Preferrably dropped into a vat of acid while chained to Adam Sandler.
-Joe
Oh, I’d like to add what’s his face - Leno’s black asskissing band leader. Fuck, I’m not a Leno fan, but I occasionally see the show. And when that hyena/jackass crossbreed starts laughing I just can’t stand it.
Leno: So, there I was walking-
IBBL: Hee hee…you was walking
Leno: -down the street and I saw a woman-
IBBL: Hee hee…a woman
Leno: -and she had a dog on a leash
IBBL: Haaaaahahahahahahaha! A leash!
I mean, I’m sorry, but what the fuck?
So, I started Chemotherapy today…
IBBL: Haw haw, chemotherapy!
-Joe, didn’t actually start chemo today
Adam Sandler
Jesse Jackson
Julia Roberts
Halle Berry
Hilary Swank & Chad Lowe. They set off my creepy radar for some reason.
Julia Roberts: I hope she stays home with her twins because then she won’t be making any movies.
Meg Ryan: If I see one more trailer for some stupid Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan movie I’m going to scream. Oh look, I’m in a movie that’s basically an AOL commercial!
Mel Gibson: He used to be allright, but in the past couple of years he’s let it known what a complete asshole he is.
Bill O’Reilly: No comment.
John Belushi (he’s already dead, but still…): Arrogant asshole, mainly. And I have never found him funny.
Mike Myers: STOP with the movies. Because I know if you make another movie, there will be 500 sequels following it because, somehow, you are box office gold (except for The Cat in the Hat). And when the sequels follow, I will have to see your characters on every single product known to man.
Rosie O’Donnel: Not so much anymore since she’s been out of the spotlight, but for a while there I couldn’t stand her. She’s a hypocrite and she verbally abuses her employees.
Any cast member from “Sex in the City”. Why is this show funny again? Because some women sit around a table talking about their orgasms? HILARIOUS!
Oh, and Letterman’s band guy, isn’t he named Paul Shaffer?
Dave, my boss:: He needs to stop looking at my ass every single time I walk by. He thinks I don’t notice, but I do. Even worse than that, he stares at my crotch all the time. It’s especially creepy/obvious when he’s sitting and I’m standing near him. Again, he thinks I don’t notice. Dirty old fuck. ::shudder:: And no, I can’t just “push a button” to get such-and-such a report. MYOB isn’t magic. Some reports take some time, especially whe I have to export them to Excel and combine them. “Push a button”, my ass.
Ron, my boss’s boss:He hired me to be the Controller, not the fucking IT department. All day long, I have to babysit him. Every time he buzzes me, I groan and wonder what the hell he’s having trouble with now. All he knows how to do is simple email. He has to call me whenever he needs to attach a file. He can open attachments, but when I tell him the 2-clicks needed to save it, he tells me, “Oh, I’ll never remember that.” And he’s right, because later that same day, I’ll be in there saving an attachment for him.
Patty, my co-worker: Everytime someone asks her a question, she starts with “Uuuuuuhhhhh” in her deep, manly voice. I counted one day (because I’m petty like that) and she did it 43 times. She sounds like Butthead. All she needs is the ‘D’ at the beginning. She also imitates the office cat with a loud screech every time he screeches. And no matter how many times in a row she says, in a loud, high-pitched voice, “What do you waaaaant?”, he’s not going to answer her!