Well, I, for one, barely know any of you people. And a Major Awards ceremony is never appropriate for a first date. You should start small, like with the Clios.
Which Doper girl is most likely to put out after a couple of drinks? I’m taking her. 
I’d be takin’ Bittersweet…
Not necessary – I think the Vionnet sounds stunning.
I was going to take Eve, but she’s triple-booked. I thought she would be the best dress-disser. Discreet, yet describing the bad frocks (from behind her hand) in such vivid detail that I’d bust out laughing inappropriately.
But, seeing as her dance card is full, I’d go with Ringo. I dunno why, except he’s around my age and he’d be able to relate to my “oooohs and aaaaahs” when geezer stars walked by.
Can I take Aldebaran and leave him with Joan Rivers?
I’ll take Eve, if you don’t mind.
Eve would be my first choice as well. I would wear Armani ala Jodie Foster.
[Scarlett O’Hara] Wha, Ah have so many gen’leman (and lady) callers! [/Scarlett O’Hara]
Hey, look at Uma Thurman—what, did she get dressed in a burning building?
Why yes, she did. Her career went up in flames. 
I would take anyone who had a good idea how to make the Wheelie-cool look dapper and would help me lug it.
That girl broke my heart. I so love her cool fashion sense. Then she has to go and do something like that.
I’ll tell you who else disappointed this year: Jamie Lee"Hey! Meet my ample bosom" Curtis. Her breasts qualify for their own zip code and she goes to the Academy Awards in a gownless evening strap? I’m dyin’ over here!!!
Cause nothin’ says tailgate like dem good ol’ Oscars!
Guinastasia, because we already know we look good dressed up together, based on a certain Halloween party. I think she’d enjoy the fashions.
Looks like Eve is going to have to charter a (veddy fahncy) bus.
Sign me up.
I would take NoClueBoy.
Oh wait, that’s me! I would go with Viva and would make sure we got at least as toasty as they did at the Golden Globes. Plus, I would make disparaging remarks about people who have just met me and are still within earshot.
Oprah Winfry: “Pleased to meet you, Mr Boy.”
Me: “Like wise, madam.”
[she goes on to someone else]
Me: “You’re right, Viva. Her ass is HUGE!”
Clint Eastwood: “Pleased to meet you, Mr Boy.”
Me: " Like wise, I’m sure."
[Clint walks off]
Me: “Shoulda stopped at The Gauntlet.”
Rene Zelwieger [squinting]: “Pleased to meet you, Mr Boy.”
Me: “Like wise, I’m sure.”
[she stumbles off to the next person]
Me: “I’d have to do her from behind, so her squinty face wouldn’t make me lose my erection.”
Peter Jackson: “Pleased to meet you, Mr Boy.”
Me: “Like wise, I’m sure.”
[another camera shoved in his face]
Me: “Is that the guy from Animal House?”
Julia Roberts: “Pleased to meet you, Mr Boy.”
Me: “Who are you?”
Julia Roberts: “I’m Pretty Woman, you bastard!”
Me: [makes wild horse noises] “Whore.”
[she stomps off in a huff]
Me: “I didn’t know cellulite could jiggle like that.”
Man, we could have so much fun!
Cervaise, no contest
Since Eve can have two dates, may I please have Sauron and ianzin?
Boy, MY erection would have no problems with Ms. Zelwieger’s squinty face…
sniff…
what about me?
Of course, I could be too much of a geek… then I’d be annoying… but informed.
You like me! You really, really like me!
And I hate to be unoriginal, but Eve was the first name I thought of. Then I remembered I’m married to a doper. Oops.