Who Are The Childfree?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I’m 36, female. El Hubbo is 34. We’ve been married 12 years, together for nearly 20 (he’s my high school sweetheart). Both professional: he’s an automation engineer, I’m a tech writer. 2 cats.

When I was little, I never saw myself with kids, or daydreamed about a family. I rarely played house (my sister and I more often played school or some such) and just didn’t think about it much. I didn’t see myself as married, come to that. And then when we got married, we got more and more used to doing what we wanted, when we wanted, how we wanted. We’ve discussed it pretty frequently, but are fully aware of how much that would change our lives and frankly, we just don’t want to make that change.

Earlier, if he’d have felt strongly about it, I might have come around and maybe we’d have kids, but he didn’t. And I think he feels the same way about me. We’re really happy with our life. And I’d be really leery of getting pregnant now - not interested in high-risk.

We’ve got three nieces reasonably close by, and one nephew farther away. We try to see them as often as we can. They’re tons of fun, but I wouldn’t want my own.

We’ve got an active enough social life, but also spend a lot of time with just us. We do happy hours/dinners/get-togethers with friends probably 2 - 3 times a month. Both our families are close by, so we do family activities at about the same frequency. And we’ve got date night every Thursday. (Love date night.) It’s a good way to live.

22

I’m a single 28-year old, not in a relationship. I’m in an adult-ed course, and I hope to soon have a job.

Even if I were in a relationship, I wouldn’t want to have kids. My family has very bad genes (mental illness runs rampant on my mother’s side of the family, and I’m kind of screwed up myself.) I know I wouldn’t be a good parent. Besides, there are enough people already having kids - why should I contribute any more kids, when I know they probably wouldn’t have a good life?

(I don’t hate kids and have nothing against responsible adults who do have kids.)

23

I’m a single 34-year-old female with a bachelor’s degree, a house, a car and a dog.

Never wanted kids. I remember I used to have a doll that said “mama” and I hated that doll so much. Everyone thought it was because I was afraid of her talking. No, I was afraid of someone calling me “mama”!

All my friends have kids. It makes me want to have kids even less. I like all of their kids and I spoil them all and enjoy spending time with them all. I do not want to be responsible for any of them.

I love having my dog but I feel like we’re more “buddies” than mom/daughter, even though I call myself “mommy.” To me it’s a totally different thing.

I hate hate hate that I spend so much time and money in the care and feeding of my uterus when it serves zero purpose for me. Grr.

24

Isn’t the term “Childfree” associated with a particular movement, and not a generic descriptor for anyone who hasn’t procreated?

25

I don’t have kids or any plans to have kids, and if I got pregnant accidentally I’d have an abortion, but I’d never call myself ‘childfree’. Bleh.

I’m single, 27, a high school drop out who has been supporting myself entirely since age 18, and have a dog and a cat who are not my ‘babies’.

I like kids a lot. I’m not ruling out the possibility of one day being a parent. But I think I’d be perfectly content if I never was.

26

I don’t know, is it? If so, I’ve never heard of the group.

27

you choose to not procreate or are happy with your infertility?

I wanted children very badly but had a botched abortion in the 1970’s that left me unable to have children. I was still able to conceive for a few years, but extensive surgery to correct the damage left me unable to carry a child. I have come to terms with the pain as my punishment.

what kind of person are you? Kind, funny and I don’t take any shit.

A professional? Yes.

Religious? Yes.

Social? Yes, but more of an introvert if I had my druthers.

Hobbies? Many. Fitness, gardening, theater.

Pets? Always. They are my children.

Age? Well into my 50’s.

When did you know you didn’t want children? N/A

What inspired your choice? N/A

28

Being gay I’m functionally infertile (absent extraordinary conscious effort) but have never wanted children anyway. My partner feels the same. We are 37 and 31, been together 12 years. I’m insurance and he’s in banking. We’re both atheists. Tons of hobbies and we have a cat.

29

52 year old man married for 30 years.

