[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Say that you like ‘exploring the tidepools’. t’ll sound like some kind of euphemism without avtually being one. 
[/QUOTE]
It actually sounds really deep and mysterious. As for fine dining, I could say that I love to masticate three times per day.
[QUOTE=ParentalAdvisory]
Just relax and be yourself and it’ll just happen!
[/QUOTE]
Parental Advisory
Thanks, but I dunno about that. My wife was always the social one and I either went along or didn’t, depending on what was happening. These days I have to make the effort, get out and PUSH to meet people. Of course, there is a lot of other stuff I have to do as well, lose some weight, get back into lifting and MA, finish this degree I’m working on, and tons of other stuff. If I want to meet worthwhile people, especially women, I have to be worth their attention myself.
I miss the companionship. Sex was always good, but that isn’t what I miss the most. Oh hell, I’m mellowing. How awful! 
Thanks again and all the best
Testy
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
34, good-looking, well-paid and desolately lonely. I like long walks on the beach and fine dining. 
[/QUOTE]
I’m looking for someone who is equally comfortable in a bee-keepers outfit or clown shoes.
[QUOTE=tdn]
It actually sounds really deep and mysterious. As for fine dining, I could say that I love to masticate three times per day.
[/QUOTE]
Oh yes. “I like mutual mastication!” 
[QUOTE=Telperien]
Female, just turned twenty-nine, tired of the games people play, while I can’t find someone who wants to play my particular game.
[/QUOTE]
So, what game do you like to play?
[sub]What? It’s better than “How you doin?”.[/sub]
[QUOTE=Testy]
Thanks, but I dunno about that.
[/QUOTE]
I think you’ve been whooshed, friend. There was a HUGE thread about that very subject.
TDN
Your post was an interesting read, thank you. Strangely, it coincides with something that happened this evening.
I’m doing the Atkins diet at the moment and people warned me that 3 to 5 days into it I would get this huge energy lift. Well, it may be the placebo effect but for whatever reason this happened today. Got out of bed ready to kick ass and take names! Anyway, I went to an embassy party tonight and was confident, poised, energetic, and generally more like I used to be. I had a Kiwi girl pop up and start talking to me. She was about half my age which was/is just fine. I’ll see her again this weekend. God knows what she saw in me to make her start talking but I’m not complaining. Now I just have to hang onto this feeling/state-of-mind/whatever.
All the best
Testy
[QUOTE=tdn]
I think you’ve been whooshed, friend. There was a HUGE thread about that very subject.
[/QUOTE]
tdn
Ooops! Well it wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened here. Usually I’m not posting though so nobody knows but me. I actually saw the Pit thread but that was one I passed over. Alas.
Thanks
Testy
[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
I think we are talking at cross purposes here. IMO, the lonely ones here WANT a companion or a sex partner (or both-preferably contained within the same person), they realize they don’t NEED one.
I am able to support myself, fix most things, handle most of life (I’d outsource doing my taxes) etc. I want a friend–someone to share a look with. Someone to bring good news to (and bad as well). I don’t have that in my husband; therefore, I am lonely.
The situation is a bit different for single people, but not much. Pets are great, but they are not completely adequate “substitutes”. Plants are nice-good quiet roommates, but somewhat lacking in the support department. Parents are not adequate, either, nor are siblings.
Man is a social animal; we will always search for connection. tdn might prefer to find it in Vegas. I’d rather look closer to home. But first, I must get out of this marriage. Or else it must improve beyond all recognition. (yep, done the counseling thing-he went twice, I went for 3 years).
[/QUOTE]
eleanorigby
I don’t know if I can agree with your first point about not NEEDING a sex-partner/companion. I guess it depends on your definition of “need.” Yeah, I can cook as well as most women, sew, clean the house, all those things that men theoretically avoid. I can certainly take care of myself and won’t die or anything.
I was married and divorced once for exactly the reasons you’re talking about. It’s bad, not having anyone to just hold a conversation with. I certainly agree with you on the bit about the pets and plants. I know people talk to their plants but AFAIK, they never talk back.
As you say in your last paragraph, man is a social animal. From that point of view, yes, I need a companion. Sex partner is good too.
Best regards and best of luck
Testy
[QUOTE=Testy]
I had a Kiwi girl pop up and start talking to me.
[/QUOTE]
Nice story! It’s very definitely a real effect. I had that happen recently.
Ever find that women just kind of see right through you, but when you get a girlfriend, suddenly you’re a god in the eyes of all women? It’s almost like you suddenly radiate like the Sun. Weird.
