It doesn’t matter to me when I see guys of different races around, but some women I know do not feel the same.
So you’re chilling at a party in Whitebread, USA Suburb and you see four black guys walk in or you’re at Ginger Irish Pub and you see Indian guys getting drinks at the bar…do you feel threatened or annoyed? I’m not meaning threatening as in they’re going to snatch your purse, but a social kind of threatning.
Are you scared that one of them may approach you? If so, are you afraid that you would not know how to interact with them? Or…are you thinking the only reason why they’re there is to pick up white women? Does that upset you?
This subject came up at a party the other night, i’m interested in hearing some responses.
No, it doesn’t bother me at all. I never even consider the race of the people I’m interacting with, so those thoughts would not run through my mind in the first place.
Like Kyla, if someone is behaving in a threatening or aggressive manner, it could certainly raise some red flags for me. But their race isn’t an issue at all.
I don’t understand this. If they don’t speak a language I know it would be an obstacle to general conversation, but I think I could manage anyway.
I’m afraid this one makes absolutely no sense to me and I don’t think I can answer it.
True story:
I was once stood up by a blind date at a lesbian bar. There was a man sitting at the bar who came over to speak with me - okay, he was there to chat me up. He was from Africa and was in Toronto to perform in “The Lion King” musical. He was a dancer and he played the part of a gazelle. His name was Sibusiso, which is the the Zulu word for “blessing”. I asked him if he knew what kind of bar he was in, because he was doomed to strike out if he was looking for a date. He smiled sheepishly and said “Yes, I know, but I live near here.” The theatre company got him a place near the gay village. I’m not sure if that was on purpose, and they made assumptions, or if it was just a proximity issue because the area was reasonably close to the theatre.
In any case, he was the most charming individual I think I’ve ever met. Hilariously so, actually. He was positively delightful!
I’m not white (although I’m not threatened by men of color either), but . . .
Is anyone actually gonna come by this thread and be like, “as a white woman, I know all them colored mens is after my sweet pale booty. So yes I find them socially threatening”?
You don’t really think you’re gonna get a bunch of people on the Dope to readily admit racist feelings, do you?
Anyway: no, I’m not. I’m used to academic circles where there are tons of people of all ethnicities. I’ve dated pretty nearly the whole racial spectrum, and am used to seeing it at parties and bars. When I was 27 I met my husband, who is the first American and second anglo-saxon kind of guy I ever dated.
Being in Chicago, where the total “white” population is something like 40%, I think I would need to get the hell outta town if I were threatened in some way by non-white men being in my vicinity.
Or ‘My lady friends and I would shriek into our Chardonnay while our white brethren would shrug and get back to the bbq.’ If people are raised the same way or part of the same community, their reactions aren’t going to be vastly different, save a few exceptions. If anything, the closest thing to this situation I’ve ever experienced was when some asshole hick told some Haitian friends of friends that we ‘Didn’t want any trouble’ (before his girlfriend yelled at him, explaining these guys were classmates).
Women bristling at groups of men is hardly rare, but I’m not sure how much it has to do with ethnicity. I guess there have been times and places (France, Morocco) where I’ve noted that all the harassment was being done by North African guys – but was it just because they themselves have a stereotype of women outside their race and clan, because they were North African, or just because they’re thugs of a certain age, hanging out in groups doing nothing (but smoking, yelling and groping)? It’s not as if I’d react to a group of well-behaved Moroccan men in an art gallery the same way, or fail to brace myself while going by a bunch of Caucasian Parisian teenage boys sucking their teeth at women walking by (though I’ve rarely experienced this).
So no, if black or Indian guys were the only notable minorities in a sea of white, I don’t think I’d be on alert unless there were any other signs that made them stand out (hitting on women obnoxiously, getting really drunk) – the same signs that would put me on edge, no matter their ethnicity. Or, I guess, unless I knew there were some angry racist white guys around looking for a fight.
I’m a white woman. I dated a black guy for a month and a half Filipino/half Latino for 7 months, so I’m uh… “down” with mixing the races.
I would not feel socially threatened if a group of guys of any race walked in the door of a restaurant where I was eating, unless they were being extremely loud and intentionally obnoxious. Black guys yelling “Where da white women at?” is equally as obnoxious as white guys yelling “Where mah ladeez?” (I’ve never actually witnessed either of these things happening so it’s all hypothetical)
Funny and potentially relevant story: the only time I’ve ever been "holla"d at (since hitting adulthood) was by a black man in a passing SUV. Outside a liquor store at about midnight. I had just gotten off work from an office, so I don’t think I looked like an on-duty prostitute. THAT creeped the fuck out of me. But I’d have been just as creeped out if a white guy had done it because it was late in a poorly-lit parking lot and seemed like something a rapist might do.
Well, clearly either she or somebody in her social circle said exactly that, so why would it beggar belief to think somebody on an anonymous MB would share the same feelings?
I’m still trying to work out what the OP wants. Is it a “Oh no, those colored mens are going to rape!” or “Oh no, those colored mens might want to date me!” or “Oh no, those colored mens might want to talk to me and I don’t speak ghetto!”?
A group of men at a party or on the otherside of a club would not bother me. However, it makes me very angry when men from other ethnic groups try to flirt with me. If one of them started to approach me, I would dismiss him quickly. Politely the first time, if he persisted in bothering me, well, I can make grown men burst out crying in under five seconds and there’s always pepper spray.
Sometimes the Oh Lordie reaction is just what is wanted.
My son, a muscular white 17 year old with a shaved head and an Anti-Flag T-shirt would see women cross the street to avoid walking past him. He loved it.