There goes three quarters of my act.
:crosses Daowajan off the list of Dopers to ask for a date:
Single here. 50% of the time, I’m quite pleased about that and enjoying life to the full; 40% of the time, I don’t even think about it.
'Course, that other 10% of the time, I’m curled into a fetal ball under the bed crying because nobody loves me.
I am single and I must say that I have never been happier ever since I gave up on dating. No longer do I have to deal with the emotional rollercoasters that accompany relationships. There’s no more wondering if I made a good impression on her, no more wondering what she thinks of me, no more head games, no more wondering why she’s not telling me certain things, and best of all, no more having to observe Valentine’s Day (a whole different rant altogether, look it up at http://www.angry.net/things/V/valentines_day.htm if you are interested). My list of problems that I have dealt with in relationships could go on, but to sum it up, the whole dating thing was just very stressful for me.
I have been burned by the people I have dated. The last girl I dated beyond friendship (i.e. getting a “piece” every now and then) seriously took advantage of me, especially financially. I admit I should have been more assertive with her, but I did finally end the misery, as ugly as it was (no, I didn’t kill her, just got very, very belligerent). That was 11 years ago. I dated one other girl after that, but we never got beyond being “just friends” and we both mutually agreed that nothing more would ever become of us.
That was six years ago. I used to get down on myself for not being married (I’m 31) or even dating. I have since then changed my outlook on this, especially after what I have seen several of my married and dating friends and colleagues go through. I’ve decided that it just isn’t worth all the trouble.
You know, if you substitute the word “female” in the above with “male”, this describes me exactly.
I feel the same way as Elmwood. Either that or I’m just too picky - sometimes the difference is very little. Just seems the attention I’ve been getting has all been from unwanted areas.
I also have the fortune to have my 6 year old son on almost all the nights I have off from work (and I work nights) which leaves little time for spontaneous hanging out with anyone.
I don’t know whether I should try harder to meet someone, since I’m not really putting myself in position to do so, or just work harder on myself since I know the interest will come when I have all my self-confidence back.
By the way, what’s a ‘GU’ ??
You kidding ? I’ve SEEN that very same scene myself (well, except for the patriarchy and naked parts…). About ten years ago in Ohio, at Wittenberg…
Single and hating it. I actually liked being single before I had a GF. Then I got myself one early first semester lasy year, then lost her. Felt like complete and utter shit. Not to mention that since then, I’ve blown about three or four chances at landing another GF. I hate my life. 
I definitely do not agree with whoever said:
‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all’
Man, I’d like to punch that guy.
Another lonely guy checking in. Couldn’t be more single, got a strong hunch I’ll stay like this 'til I die (and prolly a good while after).
Meh. C’est la vie.
This is my first Christmas single in about 5 years. At first being single was great, the beer, the boys. Now all my friends have boyfriends and I feel left out. Well, maybe something will happen.
Yeah, there are times I hate not having somebody, but I have realized that singleness is permanent for me–women in general find me about as attractive as used kitty litter, with damn few exceptions even before I hit middle age. So I’m working on converting loneliness to apathy, and counting my blessings that I can watch all the hockey and football I want without anyone to bitch about it.
bouv said:
Get in line.
Single here, divorced after being with someone for ten years. Two kids, joint custody.
Lonely? Oh yeah. I miss having someone in my life, someone to love, share life with, just hang out and talk to, watch tv, go for walks…etc. etc. etc.
I am not liking this whole bar scene, had given it up but now I’m working in one so I’m dragged back into it.
As soon as I meet someone interesting, they see the kids and run. or they see a non millionare and run. Or whatever…hmm, that sounds a little bitter 
I’d love to settle down, that’s exactly who I am. The bar hopping party type is really not me, I like to go out with friends but the “hunt” is hideously demeaning and icky.
Single, 43 (where did the years go?) and not too happy with it. I would like to make a change, but not having any sucess. Apparently being an employed, responsible, homeowner isn’t quite enough. It pisses me off no end to see guys who are stupid, abusive jerks find women who will take their abuse and come back for more. My take on dating is that after forty, all the good women are taken and the available ones I have been meeting all have serious problems.
Well I am technically single not being married, although I am seeing someone now. But I just want to say all you people that have been single and hating it for a long time, I feel for you and there is hope, I think that there are a lot of human beings in the world and there really is someone for everyone. Yes I know you may be rolling your eyes at this, I would have done too, but if I can find anyone anyone can, believe me!
I used to spend almost every waking minute longing for a relationship. I didn’t have a first kiss until I was 29 (this year.) What Guinastasia and Cyndar said, oh I totally know how that feels! I thought that I would never have a romantic relationship and it tore me up inside. I go to this ‘first kiss’ website and everyone’s first kiss was at 13 and 14! No-one waited 'til they were 29 like me! I felt such a freak!
And yes, Valentines Day was hell. Absolute hell. I got serious depression about that time of year. Hopefully next year might not be as bad. I do not think I want to participate in it though because I think it is quite vile and is all a load of commercial crap anyway. Too horrible to have a day that only people in a relationship can enjoy! I felt so inferior and self-hating as it was, that whole day was a big insult to me.