Kids were never a consideration or a possibility, and I never missed them. I’m an uncle to my brother’s two daughters, my younger sister’s daughter and my older sister’s two sons. And damn it, I’m good at being an uncle. I’m also sort of an “adopted uncle” to a friends kids.

I don’t have any reason to believe that I’d be equally as good as a father. I like my privacy far too much, and have never had the sort of work history that I would have needed to support a family. I know too many people who lose their ability to do things they love - seeing movies in the theater, concerts, traveling, etc.

On the other hand, in general, kids like me. I don’t talk down to them or patronize them and they seem to appreciate that.

30

Yes and yes. By that I mean, childfree was and is a perfectly acceptable term to denote “happily childless”. I am not lacking a child, I decided not to have one.

But then these childhaters came along and appropriated a perfectly lovely term and went and made it political.

I just wanted to use it to let people know I’m happy, I don’t want a child, there aren’t any infertility issues, or anything they need to be sensitive about.

31

I am 52 and happily single. I’m an introvert and enjoy my alone time, but I’m not so much of one that I don’t enjoy palling around with other people a bit. I have always liked kids but never wanted to own one. I consider myself a pretty good uncle to my niece and nephew. Parenthood is way too much responsibility!

It is nice to have plenty of time to spend on my various hobbies. I can’t imagine having to worry about children, and not having time to pursue my interests. That would drive me insane!

32

DH and I are both 44. We’re both professionals (I’m a technical writer/editor and he’s a graphic designer). Neither of us are religious. We’re both pretty shy, but I’m more social than he is. He’s happy to stay home and play video games with his brothers, and I’m involved in my local Scottish Highland Games. We have some mutual friends, and other friends that are more “his” or more “mine.” We have 3 dogs right now.

My mom says I told her sometime around the 8-10 age range that she wouldn’t have grandkids from me but she’d have granddogs. I don’t remember that, and don’t remember anything triggering me to say it, but I can say that I didn’t much care for babysitting as a tween/teenager. That’s the only “inspiration” I can think of. I didn’t even like to play house or with babydolls. I liked the fashion dolls like Barbie, and I remains a clotheshorse to this day. I do get along really well with teenagers for some reason.

My brother was always the kid person, and he’s supplied my parents with a granddaughter and grandson.

I only ever think about having in a purely hypothetical way when I’m having a “hate my name” moment (there’s a name on my mom’s side that should have come to be me but didn’t because of family politics on my dad’s side). But having a kid to work out my name issues…not just no, but hell no!

33

This week’s Candorville has been focusing on the “patronizing twat” aspect (Yesterday’s in particular, but the sequence starts on Tuesday):

http://candorville.com/2013/03/05/susankids/

34

Here is more :
I am an agnostic (though I attend Church fairly regularly, because I like to sing hymns). I don’t own a pet, for the same reason I never had children – I like animals, but I don’t want to bother with them. I am a library assistant at Vanderbilt university. I enjoy reading (I’m a big H. P. Lovecraft / “Cthulhu Mythos” fan, and also read history, anthropology, Fortean topics) and drawing “superheroine-in-peril” scenes for my page at Deviant Art. I also enjoy several television shows – The Walking Dead, The Middle, Modern Family, and The Big Bang Theory.

35

Early 50s, work in an industry that’s notorious for irregular working hours.

I married at 42. My husband is 5 years younger than me, comes from a big family, has a ton of nieces and nephews, always wanted to be a dad. Me? I always flirted with the the idea of having a child, but I never had that gnawing, relentless urge to procreate.

I love kids. I was a teacher for a few years, and I suppose that’s how I got my “mothering” fix. Now I have dogs :slight_smile:

My husband and I consider ourselves to be “extroverted introverts” in that we’re both quite sociable, but we spend most of our free time on our individual pursuits. Our lifestyle isn’t conducive to children. We’re also both just selfish enough not to want to upend that lifestyle because of a child. Besides, this hypothetical child is a moot point, IYKWIM.

