I prefer to be alone as much as possible, which probably has to do with being an only child and the many failures I had in interacting with kids my own age. I was the kid that was always considered the least favorite/loser of the group, which made being alone much more enjoyable. Interacting with people is torturous and I cannot establish eye contact (when conscious of it, I stare at the bridge of the person’s nose. I was told that it looks as if you are looking at them straight in the eye), and try as much as possible to avoid people. All my life I have had this weird ailment where each morning I am sick to my stomach, which just makes me all the less of a morning person. So when I pull in to the parking lot at work, I look around to make sure there is no one near me that I have to strike a conversation with on the way into the building. I’ll arrive at my desk late if need be, just to avoid talking to anyone. And talking on the phone is horrible. I don’t mind answering the phone, but I can’t stand making phone calls. I have to write out what I am going to say before picking up the receiver.
However, public speaking doesnt bother me all that much. I’ve given many presentations and after the jitters at the beginning, it just flows and I forget that what I am doing is so unlike my typical nature. This may have been the result of being a musician since high school. I have no trouble performing in front of others. In fact, once a year I take a trip to meet a bunch of great people at another bbs for a three day fest of jam sessions. This is the only time when the guard comes down and I enjoy the social interactions. All other times I just want to be left alone. I have no desire to be more outgoing, and apart from that yearly excursion, I can’t stand anyone around me.
I tend to be terrified of conversing with people I don’t know well. I fear I might come accross badly or say somthing they find hurtful or rude. Doubly true for anyone I find attractive. Strangely enough I would have no problem doing extrovert things like dressing in drag, giving a speach or making a fool of myself infront of friends or complete strangers. I see that I fit the definition of social phobia rather well. I am not shy, particularly quiet, or lacking in self confidence. I do lack confidence in that I will make a good impression though, and am terrified for no good reason that I should make a bad impression.
My shyness is a reaction to new people/situations. I have always disliked meeting new people and am slow to warm up to them. But, once I do know them, I’m fine. Same with groups. If I know everyone already, no problem. Otherwise, I completely clam up. This makes parties difficult for me.
This also extends to new situations. Even going to a new restaurant for the first time causes me anxiety. In some restaurants you seat yourself and in others you go to a counter and order or you have to wait for a hostess. Not knowing what the procedure is causes me anxiety. But, once I know the routine, no problem, I completely lose my shyness.
Basically, I have to force myself to try new things. I can tell myself that it’s natural to not know how a restaurant works. And it sounds stupid, but I’ve recently realized that other people are also nervous about meeting new people and my reserve comes off as unfriendly. I think I’m just naturally cautious (probably a handy evolutionary trait where being to adventurous coudl get you killed :))
I used to be real shy. I was so terrified to talk to guys and most other girls. I tended to put everyone else on a higher peg than myself and figured that they wouldn’t want to talk to me because they were better than I was. I wasn’t the most attractive gal in middle school and a lot of my insecurities stemmed from that I think. I remember one day in 6th grade or so, I walked by one of the mirrors in the hallway. I then made a mental list of all my female cousins and their faces, on both sides of my family, and wondered why all of them were pretty and I wasn’t.
I’m not really sure why things changed for me. I believe it had a lot to do with me losing the glasses/braces/general nerdiness. I’m really smart, not trying to brag or anything, and I was generally quite shy. Now I’m still smart and generally quite loud. I talk to everyone. I like meeting new people and I’m not afraid to talk to guys. I love big groups of people and I love one-on-one interactions as well. I have this “ask and you shall know” philosophy. I like to talk. Sometimes far too much information is leaked out but who cares, I make an ass out of myself all the time! You gotta learn to laugh at yourself. I guess this isn’t really advice, or helpful in any way, I just like to ramble. Carry on.
What monstro said, word for word. Except the “boyfriend” word. Change that to “girlfriend”.
Even here on this message board, I am relatively shy. I don’t hang out in MPSIMS or IMHO or even Cafe Society very often, probably because I am of the opinion that my opinion doesn’t really matter to anyone.
I am not shy at all, except when I want to go talk to an attractive woman whom I don’t know. I have a hard time doing it, and the two times I tried I felt very strange (lightheaded, etc.). Fortunately, I don’t need to face this now, and hopefully never have to.
I’m shy enough to have earned the moniker “the invisible man” in high school. Even my friends had a tendency to act like I wasn’t there. Often when I was hanging around with them during school breaks I’d chime in on a debate with something like “actually, that’s not true.” The group would suddenly turn their heads in surprise to see that, yes, I was standing right there listening to the conversation. Sometimes I’d scare people I had been walking beside (not behind) for minutes when they finally noticed me. Judging by the number of people who try to walk through me, I’m very talented in ninjitsu. “Sorry, I didn’t see you.”
I’m very comfortable alone. Though I do enjoy good company, I would prefer a deserted wilderness trail to a party. I’m most compatible with people who can understand how to “be alone together:” enjoying a mutual presence without needing to “socialize.”
If you see me at a restaurant, I’m the one sitting by myself reading National Review.
Its not just you, hell is other people. One thing i’ve found with socialising is that people are never genuine - its simply not possible. If people were to be genuine in a social situation a lot of taboos would be broken, and you would be on the slippery slope to social and moral chaos. So people have to live by the unspoken rules - they feel one thing (maybe many things) and say another.
The extent of this can range from inconsequential to terrible - people are often crushed by what they can’t speak about, or gnawed away from the inside.
If you are quite an intuitive person as well this can serve to compound the problem.
Thats what makes socialising artificial invasive, and forced. Something i’ve noticed though is that there are people who know this and can make light of whats bubbling beneath the surface, often diffusing tense situations with humour. You really need at least one of these people in a group to have a properly enjoyable time. Unfortunately they are few and far between…
Sarcastic Fringehead:
I know exactly what you mean! I often enjoy people’s company too, but very quickly they become uncomfortable, needing to do or say something or other that their temperament dictates and soon the ambience is broken.