[QUOTE=Testy]
I don’t know if I can agree with your first point about not NEEDING a sex-partner/companion.
[/QUOTE]
Ah, but here’s the paradox. That thing you radiate when you feel great? It’s the polar opposite of need. The more you need someone, the more you’ll push them away. Stop needing anyone, and you’ll have a much easier time attracting them.
Yeah, I know, it’s hard to do.
[QUOTE=tdn]
Ah, but here’s the paradox. That thing you radiate when you feel great? It’s the polar opposite of need. The more you need someone, the more you’ll push them away. Stop needing anyone, and you’ll have a much easier time attracting them.
Yeah, I know, it’s hard to do.
[/QUOTE]
:: must remember this ::
Non-attachment. Yup. Hard to do.
It’s getting easier, though.
[QUOTE=Priceguy]
So, what game do you like to play?
[sub]What? It’s better than “How you doin?”.[/sub]
[/QUOTE]
Scrabble, Battleship, ridiculously bad chess, and um…a little something I like to call “alien abduction.”
[QUOTE=tdn]
Nice story! It’s very definitely a real effect. I had that happen recently.
Ever find that women just kind of see right through you, but when you get a girlfriend, suddenly you’re a god in the eyes of all women? It’s almost like you suddenly radiate like the Sun. Weird.
[/QUOTE]
tdn
I’ve noticed that when I’m with one woman, suddenly a lot of others are much more friendly. I have no idea why this would be. Maybe they think you’re effectively “taken” and aren’t going to start hitting on them. Or maybe something altogether different. I truly don’t why this seems to happen. It might make a good thread in IMHO or maybe even GD.
Regards
Testy
[QUOTE=Testy]
I’ve noticed that when I’m with one woman, suddenly a lot of others are much more friendly. I have no idea why this would be. Maybe they think you’re effectively “taken” and aren’t going to start hitting on them. Or maybe something altogether different. I truly don’t why this seems to happen. It might make a good thread in IMHO or maybe even GD.
[/QUOTE]
You nailed it. Persuing a women is creepy. Being with desirable people (of either sex) means you are desirable and socially ept.
Last night I was being a wallflower. Two guys next to me started hitting on a couple of girls. They were playing the “guess my name” game. I decided to take a few guesses myself, and a girl asked a guy “Do you even know him?” The guy threw me a little insult. He then put his arm around me and said I was the greatest guy in the world. We started having this “best buds” conversation, and other people (all guys, unfortunately) came up to us to join the party. (The girls had left.) I was even being offered drinks.
My social value went from zero to very high in a matter of seconds.
[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Note to all women: men may not pick up on your signals. Be really really obvious.
[/QUOTE]
Let me revise this:
Note to all women: men won’t pick up on your signals. Be prepared to slap them if necessary.
Yet another market for the Big Foam Cluebat, if only someone would start making them.
To clarify - I’m not usually lonely, just really miss this guy who I thought was perfect for me…you lot will know it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack; someone who you think is sexy, funny, attractive, great to talk to etc and who thinks the same about you and who wants the same things.
[QUOTE=Testy]
tdn
I’ve noticed that when I’m with one woman, suddenly a lot of others are much more friendly. I have no idea why this would be. Maybe they think you’re effectively “taken” and aren’t going to start hitting on them. Or maybe something altogether different. I truly don’t why this seems to happen. It might make a good thread in IMHO or maybe even GD.
Regards
Testy
[/QUOTE]
I think they do it because you look happier and more approachable, even just for friendship or chit chat.
28-year-old male here. Single as of May last year; dated a few times with a fling or two since then, but nothing really materialized into a long-term relationship.
I make friends extremely easily and have a ton of them, but the same cannot be said for relationships, I’m afraid. When around a lot of people, I can be myself and am extremely outgoing, yet I clam up when alone with someone I’m interested in and can’t bring myself to make the first move. Add to the equation that my interests are incredibly specific, and I find myself dating people who I have absolutely nothing in common with. It’s also pretty difficult to have someone over when your elderly father is always around.
I’ve tried a dating site, but again, few people take interest in the things I enjoy.
This thread gave me an idea. It’s still fairly warm here in the Mid-Atlantic region… how about a barbecue/picnic for single dopers? Since the pretense would already exist that people would be attending for the primary purpose of finding a relationship, it should be a little easier to approach someone or ask them out, right? We could even make a fun game of it, like give half the dopers keys, and the other half padlocks, and see if you can find the person whose padlock fits your key (ahem) and vice-versa. Of course, someone will have to ask every attendee in advance if they’re straight/gay/bi/whatever. What do you all think?