-long vacations out of state/country per year, you don’t need to force your adult children to buy you the generator as a birthday present. They’re taking up a collection as a partial payment for it; I can’t wait to hear the explosion when you discover no one can afford to get you that kind of present fully paid-for. My advice - fire the plumber that didn’t want a sump pump with battery backup and tried to sell you on this generator. (And if you really want my advice, which you don’t? Retirement community with proper care for your wife.)

So, now I know where my dad’s doppleganger is! We should get them together and they can trade hugely stupid tips on how to completely screw it up! Blowing money, check. Refusal to accept reality, check. Blowing the opportunity to sell a piece of crap house during the housing bubble, check. Wife with Alzheimers, check.

It’s spooky!

You’re not one of my sisters-in-law, are you? :eek:

Well, now I’m not sure anymore!

Oh, yeah. Add water in the basement to the list!

Look lady, I appreciate that we probably wasted your time. After all, it turned out that there was nothing wrong with my daughter. Whatever caused her to be unable to breathe, to choke and gasp and turn a little pale and blue went away by the time she got a chest X-ray, which was just an hour after we got to the ER. However, you lecturing me that I should really call my pediatrician first before coming to the ER when MY DAUGHTER CANNOT BREATHE was unhelpful.

Sorry, but if she’s trying to scream but can’t, and if I manage to calm her down but she’s still a little blue around the mouth and gasping and obviously uncomfortable, I’m not waiting it out, especially since my daughter is 9 months old.

I’m terribly sorry that there wasn’t something more seriously wrong with my child and that she wasn’t rushed upstairs on oxygen for an emergency surgery or something. However, please don’t question my reasoning abilities when my child can’t breathe. I felt a little stupid, but I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

Look Lower Back, you haven’t been an issue for something like 7 years. Why the fuck did you choose TODAY to go out over something as simple as bending over to pick up my cat?