36

*What kind of person are you? *I’m non-spontaneous, introverted, and pretty boring. I have a boyfriend and an older female roommate. Before I met my boyfriend, I would pretty much just play WoW, read a book, or play on the internet every night. Now I still do those things, but I spend time with him as well. It’s not the life everybody wants. But after an extremely chaotic/abusive childhood, I like the routine.
*A professional? *I don’t have a degree, but I was in college for 4.5 years. I have a moderately-paid white collar job.
*Religious? *Apatheist (apathetic atheist). If there is a god, I’ve never seen any evidence of it. I don’t really care to dwell on it, regardless. Spirituality is not present in my life.
*Social? *I’m a socially-anxious introvert. I spend a long time planning large decisions before I make them. I have a limited tolerance for surprises. I prefer to maintain a small circle of friends, and I rarely see my family. The only person I wish I saw more is my only sibling, but she lives a couple thousand miles away.
*Hobbies? *I’m a major foodie. I am a former musician (played sax for 9 years, piano for 20+). I would play piano every day, if I could afford to buy one. I play World of Warcraft. I’m hooked on Rifftrax and MST3K shorts.
*Pets? *None of my own, but my roommate has three cats. I don’t have to feed them or scoop their poop, but I still get kitty snuggles. It works out pretty well =)
*Age? *28
*When did you know you didn’t want children? What inspired your choice? *

I firmly believe that raising a child is a cooperative effort to raise an independent human being that may turn out nothing like either parent. I think too many people approach parenthood as an effort to bludgeon their kid into a brainwashed clone of themselves.

I **really **biologically craved a child in my early 20s, but I knew I wasn’t ready for one in terms of stability, emotions, *or *finances. I’m a very logical person, and I’ve always prided myself on my ability to put brains over heart. I learned at an early age that love overcomes precisely nothing in life. But I like kids well-enough, and I babysat a lot as a kid. I would just prefer not having kids at all than to raise one outside of a stable, loving, financially-secure, two-parent home. I was raised by poor, struggling, abusive parents who, if they were a bit smarter, would never have procreated. I refuse to inflict that kind of life on a child.

I wouldn’t mind being a single mom, IF I made enough money to provide for the child’s every need and most of their wants. I’d have to be making 40k+ a year before even considering it. I can’t imagine a more selfish decision than to have a baby because you want someone to love you unconditionally. Do those stupid bitches not remember their own teen years at all?

I also know that if I have a kid while I’m living in the midwest, my mom is going to use it as an excuse to guilt me into visiting more often. BF and I have casually discussed relocation, if the relationship works out in the long-term. He doesn’t *not *want kids, but he doesn’t want them anytime soon and would be just fine with never having them. We’re on the same page, fortunately. Having kids is the most life-altering decision I would ever make. I don’t plan to enter into it cavalierly. I mean, if I were cavalier about having kids, I’d have them already.

37

Female, 27. Grad school student, will be in a professional with a career at the end of this year. Agnostic. Introverted. A few cats at this house, plan to get my own when I move out.

I think my main reason, above all, that I don’t want children is economically based. They’re really expensive to raise. After I graduated in 2008 from college I was never able to find a full time job. Five years later it looks like I’ll be able to find one but now I’m $70k in debt. I feel like a teenager living in my father’s house still. By the time I’m able to move out, make my own major purchases, pay off loans, do some fun things, etc. and then think about having a kid, I’ll probably be around 70.

When I was with my first bf and we both (naively) thought we’d land great jobs, we wanted kids. I was cool with that. But none of us could find anything we could live off of, let alone support our own family.
The second bf had his own life and was financially well off but hated kids. As in he would say things like “someone should throw a grenade into that room” if a kid was crying in a separate room. Needless to say, I didn’t feel this way. I don’t hate kids. I thought I was okay with being childFREE (as he liked to rub in my face) but one day I realized that if that was the case, I’d need a partner who I could see myself spending the rest of my life with and not being bored to death by it just being the two of us. He definitely wasn’t it.

