Who do you hate more? My answers inside...

The BBQ Pit
1

Criminals or lawyers? Lawyers.

Militant (nonviolent) Arabs or Hillbillies? Hillbillies.

Terrorists, or the current USA government (collectively)? The government.

My reasoning in each case is simple. I hate the one that has done the most harm to our society, and the ones more likely to negatively affect my personal life.

At least you can fight against a criminal. How can you protect yourself from a lawyer? With another lawyer? Fuck that. Lawyers are rarely interested in seeking justice, but rather weaseling through loopholes for personal gain.

Muslim political extremism isn’t electing my national representatives or (successfully) pushing their racist and homophobic religious agenda on me. If I had to choose between losing the former Confederate states to a massive tidal wave, or the sudden gasping respiratory failure causing diseased death of everyone in the Middle East, the Bible Belt would be at the bottom of the ocean. Stop fucking electing my government, please.

Terrorists have killed plenty of people, and made life damned inconvenient for the rest of us. Fuck them. But my government has ensured that future generations of Americans will be committed to an unsustainable occupation and stunted economic prosperity, along with serious civil rights abuses. Millions of people around the world are miserable because of my government’s decision to throw the marines around haphazardly like a dog with a toy. American will and determination can overcome disastrous terrorist attacks, and rebound as good as new, but we’ll never be the same because of this administration.

Anyway, that’s my opinion. If you don’t agree with it, fuck off, and be sure not to vote.

2

I’m going to vote for whichever candidate is a hillbilly/lawyer/politician just to piss you off.

Wait a minute, Bill Clinton can’t run for a third term.

3

It is so incredibly convenient yet so incredibly wrong to see life so black and white. If you truly believed what you just wrote, you’d prefer a criminal ruled anarchy that thumps the Koran in your face and terrorizes you if you do like it. If that’s you cup of tea, good luck to you.

4

So you want to kill all the gay and black people in the South? You racist, homophobic bastard.

5

Wow, I think I hate you.

6

Bill Clinton was a lawyer? I thought the deepest he ever got into law was teaching at Hillbilly University for like 3 months.

7

In what manner do you propose we adjudicate criminal and/or civil disputes?

8

That’s not what I said, dingdong.

I said that if I were forced to make a choice, I’d choose for South Carolina and its inbred neighbors to sink, instead of the middle east to choke.

Of course I wouldn’t kill them if “neither” was a choice. In my hypothetical, one or the other has to go.

9

That’s like telling me I’m not allowed to hate the rapist that happens to be necessary because he cleans the shit out of my sewer. Sure, cleaning clogged shit out of the sewer is necessary, but it doesn’t excuse the guy for being a total fucker.

10

But wait, isn’t there supposed to be a third one? And are you marrying the Middle East or fucking it?

11

Well, is it the case that lawyers are all or mostly total fuckers? Public defenders, constitutional scholars, the bunch? Because you’re cutting a rather large swath here.

12

Well then, try putting your dilemma another way. If you were forced to choose between living, permanently, in Charleston or Riyadh, which would it be?

13

You complain about the South electing your national politicians, well this is from the 2004 presidential election:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:US_presidential_election_2004_map.svg

Hmmm it seems like a lot more than just the South had a hand in electing your national politicians, yet they are the ones you single out, it seems you have a prejudice against the South that isn’t warranted. Why do the other areas of the U.S. get a free pass in your well thought out little hypothetical?

14

Public defenders are typically trying their damndest to get a guilty man found innocent.

That’s NOT fucked up? I’m sorry, but the time you prevented that poor innocent man from going to jail doesn’t make up for the three child molesters that repeated their crimes after you successfully defended them and got them off because the police officer didn’t give him donuts with the right frosting and do La Bamba while he was being arrested.

15

What the fuck do you mean by “Hillbillies?” I want you to explain this one. It makes you kind of look like an idiot to throw around words like that in what’s ostensibly a serious discussion. Also, I don’t know how someone can be militant and nonviolent at the same time.

16

Also, your example is flawed in another way:

Well, you can hate him for being a rapist while thanking him for being a sewer-cleaner (or at least not harboring any grudge against sewer-cleaners in general). The two are entirely disconnected.

17

You’re right; we should lock 'em up without trial.

Look, if you have evidence that lawyers are, by and large, acting with the ill motives you ascribe them, then, by all means, bring it forth. But you seem to be playing only off of wild stereotypes and a hatred of the very purpose of the profession, a purpose which seems perfectly defensible, even laudable, to me.

18

A militant, nonviolent Arab would be people like the elected leaders of Iran, who promise every day that they’ll commit genocide and murder, but never actually follow through with it.

I’m not interested in debating the meaning of the word hillbilly with you, so that you can win a weak semantic victory. Southern culture is fucked. It’s based on a long historical string of oppression, bigotry, intense religious zealotry, and severe lack of appreciation for modern education. Sure, the food is good. The land is pretty. Some pretty decent people come from the South, but the culture is fucked.

19

How many of the elected leaders of Iran are Arabs?

20

I have to provide evidence that a person who feels victorious after finding a loophole to set a child molester free is fucked?

Of COURSE they’re acting with the ill motives I’m ascribing them. Just look at how we reward and recognize lawyers! Lawyers can spend their careers fighting racial injustice, but what are they remembered for? Getting OJ acquitted. Damn, what a GREAT LAWYER Cochran is, right?! FUCK him!