39, married for 16 years – and yet I’m still lonely. It often feels like my wife is my only friend, and even then, she doesn’t get me half the time. Sometimes I feel no-one does. My lips move, noise comes out, and the people I’m talking to just have a kind of half-smile on their face but none in their eyes. They’re just being polite, waiting for me to shut my noise-hole. I had a friend at work and we got along famously, we were going to write stand-up material together – and then he quit and left town without even saying goodbye. What does that say about me?
Male, 42, somewhat lonely.
I was going to type something more, but I guess that about covers it.
If I call myself lonely, it is simply because there are no women out there who are simultaneously honorable w/ tons of integrity, honest to a fault, completely and totally emotionally transparent, and have not bought into any and all sexual/cultural bullshit (role stereotypes etc.). For many years I thought this state of affairs was my fault (and to be sure I have my own issues), and used to beat myself up when I would fall for yet another Ice Queen/Waffler/Tank Grrl etc. As a relationship would progress eventually I would hit that layer of armor Beyond Which I Cannot Ever Go, she would retreat, and I would wonder WTF I was doing wrong. No longer-their emotional walls aren’t my problem, even tho the ones where I had gotten in rather deep before her emotional alarms went off were the hardest ones to get over.
I feel you. 43 and married for 12 years and love my wife dearly and her me but still I feel alone. No friends other than my wife. I don’t feel like an individual anymore just a way to make money to support our family unit. I try to reach out to others but people have been so hurt in their lives they fear everything, even a helping hand. I almost feel stupid posting to this thread seeing some of the other respones. Like everything else in life you always think you have it bad till you turn the corner and open your eyes.
This thread makes me sad. I’m 35, female, alone, and lonely sometimes. That’s why I come here. 
I usually get cheered up.
For every man who agrees with you, there is a woman who says the same about men.
I’m sending mental hugs to everyone on the thread.
I’m 21, female, in my last year of uni. I met a great guy when I was studying abroad in Scotland. Then I came back to the US. I guess it’s nice to know that finding a guy I like and who likes me is possible but I really wish we were in the same place. My university is a pit for finding guys and both my roommates are in serious relationships so I always feel like the 5th wheel when I’m in my own home. Meh. I’m going to go back to my studying.
Female, married 20 years, lonely in this marriage. I’d get out except for the kids; I’m in grad school and we have a boatload of debt (mostly his).
I say I have say 3 friends, but they rarely call to set up stuff. They say yes when I do, but if I don’t initiate, we don’t see each other. I am also in the somewhat strange position of having had to go back to work PT (and I don’t mind working in the least), and with that change from SAHM to working mother, I lost my circle of SAHMs, my place in the book club that I founded and other things. I live in an insular and closeminded community where roles are firmly established and deviance from them is punished. IOW, if you aren’t “in the loop” by being a room parent or on a church committee etc–you are dead to these folks.
I have met some great people via grad school, but they all live over 2 hours away. I resign myself to online friendships (such as they are), books and snarky humor.
I can’t even think about romance–that would hurt too much.
I feel bad for al the young folks here who are lonely. I know there’s no easy answer, but may I suggest you find something social you enjoy (bowling, chess, geocaching, knitting–something) and take a class or join a group. I realize you all probably want to smack for saying so, but it might help. Don’t turn into me-45, unhappily married and lonely. Take a chance.
47, twice divorced…first wife had affair, I couldn’t get over it…second wife was (and for me still is) my soulmate…she asked me to leave so I did, couldn’t let my sweetheart be miserable could I?
I see first ex all the time as we have two kids together…but never see the second.
I engross myself in work and the internet…should be cleaning my pigsty now but WTF, who for?
tsfr
Age 45, first romantic relationship was at age 38 with a lady I knew from my college days, failed due to her drinking, then we tried again when I was 41,
failed for the same reason. In my life, I’ve had three women attracted to me, her, a co-worker who liked me but had nothing but distain for things I value, and a
long-distance GF that, if it wasn’t LD, we’d probably kill each other.
Hey, Pals!
In the interests of sharing the answer I use when I force myself to clean up: dust and dirt will often affect respiratory health. And it’s hard to have huge amounts of clutter without having higher than normal dust and dirt in your air. So, do it for yourself so you’re not coughing all the time.
(Now to listen to my own good advice… maybe.)
Male, 30, single for about 32 months. Doesn’t sound like much, but it sure feels like it. I’ve had two long relationships. The first one should never have happened and the second one should have been for life, but I fucked it up, which I beat myself up over regularly. I met both of my exes under circumstances that aren’t likely to occur again in the near future, and my life doesn’t serve up too many chances to meet new romantic prospects. Even if it did, I’m pretty clueless in these matters and have mental blocks that make the entire process impenetrable.
I have friends, family, and a near-fanatical devotion to a hobby. But something is missing, as much as I wish (and once believed) that I could live without it.
Since this is basically a poll, I’ll move it to IMHO for you.
(MPSIMS -> IMHO)
Cajun Man
for the SDMB
Female, just turned twenty-nine, tired of the games people play, while I can’t find someone who wants to play my particular game. Not willing to put up with drama and bullshit just to have someone by my side. As a result, am going to be single indefinitely. Physical interaction isn’t that hard to find, since I seem to attract a certain niche of the population that finds me extremely attractive, but what I really want doesn’t seem to exist, in male or female form. So, yes, I am lonely.
Male 40. Never had a relationship. Not being able to make people laugh will do that. But I’ve grown accustomed to my own company and while it disappoints me, it doesn’t bother me any more.
Cajun Man…
Sorry but you are wrong…in my humble opinion. :smack:
Loneliness is a feeling, NOT an opinion. You can argue or disagree with an opinion but you CAN NOT disagree with the way a person feels…we, the pathetic of this thread, are expressing a mundane thought and feeling that we share in common; We are lonely.
It is not my damn OPINION that I am lonely…it is how I feel.
ThisSpaceForRent
I just recently realized that a) I’m lonely and b) it’s entirely my fault. A great girl came along in my life, and she very openly would like to date me. But for some reason, I just don’t feel equipped to enter in to any sort of relationship. I tend to fluctuate between clingy and emotionally distant, two traits which most women don’t appreciate. So I’ve sort of cut things off at the pass.
Biologically, there must be something wrong with me, because I could at least be getting laid. Isn’t that drive supposed to trump all my insecurities?
May I recommend a book to you? Read Anne Lamott’s book, Operating Instructions. It’s a journal of her son’s first year. She’s a single mom. She should be a Doper. I hope you like it. It was the best baby gift for me.
I’ve just placed an order for it. Thank you.
I’m 34, female and occasionally lonely.
For that matter, I think if I let myself, I’d be lonely more, but I can always find an excuse for why I don’t have more friends or a lover - currently that reason is “I just moved cross country 3 months ago, and I’m still settling into the new job/new place/etc”.
The reality is that I don’t particularly know how to meet people - but I’m working on it. I don’t know how to tell when a guy is interested - so I think I tend to miss out on things, plus I’ve got a shy streak a mile wide, so it’s really hard for me to approach people. I can hide that shy streak very well when I’m at work, but take me outside of work, and things are different.