How old is this guy?
People have higher or lower levels of libidos, and he sounds like a low-level guy. After I quit Mormonism, I’ve never gone out with a woman for two months without taking it to “that next level.”
I may very well laugh at something like that. Out of nervousness, embarassment, surprise, shock and so forth.
Honestly, men, most men, are much more simple creatures. If you want us, all you have to do is tell us. Just outright tell us.
Telling us while naked tends to be even more straight forward. 
Hell, skip the talking part. Just walk in with no clothes on, sit on my lap and plant one on my lips. I guarantee I’ll get the message.
But hey, lingerie works well too, if that works better for you. If a woman that I had even a marginal attraction for showed up completely decked out, It would certainly get a rise out of me!
Well, I’m going to fly in the face of most of what has been written already, but …
a) Anise, I admire your willingness to take the initiative sexually. Good for you if you are not afraid to make your interest clear, whether it be through a “chair dance,” (whatever the hell that is, I don’t know but I suspect I can guess) or another means.
b) It does not sound like the guy is interested in getting into a sexual relationship, whether because he is closeted (I’m assuming Anise is female 
), deeply religious, or just has a low libido. Sure, maybe this particular episode was just embarrassing to him and there was too much pressure, but let’s put this in context, folks. She hasn’t been getting much sign of interest in two months.
So I do not think Anise was “wrong.” It may have been ill-advised to use a chair dance on this particular individual; perhaps she should have read the signs better and figured out that it would not work with him. But I hope she doesn’t give up on similar displays in the future. I am sure that many guys would be delighted.
I’d say: if a healthy, frequent sex life is a key component of what you want in a relationship, this guy is probably not for you. Give him a little time to take things to the next level - in case he was just shy at first and then embarrassed - but don’t waste a lot of time on it. If he doesn’t heat things up soon, don’t expect that he ever will.
And for the record, yes, I did have a somewhat similar experience. I took belly-dancing lessons in college and asked my then-boyfriend (with whom I was not yet intimate) if he’d like me to belly-dance for him. He jumped about a foot in the air looking terrified, then backed away while saying weakly “no…no…I don’t think so…”
In his case, it was religion. He got over it. Eventually. And I guess I forgave him because we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this year. But once in a while, I like to pick on him for that reaction. (Forgive, yeah. Forget? NEVER.)
Yeah, I’ve always wondered about that. Every cover of that magazine has something about “sex secrets.” How many can there be?
But “dancing” on a chair–basically spreading your legs on a chair–is not much of a secret, and maybe even a little silly. Spread you legs on the bed.
About as many ways as there are to “Organize your Closet” (Good Housekeeping) “Find more money to Invest” (Money) “Fantastic Honeymoon Vacation Locations” (Bride) “Guaranteed Ways to Improve your Golf Swing” (Golf)
As far as I can tell, magazines follow a format - and whatever the format of the magazine, the articles that support its format are functionally recycled.
Anyway, I suspect most of the men I’d dated would love to have had a lap dance - but in the context of an already intimate relationship. A lap dance that hasn’t gone there yet is a little TMI.
I would suggest communication on the topic. He has his own boundries - they seem to be significantly different than yours.
Yeah, just not from you.
He’s had sex with you. You’re, presumably, a woman he considers his equal. His partner. Not someone put on Earth to waggle her ass for his amusement.
Part of the fun of seeing Carmen Electra or a stripper doing it is the tease it offers. . .the chance to see more of the girl than you would ever have a chance to.
It’s not easy to describe to a woman, or to a guy who hasn’t had a real relationship, but this is not something that I think most guys would enjoy from a wife and/or serious girlfriend.
Posting solely to add counterexample–I LIKE it when my wife does things that are out of the ordinary for her because she thinks or knows I’ll like it. That might well include dressing up in a tiny black thing and prancing around but I’ll never tell.
Of course, I return the favor. (doing things I wouldn’t normally do just because it’s something she likes. Not so much the prancing. Zer don’t prance.)
Yeah, don’t get me wrong.
I still like seeing my wife in sexy clothes, and she still turns me on. But, there’s a difference between that, and her performing for me.
I think the problem here is that, believe it or not, not all men are turned on by everything. The chair dance in the video didn’t do a thing for me (except maybe make me seasick.) But I bet some men would love to have their wives or GFs perform. Finding the stuff that one will do for the other and the other likes is what communication is all about, and it comes a little bit later in the relationship than what we have here.