And public displays of affection? Agh! Nothing worse than seeing a couple of 12-year olds sticking their tongues down each other’s throats in public, yuck! Seeing happy loving couples practically having sex with their clothes on in public really, really distressed me, caused really bad depression. Even now, I don’t like seeing it although it doesn’t bother me as much. But doing that oooh look at me We are Snogging in public nyaah nyaah thing is so rude and uncaring towards people who are not so lucky. And they were always years younger than me as well! That bothered me. (yeah and there is nothing more horrible than seeing a pair of smug lovebirds kissing in public when you don’t even know what a kiss feels like and they are years younger than you! It is like they are pouring salt on your wounds and mocking you…and don’t even get me started on people who walk along with their hands down their boyfriend’s trousers…groping your bf’s buttock in the high street…classy!) and people who don’t understand who got a lover in five seconds flat with no effort like everybody else who wasn’t me would look at me blankly and go “you should be happppyyyyy for theeyyyymm” Bollocks.
And I lost a really good online friend because she kept going on about her 16 year old daughter’s boyfriend and I got upset (and it was during one of my ‘oh god I will never be kissed’ episodes that was sparked by a tv programme where women my age were talking about boys they had snogged when they were 15, so I was feeling fragile and it came out more extreme than I would have liked) Well the longshot of it is she didn’t understand and it seemed like I insulted her daughter and since her kids are more precious to her than life and anyone who she thinks have insulted them are persona non grata, well, I haven’t talked to her since. And we were so close…it really hurt.
Yeah I was jealous. I was jealous as hell and I don’t mind admitting it. It is not considered right and good is it? but my whole self-esteem was tied up in "everyone else has a boyfriend/girlfriend why can’t I? why are they better than me? why don’t I deserve it? It got to the point where it was really affecting my mental health and I nearly literally went insane with it. (of course it was tied up with my other problems, history etc, it wasn’t that on its own)
Well anyway it all got too much and I put in online dating ads this year (was always too scared before) and I finally found someone, but not before a lot of stress and bad experiences. If this relationship ended (please god don’t let that happen!) I don’t think I could stand to do it again. I always get upset when people say “oh meeting people online dosen’t count and these relationships never work” because that was pretty much literally the only way I could meet someone! In all the years before, being so shy and having my problems that came of my history, I was ignored by everyone on the rare occasions I left my house, I could not make friends as I could not talk to people and I wanted to run away all the time and everyone seemed to have someone already.
And well, I hope I can keep what I have now, if I lost it I would be devastated but all I can say is please don’t give up hope! I tried very hard and it did finally work! I hope that it can for you too…
(and it is since getting the internet that I knew I was not alone-there is this thing called ‘involuntary celibacy’ and I was like oh god that’s me! I’ll try to get the url and post it if anyone doesn’t know it already.)
Involuntary Celibacy is at http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ad097/ic-home.html
(I don’t know how to past links properly! have to give out the whole url!) This site really helped me and made me feel I was not alone.
Sing it, brother!
I’m single now, and I don’t really like it, but after seeing the large numbers of women who seeem to prefer being used and hurt (and often crying on my shoulder about it), I’d wonder what was wrong with me if I did start having more success on the dating scene. What, did I suddenly become an abusive bully or a puling mama’s boy all of the sudden.
Heck with it. I’m not looking any more.
No, you’re waiting for a dopefest near you:)
Benefits of being single (IMHO):
I can go to sleep, basically, whenever I want (job and/or school-permitting). I don’t have to schedule dates or such into my life, so, or example, I can sleep until 6 pm on Friday and not worry about missing time I could have spent with a girlfriend or boyfriend.
If I feel like utter shit, and I just want to blow off the week, I don’t have to explain to anyone. I can just lay in bed and be sick, or trudge along to get food, and then trudge back to my room and do nothing for a while.
Nobody worries about me enough to get sick from it. My life is enough of a roller coaster that anyone who tried to follow it would lose their sanity before terribly long.
Cheaper. I do not have to worry about having money for dates or anything like that. I don’t have the nervousness of “is she going to pay?” or “Do I have enough money for Friday night?”. And as I rarely “eat out”, so to speak (hey now, I didn’t mean it like that), I don’t have to worry about paying for food because of my handee-dandee meal plan ™.
Substantially less risk of heartbreak/ache.
Benefits of Not Being Single (IMHO):
The knowledge that there’s someone worth scheduling for/making time for. Maybe it’s just me, but having to set aside time to be with someone was fun. ::shrug::
When I felt like utter shit, I had someone who wanted me to feel better and made some non-minimal effort to help me get better. And her being there, in and of itself, made me get better faster.
Life was less of a roller coaster. The highs were a little higher and the lows were higher as well.
I used to get a kinda cool thril out of saying “my girlfriend”. Sometimes I’d be talking to her and refer to her in the third person. And she’d do the same with me.
