I went out for a while with a girl like that. For her it was like a mental block but didn’t stop her trying though. Seemed like she could get almost to the brink but couldn’t quite get there and damn near killed me a few times trying.
As far as the actual question goes, I can’t see how you could get any kind of real answer without hooking a bunch of people up to brain monitors while they orgasm
Because sexual desire isn’t the same thing as sexual pleasure. Just because someone enjoys something when it’s happening doesn’t mean that they have a strong drive to get it.
I recall reading how that’s demonstrated in some forms of clinical depression; a patient will still enjoy a pleasure like food if someone brings it to them, but they can’t make themselves care enough to go and get food themselves. The pleasure of anticipation and the pleasure of actually doing something are separate things.
Not sure if that fully explains it. Obviously, attractive young women will have men, uh, sniffing around as it were.
It’s more like women don’t have the drive to get the sex, and, the thought of sex with strange men they don’t know is revolting. That would be analogous to offering a bowl of maggots to the clinically depressed patient.
Women, apparently, only find men attractive if they pass various tests. Women will accept “pre-qualified” men that other women have throughly tested, of course, which would explain why they will sleep with rock stars and famous people they have just met.
(also, fame may create a mental sense that you “know” that person.)
Seeking sex is not the same thing as having orgasms. I’ve had several today, and I have been alone all day.
Actually, it’s about even. Scientific research into this has been carried out since the late 1960s. Here’s an interesting article about it in Psychology Today.
Also, to everyone talking about multiple orgasms; men are capable of them too, it’s a matter of learning to separate ejaculation from orgasm. All a guy has to do is strengthen his PC muscle via kegels and learn the right time to squeeze.
First off, as I already said, the male and female orgasm are actually very similar. But even if the female orgasm was better, there would still be a very rational explanation - men tend to have a higher libido (obviously there are plenty of exceptions, but this is the usual case). Men just want sex more. And it does make evolutionary sense.
Any danger of a link to how to do that?
Here’s one article about it:
Here’s one of many links. Just Google “male multiple orgasm” or “dry orgasm” and you’ll get a wealth of info. There have even been a few books written as how-to guides on the subject.
In my experience: Because guys always cum. There is always a reward for risky behavior. And lets face it, random hookups with strangers is risky behavior. That’s what you get for “minimal effort” is a random hookup with a stranger.
I don’t necessarily need to feel some sort of emotional connection with my partner/hookup/whathaveyou, but if there is a connection, then it seems like the guy has a vested interest or at least gives half a fuck if the woman he’s banging gets off as well. In my experience, in general, I have not been with a hookup where I got off. I find them so dissatisfying and disappointing that I just can’t be bothered anymore. Why shave and get all tarted up and turned on and nekkid and sticky and then have nothing to show for it? Might as well stay home with B.O.B – at least that’s assured if not totally guaranteed.
TL;DR: I think the risk-reward ratio is different for men than for women.
I have to take a risk that random hookup might be a woman-hater who gets off on beating up women. I have to take the risk of pregnancy. We both take the risk of STDs. I take the risk that I am with a person who does not give a shit that he is not familiar with me, nor with what I like, nor with what gets me off. And some dudes, especially young, drunk dudes, cannot or will not follow simple directions. And many dudes simply do not care.
So I think the reason a lot of women require an emotional connection is just so the partner they are with cares enough to at least make a little bit of effort. And, also in my experience, my success at getting men off is near 100%. My success at men getting me off is probably closer to 25-30% – and the successes were with dudes with whom I shared a connection, and had a relationship. So why the hell would I go out there seeking random hookups when I’m well aware that most likely, there is nothing, or not much, in it for me?
(raises hand) Um, I’ve done this to another girl once. It is a bit scary to witness, although there were no aftereffects when she woke up.
My impression is that women’s orgasms are far better than men’s, but there is no way to really judge quantifiably. Even tests which measure muscle contraction strength and duration (which I have read, thanks) don’t tell you how it feels for each individual.
Transsexual women who undergo surgery can have multiple orgasms. It’s uncommon, but happens. The ones I have personally interviewed say that even their best female orgasm they’ve had wasn’t as intense as their typical male orgasm, but that it lasted much longer, involved more of the body, and unanimously they have told me it’s more “overall satisfying.” However, this cannot in any way be extended to women, since a transsexual woman is not nearly the same from a physical nerve standpoint down there.
Transsexual men often report very nice orgasms - the ones I’ve researched say that not only is it more powerful than their female orgasms, but they are able to have multiples. A rare few transmen see their clitoris enlarge so much that they can actually, with a little help and positioning and lots of lube, have penetrative sex with them. One transman described it as this: “you know how sensitive your clit is? Pretend it’s 4 inches long and the whole thing is sensitive and you’re rubbing the entire length inside a hot chick. It feels like you’re actually in heaven or losing your mind or something.” This transman reported passing out and flattening their partner a few times. :eek:
Aeschines, thank you for your well-thought-out post. Along the same lines (and from my experience), I would posit that the “ceiling” for orgasmic experience - the best posssible outcome for a majority of people - is definitely higher for women, but the “floor” - in this case, a below-average but reasonably expectable outcome - is higher for men. Most experienced men have seen women hit the ceiling, so to speak, a number of times, and tend to judge female experience from that. Most experienced women have had their share of “floor” experiences - where absolutely nothing was clicking - but haven’t really seen the converse from their male partners with anywhere near the frequency.
Just my $.02.
It probably really is about even, but in regards to multiple orgasms … I don’t see how a man can have them without something coming out of the penis at the same time. I can certainly enjoy myself with the weight lifter secret of stopping right before it ejaculates and it even feels very good, but it does not last.
Resulting in the term blue balls … if a woman stops right before she has an orgasm surely that doesn’t feel good either, but it doesn’t result in blue balls which can become very painful.
This has been a real eye opener with the women winning hands down (pun) 
I was thinking about this some more. About 15 years ago i had a girl who was basicaly a sex busy. Not great in bed and not all that great looking. Not bad either. I always had the best most intense orgasms with her for some reason. The only way I could get off with her was to put myself in this zone, once I started to get into orgasm mode it would take several minutes of really forcing myself into this “zone” or I would loose the erection and be done. I found after several minutes of being in the zone when the orgasm finaly did happen it was a full body mind blowing experience. I joke that I would growl like a lion and I have no idea why because I tend to be on the quiet side. It used to scare me a bit as I was never one for excersize and as a smoker I was always worried about a heart attack. The final approach usually involved about 10 min of hard fast banging.