Now that’s just fucking funny. 
(Pictures Sapo suddenly getting a wide eyed expression on his face in the middle of his wife’s dance and running out to check on the car…)
No kidding. I was laughing and crying simultaneously while reading one of those “1000 Sex Tips” booklets that seem to come with about every second edition of Cosmo. One of the tips: “Hide a chocolate bar inside you and let your man discover it”. Holy hell, people. If I was a man and I was going down on a woman and I saw something brown and slightly sticky coming out of her vagina… :eek: Also, can you say “yeast infection”?
Originally posted by Thorny Platypus:
I love to bake. I can make my own donuts. 
Performance anxiety? Maybe he’s not too experienced? Maybe he’s too afraid to screw it up (he, pun not intended :))
Well… what sort of reasons are we talking about here?
You nedd a control experiment.
Have Carmen Electra do the dance and note the response, then you’ll know one way or another.
It’s the only way to be sure.
Hmm, Carmen Electra doesn’t return my phone calls anymore since I demanded to know WHAT she was thinking with that stupid DVD. And we used to be so close… 
Anyway. Sorry, no, there aren’t any pictures. But I truly appreciate everyone’s input, and it’s given me a lot of food for thought. “David” has a lot of his own issues, and I’m in the process of deciding if I want to take this one on. These issues don’t have anything to do with me, and he does understand that. The thing I didn’t make clear is that there WAS a specific reason why I did this in the first place; “David” TOLD me about a fantasy of his a couple of weeks ago and that’s basically what this chair dance thing was about, since it sounded like what he meant. It did not come out of thin air, although, yeah… my judgment probably could have been better. But I was trying to do what I thought he had expressed that he would like. Talk about being careful what you ask for, since you might get it…
We’ve talked a LOT about it since then, and he understands what happened, how it made me feel, and what the situation is now. I’ve made it clear that hell will freeze OVER before I make the first move again; anything from now on is up to him, and he’s going to have to WORK for it. I am not going to chase around him or anyone else. I’ve worked REALLY hard to get to the point where I’m comfortable enough with how I look to have even THOUGHT about doing a chair dance, and I’m not going to put myself out there that way again without something from his end first.
Well, that makes more sense, if he actually asked for something like that. It all still sounds very weird to me, though - a chair dance is not the usual way people move into a sexual relationship. Heh - now I’m imagining our society if it WAS.
So the the size of donuts I should get if I want to go down on a guy is proportionate to the number of…
Eh, screw it.
Anyway, in the past, I’ve found that good ways of getting a guy to have sex with me are talking about how horny I am, undulating, talking about my breasts, breathing…
I swear, sneak reading of my Mom’s Cosmos did more to warp my adolescent perception of what to expect from women than sneak reading of my Dad’s Playboys ever did. At least the notion that if I wanted to even occupy the same zoning district as girls of Playmate caliber, I’d better develop some degree of worldly sophistication, bore some remote resemblance to reality. OTOH I’m still waiting for the wolfpacks of predatory Cosmo Girls seeking to pounce upon me with surefire drive-me-mad man-pleasing techniques.
There wasn’t any excessive alcohol consumption on his part during that evening, was there?
I have those Carmen Electra DVDs too, and did the chair dance once. With a beer in my hand, and a couple more in both me and my husband already. It was fun, but ohmyGOD you can’t take it seriously. It’s inherently ridiculous – “Now sit still so I can be very, very sexy!” – but once you’ve acknowledged that, it can be a good time. We’d been married a year or two at that point, which makes a big difference. I can’t imagine trying to do that to seduce someone for the first time, and sometimes fantasies need to remain in the realm of fantasy for a good reason!
Ethan Allen would have been our Hugh Hefner.
Two words for you: Next!.
Heck, you even get an extra word to use at will. I recommend “Out!” said to him.
If this is the root of his problem, then putting on an actual performance in front of him with the hope of reciprocation might be the worst way to help him out.
You could also nuke David from orbit.
A chair dance? Get that damn chair outa there, and give him a lap dance the way God intended!
What, exactly, did you play? I mean if you played, “In the Ghetto” it may have affected your outcome.
If you’re female and reading this, feel free to describe some kind of erotic dance that your guy could do that, at its conclusion, would leave you in a state of full-on arousal.
I don’t mean describe how “it is possible that such a thing could happen”, but rather “this would work nearly every time unless the guy was totally not appealing to me”.
If your general response to this is along the lines of “It doesn’t work like that… might find it cute and endearing, might be moved that he’d put in the effort, but I’m at least as likely to giggle as to get all slippery and weak in the knees”, it would be useful, I think, to realize we’re not all that different. Conventional stereotyping aside. You can’t just push a couple buttons and expect automatic responses. The more “scripted” and “canned” the button-pushing, the more likely it is to send the mind off into reacting to that rather than getting immersed in the arousal-thingie.
A sure way to get a man ready for action? Respond positively to choreplay. Get close while he is doing dishes and let him know how much you welcome that (and I don’t mean with words)
That breathing thing always does it for me too. Well, that and a pulse.