With the current bf, we’re both on the fence with kids. Don’t hate them, but don’t see what all the fuss is about. It’d be cool to see what our DNA combined would make and to create a person that would think we’re awesome for its first four or five years, but again monetarily it’d just be a fiasco. I barely have the energy to take care of myself, let alone put the career aside I had just spent the last 3 years working on getting to take care of someone for the next 18 years. We have no family support to help us with any future children (just plenty of pressure to pop one out from them.) I am glad that the current bf gave me a choice of having them or not, as opposed to the ultimatum from the last ex, so our current decision doesn’t feel like it’s been decided by just one of us. And the current bf is someone I could see myself being happy with, just me and him, for the rest of my life.

I am a little sad at the realization. I think I will always be sad. But even at 27 I still feel like a kid myself. By the time I start feeling like an adult and possibly entertain the notion of having children, I know that it’ll be far too late for my body. No matter which path I take, I will always wonder what the other one would’ve been like.

38

Male, 45, gay, monogamous, living with/married to/civilly unionized with my partner of 23 years.

Professional, college-educated (Bachelor’s degree, a year of grad school).

Not raised religious, atheist except for several years where I tried to convince myself I believed in some kind of deity.

My hobbies these days all seem to involve yarn in one way or another. For several years I lived in a rural area, had a horse, and rode almost daily.

At the moment, my partner and I have many cats and a dog. My partner would be a crazy cat man if he were single, I’m sure.

I can’t remember ever really wanting a child of my own. I remember feeling resigned to the likelihood of having a child, that is, knowing that it was expected of me and probably inevitable. I don’t like taking care of kids and have no desire to have that kind of never-ending responsibility.

In my teens I realized that I didn’t have to have kids if I didn’t want to. I don’t regret not having kids at all, although I still have flashes of relief when I consider that I don’t have any and never will. I’m perfectly delighted to see my friends and relatives enjoying their own kids as long as I’m not expected to partake of the joys of parenting.

I had one partner who wanted kids and nagged me about it frequently. I think it had much more to do with my partner’s own notions regarding sex and gender than with the desire to raise a child. It was not, in retrospect, a good relationship.

39

I agree with this so much, especially after taking a look at some online childfree communities! Being childfree is only one variable of my personality.
But, I’m happy to fill out a profile if that’s what you’re looking for
What kind of person are you? A normal, happy person!
A professional? Not really. I was a field worker, and an office worker. I have done post-grad work. Now I’m unemployed (by choice) and considering starting my own business, so no idea how that fits into the term ‘professional’. The whole career vs babies thing always amuses me when it comes up, because to me they’re two unrelated things (though some extreme careers would contraindicate babies, and some babies, like extremely special needs kids, would contraindicate certain careers), so it’s kinda like asking someone if they have cereal for breakfast vs do they like the colour blue
Religious? No
Social? Yes, reasonably so. But I also like my alone time too.
Hobbies? Lots. Motorbikes, knitting, horses, reading, diving, baking, photography… And that’s just this week :wink:
Pets? I have 2 dogs. But I’m building fences at the moment for a paddock for some horses, and have an area taped off for chickens. Planning to get a few sheep or a few alpacas at some point. And I have a worm farm and bee hives, but they aren’t really pets I guess.
Age? 34
When did you know you didn’t want children? Always. I’ve always known since as early as I can remember that it wasn’t something I wanted to do. My mother says I expressed that at quite a young age, but I don’t remember saying it. I got sterilised at 24, and did quite a bit of heavy thinking and researching before taking that step, but it really just helped clarify what I already knew about myself.
What inspired your choice? No inspiration. It’s just something that is not for me.

40

Gay and too poor to adopt. I want kids but not badly enough to go through the time and effort it takes for a gay couple to acquire them. If I could make my own I’d have them, but I’m also pretty happy with my life as it stands.