The problem with Cosmo is that besides the obvious stuff (men like sex in the morning too - duh) the columns make it seem like all or most men like all the stuff they propose.
Performance is often good - but it has to be in the right role.
To echo several of the other guys in this thread: the strip-tease from an SO gets a big “meh” from me. I appreciate the effort, but I don’t find it arousing, at all.
I think the problem is that there’s a fundamental disconnect between what guys are looking for at a strip club and what they’re looking for when they’re with their girlfriend/wife. At a strip club, attractive women who you’ve never seen naked before take their clothes off for you. The variety and newness are what makes it exciting, not the act of stripping itself (in my opinion). Also, since seeing them naked is the whole payoff, the slow reveal works. In the context of a relationship, unless fantasizing about being with a stripper is his thing, the strip tease just feels forced and pointless.
So don’t take it personally, Anise. You tried something that wasn’t his thing and he didn’t get into it. Don’t be embarrassed and don’t let it sit unspoken between you causing tension – make a joke about giving into a whim and blame Carmen Electra, then forget about it.
If you’re looking for a way to get a guy to “take it to the next level,” a blowjob works much better than any sort of dance. Assuming the guy is not gay, but just insecure or shy, he probably wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do (Obviously, he knew where he was supposed to end up, but no clear way to get there). Something less ritualized, and less of a performance would have brought him around.
Of course if it’s something else, like religious faith or your lack of a penis, that won’t help much, either.
The guy could also be thinking ‘Hey, I wonder why she is doing this? Does she do this for a living and this is her way of breaking the news to me? Do I have a dollar to give her?’
If they guy is interested, passionate kissing should be enough to get it to that next level. Right?
By the way, using my amazing powers of relationship trainwreck projection, I can say that if your SO does this for you, unless you’ve made arrangements to do so beforehand, you DO NOT want to take any money out of your pocket.
Most of the ‘song and dance’ Cosmo proposes (sometimes literally) when it comes to sex is pure crap. Which can be sort of disappointing for a creative gal, but pretty nice for ones who’d rather not eat donuts off male bits (yes, that is an actual sex tip. The mag is written by 11-year-olds with only vague ideas of what intercourse is like, only that it’s got something to do with see-through lingerie and losing unsightly pounds).
Edited to add: Two assumptions I’ve only ever seen proved wrong are that 1) Men always want sex more than women, and 2) Men are kinkier than women. Nuh uh. At least not before birth control or kids are involved.
Oh come on, it combines the best of both worlds: sex and donuts. Mmmm, donuts… (Yes, I’m a glutton. For donuts.)
Men, just say no! This is very dangerous. No man is big enough to put on enough donuts.
Hang on, wouldn’t it be the other way around? What sorts of donuts do y’all eat that have holes big enough for that?
I dunno, I think a video of the performance should be posted so we can judge to see if there was anything wrong with your technique
Brian
(can’t believe I’m the 1st to suggest this)
Let’s cut the crap here. 38 posts and nobody has asked for pictures?!
I had a gf try this one on me. It was lucky that she was hot and naked so I could still get horny with all the laughing and the eye rolling that was happening inside my head.
If my wife tried this one on me right now, I would probably wonder what happened to the car.
A boyfriend of two months shouldn’t need more than a sideways glance to get turned on.
And don’t take me wrong, it was nice of you to try, and I hope it works better with your next boyfriend. I just think you need to know your guy really well to know what works, and if he “has experience” you have to be really good at the dancing to make an impression.
ETA: darn it. beaten to it. Nice thinking, N91WP
Oh my god, that chair dance is so embarrassing! I’m sorry, Anise, but somebody doing that to turn me on would have mortified me*. If you want to have sex with your boyfriend of two months, why don’t you just have sex with him? And here’s a wild idea for trying something new on your guy - ask him. Ask him before, or ask him during, or ask him after - would you like it if I …? Did you like it when I …? That’s one thing Cosmo is good for - my husband and I actually discuss some of the things they suggest as “HIS BIGGEST TURN-ON EVER!!!1!” No surprise, they usually aren’t things he’s interested in.
*It’s not the sexual aspect of it that embarrasses me - it’s the bad dancing aspect.