I am a man, and I like to slow dance. When I do, I become… aroused. Other men most likely experience the same thing. My questions to women:
1. Do you usually know it? (Sometimes you will know for
sure, I know).
2. What are you thoughts on this, if:
a. he is someone you are dating, but are not yet
intimate with.
b. he is an acquaintance, such as a friend of your
significant other.
c. he is a stranger who has asked you to dance.
Please tell, do you like it, dislike it, consider it rude and crude, consider it arousing, or…?
In the 8th grade, I had to learn to dance with Nancy *****. I was 13. As every man reading this thread knows, 13 year old boys exist in a testosterone-suffused haze of perpetual erection.
Learning to waltz with her for a scene onstage in Damn Yankees was one of the most humiliating things I had to endure in Junior High.
It was also one of the most blazingly sensuous. She was kind about it, and we wound up friendly ( but not “friendly” ). Of course, with a waltz, there was no intentional contact but it was obvious anyway…
I once had an affair with a man on the very crowded dance floor at Limelight and I didn’t even know till after it was over . . . One of my best relationships, though it only lasted four minutes . . .
Maybe this isn’t the right thread for this but it’s related and kind of interesting (at least to me); I don’t know if I have an acute sense for this kind of thing or not, but I can ‘smell’ when a woman I’m dancing with is turned on.
Obviously, It’s not always apparent on a crowded dance floor, or when it’s smokey or when there’s a lot of perfume around but it is quite easy, and that’s without trying (a little unseemly to start sniffing around in the middle of ‘Tonight’s the Night’ or whatever . . .). It’s just there.
Just thought I’d mention it as a corollary –I’m sure other women can’t smell anything at all, so they’re not going to be embarrassed in the way men can be by their arousal.
Anyway, if any of you ladies ever wondered why there was an aroma down below, it’s because men have a nose for it. However, I’ve also read that smell works at a subconscious level as well, so maybe some men absorb the ‘news’ in that way and act accordingly.
I guess that’s evolution in action. Kind of neat, I think.
So, is that why men these days are so phobic about slow dancing?
Either the men I’ve managed to slow dance with didn’t get erections, or I didn’t notice. Honestly, I don’t know which is the worse options. If it did happen, I wouldn’t be upset. I might be curious, intruiged, or feel awkward about the whole thing.
I’m a 32-year-old guy who’s done my share of slow dancing, and I’ve never once had this problem. It never even occurred to me that this might happen. Man, that’s got to be awkward as hell.
It would depend entirely upon how she felt about the guy. If she found him attractive as well, it might be a turn-on. If she was just dancing with the friend of a friend to be nice and had no interest in him, it would be embarrassing, and possibly even a little creepy.
Yes it’s noticeable, provided you’re talking about the kind of slow dance in which there’s a lot of body contact. Social dances like waltzes aren’t supposed to be like that.
My thoughts on this:
a. with guy I’m dating - could be a thrill and a turn-on (being naughty in public and all )
b. with an acquaintance - uncomfortable and embarrassing, especially if it were a friend of someone I was dating
c. with a stranger - creepy and not too much removed from unwanted attention on the subway
I did a “full-body” slow dance once with a stranger who not only knew that I knew he was excited, but clearly got a kick out of the situation with his friends looking on. Never again. It felt very much like I was being taken advantage of.
I’ve never actually been “fully” aroused during a slow dance, but I’m curious, Treebeard, what do you do after the dance is over? Run to the toilets? Lean over slightly and walk quickly back over to the table?
I’ve slow danced as much as any, more than most. Never had this happen on a dance floor.
There have been times it happened during dancing, but that would have been when the two of us were alone, partially or completely nekked, and getting ready to proceed.
I’m kind of surprised to see this topic. Before my first “date dance” in high school I worried about it for weeks, because I was taking a girl I had a huge crush on. In fact, when we got there she seemed pretty determined to get me hard when we danced, judging by the way she couldn’t keep her hips to herself, but it never… er… came up.
The only way I became aroused while dancing was with one of my girlfriends who was a slow grinder with club music, and like Psalex said, it’s pretty much expected.
Gosh, Treebeard, I am really surprised that no other male poster has had this response- Every informal slow dance with men since I was about 15 has brought the same sort of… reaction. Because I know it will happen, I try to move with enough space in between us in order to avoid embarrassment- but the very nature of slow dancing (holding a woman close about the curve of her waist while moving rhythmically would be a very different activity were it horizontal instead of vertical) is somewhat sexual.
I will be more specific- I seldom accept an offer to slow dance with a stranger- close dancing is too intimate an activity unless I know the man to be trained in a more formal ballroom dancing style.
If the SO of a friend, I would prefer not to feel anything other than his hands on my back, but I know the difference between an accidental brush with danger and a deliberate attempt to make an impression. I politely ignore it and create a little extra space.
If someone I have yet to be intimate with- possibly flattered, but still hopeful that the dance didn’t escalate into a public display of affection. The walk back to the table after such an event can be awkward when the dance has ended. After all, a dance floor is not very private and some activities should be reserved for the home. Assuming that the issue is under control and not blatantly obvious, this very natural reaction is not offensive.
Does this help?
This has happened a couple of times to me. The first time, it wasn’t as much of a slow dance as a medium-speed grind dance. With all the contact going on, it was probably expected. We exchanged a knowing smile. Of course, she was the kind of person who would probably be turned on. (We were semi-close friends. BTW, she recently told me that she thought I was gay when we first met. (I’m not.))
The other time I remember this happening–I don’t really remember her responding in any particular way.
Actually, I can think of another time it probably happened to me. I was too stoned to remember now whether or not it did. But I was fondling the girl’s breasts while we were freaking (I had no idea I was engaging in that kind of contact at the time! That’s how gone I was!) and she seemed to enjoy it, until I apparently squeezed a bit too hard and she informed me where my hands had been (I was surprised to find out) and she pushed my hands down to her hips. Since we were freaking, if I did get hard she probably didn’t care (might have even been a turn-on) and expected it. Of course, since I had been smoking weed it’s quite possible that I didn’t get it up–I’ve heard that pot can hinder such things.
I can understand why you would find it creepy, but keep in mind it is involuntary. It doesn’t even mean the guy is attracted to you.
Females don’t have such an obvious involuntary response, so they are spared this kind of embarassment, and can safely laugh at or be creeped out by guys because of their biology.
Yes, it happened to me once. It was mostly because of the pants I was wearing… never wore them out dancing again.
