Question says it all.
I’d like to live the longest. Or be able to eat the most hard-boiled eggs inside of five minutes. 
Wheel-driven land speed record.
Take a streamliner to Lake Bonneville; custom made with gas turbines out of Chinook Helicopters (One for each axle).
Be the first to break 500MPH.
Spend the longest time underground (current record is 6 months, IIRC)
Oh my God! I get to be the first person to make a hilarious joke about the beer!!!
Actually, it’s a little known fact, but I am the greatest hula-hoopist to have ever lived. I have no idea what the current record is, but my personal best is 12 minutes and 38 seconds. Little bit more practice, and I’m sure I’ll be enshrined in history.
Also, I’ve always wanted to be the first female in Playboy mag as both a writer and as a pretty girl.
Hmmm… Too bad there’s no category for causing the greatest number of consecutive orgasms in a sexual partner. Just training for the one would be nearly as good as things get.
I think I would like to break the longest time in orbit. All I’d need is a solid internet connection on the space station and I’d happily spend a year or two up there. (Hopefully they’d figure out a way to counteract the physical degradation :))
-Doug
I’m most impressed with flagpole sitting.
It’s one of the oldest and most boring of the “trash sports”.
World’s wealthiest human.
I thought you were referring to the overall land-speed record, which was set on October 15, 1997, in Nevada by Andy Green in the jet-powered Thrust SSC: 763.035 MPH, faster than the speed of sound.
That’s what I thought at first, then it occurred to me that it would be better to be the world’s youngest billionaire in history. I’d just retire when I hit a billion.
World’s fastest cucumber slicer would also be nice.
I was SOOOO jealous - grew up next door to a girl who set the record for finding the most four leaf clovers. She had over 17k by the time she was eighteen.
She was a real sweetheart though, before a final exam she stepped outside and came back in five minutes with a four leaf clover for everyone. Pretty cool.
Land Speed. 
I wanna be able to break the record for staying up the longest. It would be one big music blaring, infomercial watching, tons of friends, party sort of deal.
Well, I’ve thought about trying for the staying awake record (I’ve made it for a really long time without trying, so it seems like it would be the easiest). But the one that I would really like to break is the one for the tallest house of cards. It’s up really high, though, so it’d be quite the task to undertake. Just getting enough cards together would be dang near impossible.
Six months is the record? That’s nothing. My grandfather’s been underground since 1976.
but having the world’s largest stereo system would be cool.
Im so underground my own mother doesnt even know about my existance
I’d set the land speed record for a car pulling a trailer. Seriously, the record is only like 130 mph or so, you could probably put a trailer on a Viper or something and break that.
One that I can actually do is to establish a record for playing the flute while riding a bicycle. Several miles on a nice rubberized oval track would put me in tha same category as “playing a violin underwater”. Whoo hoo!
“Most orgasms/sex partners in orbit” or something silly like that.
And what else could you expect from me?
Silo
I couldn’t find it on the Guinness website, but they used to keep the record for fastest baseball pitched. I remember Nolan Ryan held it last time I looked at the Guinness Book. That’s the record that I’d like to break.
If I had the fastest heater in the world, no doubt some MLB team would at least take a chance on me. I could go to the minors and try to develop another pitch or two and become a closer. If I actually developed into a major league pitcher, I’d have one of the sweetest jobs in the world. Even if I didn’t pan out, I’d still get the experience of playing a bit of minor league ball. Plus, I’m sure the contract for an uncoached kid with a 100+ MPH fastball would be a lot higher than your average minor league contract, probably a nice signing bonus as well.