My heart got better with her. She knew where it was hurting and she started to patch things up.
Life single is not so bad. There are definite perks. But life with someone else was better.
What? No one should be affectionate in public because it could make others feel bad?
Just a little unsolicited advice.
You really need to kick back and enjoy the ride instead of hanging on for dear life. Not many things will drive away a partner quicker than an emotionally needy and smothering person in fear of losing a relationship. Are you more in love with this guy or the idea of having someone. In reading your post it certainly appears that the guy comes in a distant second to your need for a relationship.
Also, you sound as if you will really take a hard fall if it does end.
This isn’t healthy.
I’m 27 and I should be ready to commit, but to be honest… I’m not. I just can’t bring myself to trust again. I don’t think I can handle even one more wrong choice. I have a history of go-nowhere fast relationships. I can completely destroy any semblance of normalcy in 6 months. That’s how long it takes me… from the moment I realize I’m actually happy to complete emotional devastation.
I’m smart, independent, giving, caring, loving, and the best damn friend anyone could ever want. I just can’t seem to initiate a relationship, much less make one work. I consistently fall for the wrong people, either emotionally unstable, gay or just plain evil personified.
I’m totally convinced that there has to be something wrong with me. If I look at my love life, or lack thereof in a logical detached manner, the only constant is me. I’m the defective part.
If I had any indication that the next time I decide to form a pair bond, it would work then where do I sign up? But if my previous attempts are any indication of how the next will turn out, then I’ll stay single. I just don’t have the strength to try and pick up the pieces again. I don’t have another fake smile to paste on my face after a breakup and there is just no way my heart can handle any more pain. It’s not worth it anymore. I’m practically empty and if I give away any more pieces of me to people who don’t, can’t or won’t give back, there will be nothing left for me.
Single and hating it? I guess I do hate it, but what are my alternatives? Trying to look on the positive side, at least when I’m single I don’t have to worry about anyone lying to me, or stealing from me, or sleeping with my best friend behind my back.
I’m really in a funk today so I’ll shut up now. My pity party is officially over. Thank you all for coming.
Broke up with my last GF a few months back. It was a friendly breakup (we realized we just wanted too differing things from
life), but still feels like crap. I think part of it is I just hit the triple decade mark this year and it’s coloring my perceptions.
I find myself wondering if I’m ever gonna find that wonderful woman I can spend the rest of my life with and raise a heap of
little Nymaz’s with. Not to mention just missing the fact that there’s someone I can cuddle with, and rely on when things
aren’t going so well. Maybe I’m just setting my sights too high. Forget these intelligent and creative women. Just need to
find a blonde bimbo who’s after my money… sigh
Gee, thanks, now I’m depressed. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.
Umm, hmm, well at least no more compromising on what movies to watch… yeah, that’s the ticket.
I’m single and mostly like it, but some days it really really sucks. Not looking for marriage or a live-in, though I would consider it if things were right. However, I would really like some “serious fun.” Serious fun is having a good guy to hang out with, laugh with, travel to fun places with, have mind-blowing sex with, but not actually have to share the remote, or, worse yet, a bathroom with. 
I seldom meet anyone I click with, so finding serious fun has been … difficult, to say the least. This is especially bad since I crave male affection; my sex drive is unbelievably high, but unfortunately I have nowhere to put it, so to speak.
I think I need to adopt a “Defensive Dating” strategy - kind of like defensive driving: Assume everyone is an asshole until he proves otherwise. I’m tired of being hurt. I need to learn to make 0 emotional investment until it’s earned. Unfortunately I don’t know if this is doable for me, as I am by nature a very emotional person. I sometimes wish I could revert back to the shell I was in a few years ago - I was very good at keeping people at a distance - too good, in fact. It wasn’t particuarly healthy, though. I never got hurt, but that’s because I never let anyone in.
Luckily I am a very resiliant person, so I tend to recover pretty quickly.
So am I single and hating it? Mostly no, but some days yes.
Single for almost 2 yrs was married 15 years.
There are always pros and cons about everything. I am glad I am not with my ex any longer (even tho I was 1000000% in love) it was unhealthy for me.
Being single, I have learned things about me— but my nature and personality is to be with someone. To share and nurture and all that stuff.
I am 34 and there are many people who are just getting married and starting a family at my age… I had all that early in life and now my son is 15.
I feel like I am on a different page sometimes.
The biggest thing that makes singlehood suck is knowing you have the abillity and desire to give someone love, and can not. It is like having billions of dollars on an island where currency means nothing.
Single and hating it?
Yes.
I accepted it a long time ago, but finally got off my ass to do something about it. So I’m dating a bit here and there, I’ve got three girls I’ve been seeing. But who just told me today that she didn’t want to see me anymore? The one I liked the most, of course. The only I would’ve considered getting serious with myself. She is only a year out of a divorce and isn’t ready for anything serious, in fact, not even anything casual. Doesn’t want to date at all. I guess she’s happy with it.